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Surviving but not thriving.
It seems like every time we get a decent chunk of money, some kind of event occurs and strips it away. Last time it was a car repair, this time unexpected tuition. I’m thankful that we’re not going into debt, but damn.
The promotion at work has come with a lot of added stress. I’m proud of the work I do and I think it’s worth it I think for now. But it has meant that I’ve had to pull back on some other goals and hobbies. For example, I haven’t touched the book that I want to write in over 6 months.
Cycling has atrophied as well, but we’re moving again in 3 months, this time back to a place with more cycling events that I know, so I’m really going to try to get back into at least a Tuesday night ride. I used to love epic randonneuring adventures, and I wanted to get a few more in on the bucket list, but I’m starting to fear that my body is getting too old to take them on. I’m certainly feeling a sense of urgency. When you’re in your 20s and 30s it feels like you have all the time in the world, but it’s hit me lately just how scarce time is as a resource.
My wife and I are starting to get to that age where the window to have a second kid is closing. I’m hopeful that it will happen this year, but then again, another baby will take away from those other goals as well.
She’s also struggling because the job she had lined up after school this June was HHS funded, now that is in jeopardy. We’ve already bought a house in the new town too; so we’re paying rent and a mortgage at the moment. We can afford it on my salary and her internship but I feel it’s tighter than I have been since my early 20s.
The overall situation of the world also weighs heavily on me. I try to do my part where I can. These things ebb and flow as they always have, so I try to remain hopeful. I’m encouraged by what is happening today. We must stay vigilant to take back our rights from those who strive to oppress us.
I just got into therapy in October to help me deal with these things. I always had a stigma around therapy, ironically my wife is a therapist. Anywho, it has really worked for me. I am trying to realign my thinking so that I’m not always the victim, that the things we do and the intentions we set are FOR us and our future. I can certainly tell a marked difference between the weeks I can attend and the weeks I don’t. I’m hopeful here as well, but for now I’m surviving, not thriving.