this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2025
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Mental Health

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Existential Crisis... I keep thinking about "what if I wasn't born"... (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works to c/mentalhealth@lemmy.world
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You know how there are people that are born because their parents condom failed, or got drunk and had unprotected sex, or was born because of SA, or otherwise "weren't supposed to be born"?

Well, that's basically me, but its not the usual scenario. I was the second child born during the infamous One Child Policy, and I just keep thinking: what if the government had it their way and managed to terminate me while in gestation?

I know it was a long time ago and I should stop thinking about it. But I kinda, sort of, in a way, feel like those kids that are born "by accident", as in: not meant to exist, "outside of God's plan" (figuratively speaking, I'm not religious). I talked to my mother about it, but then she was just dismissive of these thoughts and doesn't understand what an existential crisis is.

And it especially hurts when sometimes my mother told me she regretted making that decision violate policy to have me because I wasn't being obiedient enough. Some filial piety bs.

What the fuck is my life? The world is collapsing, revolts and civil unrest everywhere, everything seems so surreal.

Edit: And also its like 1:45 AM here, sleep schedule is fucked lol

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[–] Baggie@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 week ago

It's natural to feel this way sometimes, especially when things are getting rocky around the world.

I feel like we often place the emphasis on the 'why' of ourselves, when the truth of things is the world is often chaotic and without particular intent.

It's a bit of a mindset shift, but if you find yourself engulfed with the prospect of needing purpose or justification to the point of debilitation, it might be time to start leaning into the idea that while you can give yourself meaning, nobody really has intrinsic purpose. None of us consented to existence before it was asserted onto us, nobody was born with a script.

Regarding what your mother said, that's really rough, and it's only natural that you might feel some existential weirdness from it. I don't know her, so I can't really put what she said into context or understand, much less lessen that blow. Regardless, her opinion of you doesn't determine your right or reason to exist, or what you do with yourself from here. I know just saying it doesn't magically reprogram your brain, but given time you can readjust how you think about your existence. It'll take a bit of practice and positive thinking, but you might start to see results sooner than you might think.