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You don't have to.
Anything really. No matter what your friends say, what your family says, you're not obligated to live your life in a way which is not comfortable for you. Or put yourself into situations you dislike just to please other's expectations.
Do it your way. Do your best to be a good person of course (according to whichever moral standard you hold). But do it your way.
Apathy is also my old guy super power. Not about everything, just all the shit that doesn't matter.
The word “No” is such a life-changer and it’s definitely something I learned to apply only recently. I grew up being told to be obedient. Parents demanded it and school enforced it. It made me into a people pleaser and it sucked having to do things that I did not enjoy simply because it was what was expected of me.
I’m still struggling with No but I’ve been trying everyday to keep saying No to things I don’t particularly like.
Nice perspective man. It really gives you time to breath.
Drink water.
So many odd physical conditions ended up being the result of dehydration and went away once I started drinking water throughout my day. I was in my 30s when I learned that one.
And for other people reading this threat - always have a water bottle standing next to you! For me it was a bit game changer to have water quickly accessible. I've also implemented a tradition of drinking a bottle every morning - that immensely helps in getting your body active.
Only downside is that you'll go to the toilet often.
What kinda symptoms?
Seemingly everything:
• Muscle aches
• Joint pain
• Brain fog
• Depression & anxiety
• Increased heart rate
• Energy level
• Mood
Sooo… safe to say, a lot of things! And this isn’t including other things like organ heath, skin, teeth, sleep quality….
The big ones for me were joint pains, chronic headaches, and cramping that made me feel like I needed to take a painful crap. For some strange reason, that last one only occur in the middle of the night and it would last for a good hour or so.
Hmm, I never suffered any conditions when I was chronically mildly dehydrated. I haven’t noticed any benefits after 2 years of being slightly over-hydrated.
The idea of being a loser or winner in life, and that there is an objective consensus that could accurately rank your value as a person, is fake. People as a whole don't take the time to come to agreement on what matters, they don't understand each other, and you don't have a ranking, even theoretically. It's only in your imagination, so make an effort to cut some slack and imagine yourself in a kinder way.
this is a concept i've been trying to put into concrete terms for myself and you just, like, fuckin nailed it right down. thank you so much.
Many times the best way to respond to strong emotions is to just sit with it. Sit and do nothing but experience it. Don't try to "solve the problem", don't shove it down.
Stay fit and maintain lean muscle mass. You don't have to be a crazy fitness nutcase, just try to walk a few miles a day and do some kind of exercise to get your heart rate up 3 times a week or so. Try not to eat total crap, but honestly this matters a lot less than the first part. Be thankful that diminishing returns kick in really early here.
I'm in my mid-50s now. My friends and I are all getting old. Each year the chasm of difference in lifestyles between my fit friends and my unfit friends grows larger. At my age it's starting to feel bleak and grim. The older you get the more your fitness is going to affect your quality of life and happiness. In your 60s it's going to determine whether or not you are even mobile without assistance. Aging ain't fun for anyone, but it's fucking brutal and painful if you're out of shape and/or overweight.
The older you are, the harder it is get in shape. But it doesn't really get any harder to stay in shape once you're there. Don't put it off. If you don't move you're building towards a future where you can't.
It's easy to get your steps in living in a city. I average 8k-10k steps on a typical day just by existing. But the moment you leave the city and go anywhere car centric, it's nearly impossible to get even 5k :(
There’s a lot of things you can do though. Big ass Walmart parking lot? Park in the very back. Office on the 4th floor? Take the stairs. Shit I’ve started practicing taking the 30 flights of stairs up to my office personally.
There’s a lot of little things you can do that add up.
That I'm autistic as fuck and no, I'm not angry, I'm overstimulated, understimulated, too cold, too hot, hungry, thirsty, I don't have my glasses on, or anything really.
So I'm learning to be kinder towards myself and go outside of my comfort zone every once in a while, but on my own terms.
That drinking a lot in your early 20s needs to stop after college-ish or it quickly becomes too much. Easy to get addicted and also your body pretty much sucks at handling it after 24/5.
