Ask Lemmy

I'm low-contact with a couple of my core family. When we do meet, the other relatives are usually nice enough to just stop any political conversations or rants. Every once in a while, one slips through and I just ignore it, but our interactions have become infrequent enough that it's maybe yearly.

It's heartbreaking to both see some real opinions in some cases (some of which are products of their eras, and some of which have softened), but I also mourn the lack of immunity to conspiracy theories and propeganda on the other; I have seen almost a polar shift in one relative that really shocks me.

Don't discuss politics with them if you want to maintain contact as parents.

If you live with them it could be tricky but let them know you will not be talking politics or any kind of emotionally charged topic with them going forward. Lets keep it light and stick to the things we agree on and leave everything else at the door. Avoid talking about them or saying you or sounding accusatory to minimize defensiveness, just let them know these topics and conversations are not how you want to use your time and energy and thinking anymore.

If they start trying to drag you into a forbidden topic, simply let them know you are heading off to do something since you dont have anything to add or contribute to topics that you are uncomfortable with like you mentioned to them before.

Start with this and let us know if they bite. I've got some other ideas but start with this and see how it goes. At the end of the day, engaging in these kinds of discussions over and rehashed constantly is damaging and pointless so the key is transcending them by not participating in them or feeding the wrong wolf. Be polite and respectful but also assertive that you will not be dealing with these topics any longer

Nothing you can do.

It’s not uncommon for people who lived under harsh authoritarians to still support that methodology even if they emigrate to a more moderate and tolerant society to escape the shit country for a better life. Cubans, Russians, even some of my own family members who lived under one of the most infamous dictators of all, they have the same sentiment about their own fascist leader: “At least Hitler made the trains run on time.” Even if it isn’t true, the dictator would bash heads and keep the apple cart from being upset - not because doing so made anyone’s life better…quite the opposite. Bashing heads and keeping order prevented things like crackdowns, purges, arrests and the like that made lives worse.

Is "here" in the US? Or somewhere else in the West? I'm mostly asking because I could probably give more concrete tips if it were in Germany.

Have they ever met a refuge from Ukraine? Did they talk with them?

As for things like wind parks or climate policies or economics I think it is important to find a way to present that as "this is directly financially beneficial for you". Here in Germany, let's say, different independent financial institutions have calculated the total tax burden based on your income bracket if different parties were in power and went through with their plans. And lo and behold, of course FDP, CDU and AfD would have very much increased the tax burden on low to middle income people. Or they calculated that the great sounding plans of these parties would cost like 150 billion euros - which is an incredibly high sum - and explaining this away with "oh we'll make the economy prosper" doesn't work either (more calculations that are irrelevant if you're not in Germany).

My honest tip is don't make it about ideology. If you want to keep talking about politics, don't talk about liberation. Don't talk about foreigners, nazis, climate change, DEI or LGBTQ. Your best bet is money. And safety maybe. But as others have suggested - reconsider whether you even want to throw pearls at swine and try to convince them of something different.

And don't forget that a lot of behavior is a reaction of fear. In the beginning of the war there was a great podcast episode of Екатерина Шульман where she tried to emphasize that in times of aggression, it is a very natural response of the psyche to align with the aggressor. Your parents neither want to see the country they came from, love and probably idealize (as we always do with our past, especially when we don't fully beling somewhere new) as the Bad Guy, nor do they want to be scared - for their country, for their future, for their relatives, for you.

Also, I just want to say, my condolences, and I deal with similar stuff. My family is either apolitical or opportunistic, and the best case scenario is "well both sides are bad". I've been scared to call my grandpa who has первый канал running 24/7 for a year after the war started, I can guess what side he is on. If you ever want to just vent about how awful and difficult it is, feel free to write me.

I virtually never discuss politics with my parents. I don't have a clue about which party they even vote for.

Whenever I try to argue with them, they tell me that I’ve been brainwashed by “Western propaganda”.

I would ask "What makes you think so?" and go from there.

Likely the only viable way is to guide them into realizing where their biases come from, or that they're taking views over without questioning them.

If you seemingly can't change their opinions or views, and it burdens you, it's fine to accept different or opposing views. You can either evade those topics completely, and if necessary be vocal and explicit about that, or physically leave [the room] if necessary, or make your opposition clear while also making it clear that you have no interest in discussing it further.

Well, one of mine died and it turns out the other one turned Trumper because she had developed dementia so I don't hold it against her.

Have you tried that?

Books or audio books on the subject of cults and conspiracy theories help to both understand this and eventually know what to do about it.

Unfortunately, you arguing with them about it most likely did only damage and no good. Stop. It will only make your parents more right wing (and you left) then drive you both crazy.

Here is a good place to start if you like: Hivemind by A.Montell Cultish BA S.cavanagh

Hit me up if you want more. But it's a complicated subject that can't be explained in a short lemmy post. If you want any other advice, OP, eatsomeveggies.

It helps if you have siblings on your side who can shout them down. Genuinely. 3 vs 1, or 3 vs 2 is still enough to open their minds on some topics.

Meet force with force, but only if you have an army. If you're an only child, a more subversive approach is required

@ieatmeat

To quote mc Paul Barnum

"They’re scared of change because they are new to it. So don’t demand change on the face. Change can be fluid. Sometimes it’s all right to give up on adults who worked themselves stupid."

I moved out when I was 18 and mostly don't talk to much of my biological family.

I wouldn't.

I'd approach it from a personal level, as in, "you're disgusting for doing this, you're disgusting for pretending any of this bullshit is defensible. This is beyond the pale. I'll talk to you again if you stop it with the crap, not before. I'm ashamed to come from people who would do this."

I don't know if it's a good idea to try and talk actual policy points with them. You think they reasoned their way there? This isn't politics, it's assholish indecency. Treat it like the thing it is.

Debating people who's entire thing is "don't be serious but make the others be" is dumb. Clown on em, tell them you can visit when they stop being transparently awful. Make it their job to patch things up, and don't use kid gloves. Don't allow the idea that they have a point into the conversation. That only applies to people who have points. Nazi shit gets you put in time out instead.

Don't take up the mantle of always having to put out the fire they keep lighting in the bridge between you. They'll burn it down and try to blame you for it, mark my words.

I don't talk politics. Not at work. Not to my parents. I just keep my opinions to myself to keep my sanity.

My parents are more right wing than me and I tend to just change to conversation topic or make non-commital comments about their opinions.

From my perspective it seems like a general trend towards becoming more right wing for a lot of older people and I'm definitely not going to change their mindset which has been set over 75+ years. I try to just enjoy the time I have with them while I still have them.

Think about attending the funerals if you need the closure but you're under no obligation.

It's damn exhausting to discuss political topics with them, [...]

Then don't, and if that's the only thing they're willing to talk about, make passive aggressive remarks about their lack of conversational creativity.

Immigrants to where?

Tell them this, Can't buy a house under Republicans,can't buy a house under Democrats, while it's great it worked out for them. You are not represented as a voter and they need to get their heads out of their ass. That is, if they try to push conservative ideas. Otherwise, let them be happy and stupid. The misery is coming for them eventually, so why rush them.

You can't win, unless you delete their social media. There is nothing you can say or do that won't be erased by their next Facebook visit. They are also co-dependent and will not divert from their course individualy

No contact

I cut them off.