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Alabama Supreme Court Set to Decide Constitutionality of Pulling Out (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 8 months ago by Nero@sopuli.xyz to c/theonion@midwest.social
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[-] joyjoy@lemm.ee 66 points 8 months ago

Let's check what the Bible has to say about this.

Genesis 38:9-10

  1. But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother.
  2. What he did was wicked in the LORD’s sight; so the LORD put him to death also.
[-] Assman@sh.itjust.works 51 points 8 months ago

taking notes

Do not.. cum.. on the ground..

[-] 100_kg_90_de_belin@feddit.it 17 points 8 months ago

Is cumming on the bedside table alright with the Lord?

[-] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 12 points 8 months ago

Just as long as you don't use the Lord's denture cup

[-] Assman@sh.itjust.works 11 points 8 months ago

Idk but definitely not under your desk. He hates that

[-] WarmSoda@lemm.ee 10 points 8 months ago

No. Only the face. Or the neck, for the holy pearly necklace.

[-] Bakachu@lemmy.world 10 points 8 months ago

So its like the lava game then. But for your dick.

[-] TurtleTourParty@midwest.social 42 points 8 months ago

His dad was asking him to impregnate his brother's widow but he's like nah I'll just screw her for fun. So he dies...

Then later she disguises herself as a prostitute, and gets pregnant by his dad. Apparently this is okay...

[-] veroxii@aussie.zone 21 points 8 months ago

Sweet home Judeabama.

[-] xilliah@beehaw.org 11 points 8 months ago

I have so many questions about that disguise

[-] TurtleTourParty@midwest.social 6 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

She just covered her face... I mean I guess he hadn't seen her for years but still, it seems like he should have recognized her voice at least.

Although in Genesis 27 Isaac tricks his father into thinking he is his brother by putting goat skins on his hands and neck.

I guess old men were easily tricked back then.

[-] RamblingPanda@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 8 months ago

Basically it was just a beard.

[-] jaybone@lemmy.world 19 points 8 months ago

But was it the pulling out part or the sleeping with his brothers wife part?

[-] Municipal0379@lemmy.world 9 points 8 months ago

Spilling his seed on the floor. Can’t get them floors dirty!

this post was submitted on 21 Feb 2024
434 points (99.1% liked)

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