I've struggled similarly over the years and had my ups and downs. One thing that has helped me is remembering that my feelings are subjective, and not necessarily reflective of reality. My view of the world is often skewed, whether by brain chemistry, various biases, or the influence of others, so I have to seek out what's actually true in any given situation. It helps me; I hope it will help you, at least a little.

Honestly, in my experience, things get better when I exert control over what I can. I'd tell you to control what you can and go easy with the rest. Try to do better every day, really try consciously, and the struggle itself will be rewarding.

I'm rooting for you. If there is a Creator, and I believe there is, he's rooting for you, too.