Also, if you have zero energy you’re probably depressed
I hope there's no implication in there that it is ok to drink before your early twenties. But just in case: it's a really bad choice in life! https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/alcohol-harms-the-brain-in-teen-years-before-and-after-that-too-2021011521758
I mean it's not good for you period but it feels so much worse later on if you can't control yourself. A drink here and there with family in high school is fine. Many countries outside the conservative US treat it that way and it often produces more mature and less mystified perceptions of alcohol :)
Dental floss, man. Dental floss.
I was amazed at how little time it took me to develop this habit as an adult. Honestly, just commit to flossing every single day for like 2 weeks straight. It’s just 14 times you’re signing up for. Don’t skip a day.
By the end of the two weeks I bet you’ll feel gross if you skip it and be wondering why you haven’t been flossing your whole life.
Just this one habit change will save you tons of grief and thousands of dollars in dental work over your life. Your gum health affects your overall health in countless ways.
I like those little plastic floss pick things instead of bare floss. Lowers the hassle a lot.
Twice a day and don't go at it like an animal or too harshly .... it's a pain and I don't particularly enjoy it but at the same time, I have many, many friends who never took care of their teeth and now in their 40s and 50s either have several missing teeth or are dealing with cavities or gum disease so bad that they will lose their perfectly healthy teeth in a few years.
Seeing what happens to your teeth and mouth if you don't take care of them is what motivates me every day to take care of mine.
I also think of it this way .... would you rather have the small inconvenience every morning and night of flossing ... or would you rather not do that every day and just have one terrible and painful dental visit every two / three years to remove another tooth and have your dentist tell you that you're going to lose more in a few years.
Being outside for a little bit every day. The walk from the office to your car is not enough
Spend time outdoors ... go camping or sleep outside for a night or two ... just unplug and be alone for a few hours or a few days. It does wonders to your mental health if you just remove yourself from everything and everyone once in a while.
Spend time in water if you can as well. Float a river or go to a beach or lake. I always joked about drying out but its true. Natural bodies of water are special/significant for me/my well being.
Buying a GOOD computer chair. You don't know the pain you're causing yourself until you wake up with a sore lower back.
That is an important one and I'll expand on it slightly...I spend probably 80% of my time either sleeping, sitting in front of the computer, or out walking around. Consequentially, the most comfortable and expensive things I own are my mattress, my office chair, and my shoes. Spend your money where it matters.
Constant low level exposure to ads and commerce in general is bad for the soul. These voices aren't your friends, they don't have your best interests at heart.
Buy ad free services. If they don't provide ad free, go elsewhere.
Rediscover the joys of ad free, intelligent radio. Start with BBC World Service and BBC Radio 4. There are many others I'm sure.
Make sure your routine includes exercise (ideally strength and conditioning), the change in your quality of life cannot be overstated. Also you are much more useful to others
And stretch!
It took me 30 years to learn I've CPTSD.
Same.
I guess the 'lesson' would be:
If you can do a thought exercise about a or multiple personal relationships you have with adults, and you conclude that a blatant, repeated and normalized double standard exists where if you treated these persons they way they treat you, for just one day or one week, and you know they would become enraged, furious and indignant, that their world would collapse around them without you bearing emotional / physical / mental / financial / planning responsibilities or tasks for them...
Run. Leave. Block. Cut off all contact.
Such people cannot be changed, and your life will be better without them.
Did you learn how you got that?
Yes
What self-care have you learned thar you can briefly share?
What you think is characteristics of a personality, might be symptoms of abuse.
a long hot bath is worth the time spent on it.
That it’s okay to stop what I’m doing and take care of myself even if everyone else is doing fine. And that running yourself into the ground because you’re “supposed to” is going to fuck you up in the long run.
That last bit especially applies to running, my knee clicks an unreasonable amount now.
Don't hold in your shits
Also buy a bidet
I bought a bidet. Now I only want to shit at home.
It's like a paradox.
Don't take so seriously and you can never out exercise a bad diet.
Moisturizer will prevent a lot of face blemishes.
Hormone related acne changes aside, if don't have other skin / health issues and you're regularly changing your sheets and clothes, moisturizing will solve a lot of face stuff.
Bottom sheets are much comfier than a bare mattress
It's a bit abstract, but...
If something feels off or wrong, trust your instinct.
Exercise matters for your mental health, not just looking good or longevity.
Take care of hand skin.
Learned it in the lab, after some sodium hydroxide got into a minor wound on my hand and started burning.
