I'm not a religious person but clearly it is giving you support so I'm really glad to hear it.

Do you doodle? I don't, so I used to put paper in top of comics and copy them. And then hang them on stuff like books. Today I'd do a few in my desk, laptop lid and laptop screen wallpaper. You may want to stick it to your phone? I can see that as great conversation starters with common interest.

I've struggled similarly over the years and had my ups and downs. One thing that has helped me is remembering that my feelings are subjective, and not necessarily reflective of reality. My view of the world is often skewed, whether by brain chemistry, various biases, or the influence of others, so I have to seek out what's actually true in any given situation. It helps me; I hope it will help you, at least a little.

Honestly, in my experience, things get better when I exert control over what I can. I'd tell you to control what you can and go easy with the rest. Try to do better every day, really try consciously, and the struggle itself will be rewarding.

I'm rooting for you. If there is a Creator, and I believe there is, he's rooting for you, too.