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What did you have to learn the hard way?
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 03 Aug 2024
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You can't convince someone to love you. It either is there or it's not. They either like you or they don't. It doesn't matter how much you work it or angle yourself it's not there, and you need to move on.
Movies will convince you that you just need to try another way, be romantic. They're wrong. It makes you come off as desperate and weird. In real life you can tell them you have feelings, but a no is a no, and it means move on.
The thing I'm learning is that if someone falls in love with you while you're trying your hardest to be lovable, they may not continue to love you when you start to get comfortable and be yourself.
Don't put energy into a relationship that you cannot sustain or the relationship will fizzle out as soon as you do.
When you go all out, make sure that they are aware on some level that you are going all out and this is a special occasion and not the mandatory minimum.
And if you find yourself putting unsustainable energy into a relationship, that is a gigantic red flag that you yourself need to pay attention to. If the fire won't stay lit unless you keep pouring gas on it, the fire needs to go out.
As I like to say:
Take me as I am or fuck off.
(Doesn't mean you shouldn't work on yourself if you have good reasons to become a "better you".)