this post was submitted on 20 Jun 2025
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I lost my door as a child several times but it was always for slamming it when I was upset.
In hindsight I feel it was reasonable but it's all in how it's done. I'd lose it for a couple days to a week at most and only after being warned.
For me it was also pre-puberty/young adult years, when I was 8-10 years old.
If "my parents did it to me and I turned out fine" was your takeaway from my comment then I failed to communicate my point or you misunderstood, or both. It was more that context and circumstances also need to be considered. I did turn out ok, I think, but that's because of a lot of work I put in during my adulthood to really work on my growth and reflect on my behavior continuously to learn and grow.
As a difficult child who did not handle their emotions well I would slam my door when I got upset and was warned repeatedly not to or I would lose it. Then when I didn't listen and slammed it anyway I would suffer the consequences of my actions but only for a short period. It was fundamentally no different than having a toy or privilege taken away.
My parents also spanked me but I would never do that if I had children because I know it doesn't work. My parents did make mistakes and they, my mom at least directly, have acknowledged that and voiced their regret.
In OPs example it's out of line to take a door away because they are 16 years old and don't seem to be using it as an appropriate consequence for the child's actions. As an 8-10 year old child who also put their foot through a wall twice in the same spot, threw a ping pong paddle at their brother so hard it put a hole in the wall, and would slam the door so hard it would shake pictures on the wall being warned of the consequence of my continued misbehavior and then facing those consequences was, in my opinion, appropriate. I learned not to slam my door and to control my emotions and express them in a more healthy and less destructive way.
I'm sure there are other, some maybe better, techniques however we all learn from the mistakes of our parents so we can screw our children up in new and unique ways while avoiding what they did.
Just because it doesn't make sense to you doesn't mean it's not a sensible idea.
The same behavioral experts I was taken to by my parents? The ones who helped them implement a "family contract" that resulted in one of the most miserable parts of my childhood? The "family contract" that made me resent my parents for many years?
Maybe, just maybe, behavioral health experts are a reflection of the times and their society and because it's fallen out of favor doesn't mean it's bad or doesn't work, just that it's not accepted practice any longer.
Unlike you I didn't make a statement of fact without supporting evidence. I offered up my own, personal, direct experience and how it affected me along with my opinion that context and situation should be a consideration.
I laugh if you think taking away video games or no tv would have worked to stop me from slamming the door. Unsurprisingly, of all the things my parents tried, removing the door so I couldn't slam it was the effective solution.
You have nothing if you don't provide sources besides a claim that you've made. I've seen studies too and every one I've seen specifically references teenagers. There's also studies that say "taking something away" doesn't work, yet you do that by taking away video games.
Taking things away from our kids to help them change their behaviour often looks like taking away privileges, toys, or activities. There are a few reasons why “taking things away” is an ineffective method of discipline.
You'll notice this article cites their sources.
Twice you've avoided sourcing your claims. Why should any third party reading this thread believe what you say? Why should I?
So you don't believe the studies that show your method is ineffective but you do believe the ones you continue to avoid sourcing?
Taking things away from our kids to help them change their behaviour often looks like taking away privileges, toys, or activities. There are a few reasons why “taking things away” is an ineffective method of discipline.
You made a claim of fact and yet refuse to source it so why should I believe some random stranger that their "sources" exist?
In fact, you do the exact thing you're against in a different way. Sure, you don't take your child's door; instead you take something else
I'd love to see your "sources" that state taking a door away from an 8-10 year old is "shattering their trust".
Edit: of course you downvote, still without providing sources.
That's three times you've now avoided providing your "sources".
You're not? I don't think it's unreasonable for someone to provide the studies you to cited. And you clearly downvoted them. Anybody can view votes on Lemmy using lemvotes. They're public on Lemmy, that's why I don't voting either way though I might move to Piefed when lemm.ee goes offline.
Four times you've avoided providing your "sources".
Votes are public on Lemmy. That's how I know you went back and downvoted every one of my comments on this post after I called you out for downvoting my one comment.
You started to deflect and refuse to source your claims after I pointed out your hypocrisy and continue to do so.
You could backup your original claims by posting supporting sources, or you could have phrased your original comment as your opinion, which it seems clear now it was.
If they provide sources your comments are going to look pretty silly.
Maybe, but I don't think the sources exist. Certainly not specific to the situation I described in my anecdote.
I'd love to read them if they're real but I pose this question to you:
If they've read these studies why would the still use a punishment method on their child that's been proven ineffective through those same studies?
I know that current methodology is to use positive reinforcement and feedback methods to deal with children's behavioral issues, why don't they?
I don't know, but it doesn't automatically have to be malicious. Though I agree that citing the specific studies they were talking about would pretty easily put it to rest.
Still no sources I see.
Taking things away from our kids to help them change their behaviour often looks like taking away privileges, toys, or activities. There are a few reasons why “taking things away” is an ineffective method of discipline.
hy·poc·ri·sy /həˈpäkrəsē/ noun the practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform
Seems like the definition of hypocrisy. It's a profoundly terrible idea based on these "studies/insight" you won't provide yet you do it yourself.
If you bothered with the link I've posted 3 times which is sourced, something your own claims aren't.
I don't need to resort to personal attacks and deflect when challenged.
Did you read the article linked in their reply? I think the hypocrisy they reference is that you're okay with taking things away which the sourced article they provide says is ineffective.
Do the studies you've read not explain that because the ones cited in the article seem to.
I don't need your help on this.
I get you dude. Sometimes you you do things with a kid with special needs you don't do otherwise and to the peanut gallery no, i am not justifying abuse. Just able to realise that sometimes circumstances need adjustment.
For sure. I said this in another comment but I wouldn't take a door from my kids if they slammed it, I'd just add a slow closer so they can't and then try to give them other options to vent their physical frustration.
We learn what not to do from our parents and just screw our kids up in new and different ways. You just hope you do a better job than your parents.
As a parent I would just install a door closer in this case. Yes, it is kinda ridiculous. But the kid still has a door.
Parents would have to know about it and how to install it
People who don't know how to use a screwdriver should not be screwing.
You’ll find the people least fit to screw, screw the most
This makes sense to me too. Get one of those soft close mechanisms and add it to the door so it can't be slammed.
It doesn' matter why or how long for this is still a fcuking insane act that's weirdly normalised in the US. You guys are not ok.
This was 30+ years ago so I disagree. It doesn't mean it was right but it's easy to judge past actions in current day context.
Nah fam, i was around in the 80's and 90's. even then, fucked up.
That's your opinion but, like I said, this was 30+ years ago so I disagree. It doesn't mean it was right but it's easy to judge past actions in current day context.
Also, I'm not your "fam".
Oh yeah, you're totally fine.
Bro you were abused and you're in denial
I wasn't but I appreciate the diagnosis from someone who read a comment on the internet.