this post was submitted on 11 Mar 2025
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Programmer Humor

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transcriptA meme saying: "STOP DOING COMPUTER SCIENCE"

  • Computers were supposed to solve math, NOT to be programmed
  • C is a LETTER, not a language
  • Wanna print() something? Write it in a PAPER with a PEN
  • "I'm writing a recursive method with threads to optimize the CPU usage in a 0.02%" THIS IS A NONSENSICAL STATEMENT MADE BY DERANGED PEOPLE

Look at what PROGRAMMERs have been demanding your respect for, after all the led lights we put in their computers: (This is real COMPUTER SCIENCE, done by real COMPUTER SCIENTISTS)

  • FUNNY COLORED LETTERS (with a picture of syntax-highlighted code)
  • 178 COMPILATION ERRORS????? (with a picture of compilation errors
  • A FAKE TEAPOT YOU CAN'T USE (with a picture of a 3d rendered teapot.

IF PROGRAMMING WAS REAL HOW COME NOBODY THOUGH IN DOING while(true{print(money);}

end transcript.

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[–] Mothproof2212@feddit.org 70 points 6 days ago (3 children)

Why are you trying to write python? Just get one from the pet shop!

[–] davidgro@lemmy.world 33 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Rust is even easier, you probably have some you aren't even using. Check in the bikeshed.

[–] LinyosT@sopuli.xyz 10 points 6 days ago

Why are you writing Rust? Do you want to get tetanus?

[–] jef@lemm.ee 5 points 6 days ago

Don't understand why it takes people so long anyways, took me like 5 seconds to write it.

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[–] SlopppyEngineer@lemmy.world 51 points 6 days ago (1 children)

A client with s very low budget wanted a solution for their filing. We suggested they could get more bang for their bucks with preprinted paper forms, pens and a cabinet than going for software. They were not amused.

[–] eager_eagle@lemmy.world 18 points 6 days ago

and if they want to go fancy and cheap, suggest excel.

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 24 points 6 days ago (3 children)

Science? There's science behind the clusterfuck we call software nowadays?

[–] slaneesh_is_right@lemmy.org 14 points 6 days ago (1 children)

I think it's only getting worse. I always assumed the next generation will be more tech savvy than the last one. I had to learn windows/mac/dos when i grew up, just to play some video games. There was a lot of troubleshooting and hardware problems i had to figure out. When i was 25, people would tell me that their 5 year old can use their ipd better than they can. (Ipads just came out.) I thought these kids are gonna be computer wizards when they grow up. It was the absolute opposite. I talked to these kids when they were around 16 again, and they were absolutely clueless. If it wasn't an ipad or an app they could use, they might as well play with a piece of glass. Can you do ..... On an ipad? Hmm, what app is that? It's not an app is something you do, like a setting. Hmmm... I'll check the app store.

[–] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 6 days ago

Yep, 1990-2010 was kind of the golden age for learning computers on the fly. They were too rare and inaccessible before, and they're too polished and sandboxed now.

[–] Irelephant@lemm.ee 6 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 5 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Misinterpreted, abused, generally mistreated, ignored and disrespected.

[–] SatouKazuma@programming.dev 1 points 4 days ago

I feel like these terms apply to any non-JS dev ever.

Source: JS can suck my balls. It's an awful, chaotically evil language that has never made any sense, nor do I think it ever will.

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[–] humanspiral@lemmy.ca 33 points 6 days ago (1 children)

while 1 print money

Central banks obfuscate this code a bit, but its all about having the right printer hooked up.

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[–] nullPointer@programming.dev 42 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

I just tell people that I am a "professional button pusher"

[–] Irelephant@lemm.ee 33 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Knowing which buttons to push is the valuable part though.

[–] ulterno@programming.dev 21 points 6 days ago

That's what diffs a professional button pusher from an amateur button pusher.
When you know which buttons in which order get you money, you become a professional.

[–] cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 14 points 6 days ago

I dont know where I heard this story but it was something like the following:

In a company a very valuable machine breaks and becomes inoperable, so they call the support. They send a mechanic to fix the machine. The mechanic arrives inspects the machine, opens it, presses a button and it works as if nothing happened. The manager then asks why he is paying the mechanic just to press a button. The mechanic answers "you aren't paying me for pressing the button, but for knowing which button to press".

[–] morrowind@lemmy.ml 31 points 6 days ago (3 children)

Ok but that is actually a nonsensical statement. In no case will using threads and recursion reduce cpu usage

[–] masterspace@lemmy.ca 14 points 6 days ago

Oh I can use threads and recursion to stop CPU usage.

[–] limer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Maybe if the threads pause a lot, and pause even more as the stack unwinds to the final exciting conclusion.

[–] morrowind@lemmy.ml 6 points 6 days ago

I suppose that's true. And also deranged to do it on purpose

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[–] onlyhalfminotaur@lemmy.world 13 points 5 days ago

Where is "they've played us for absolute fools"

[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 23 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

I mean, the entirety of Steam's code could maybe be described as an obfuscated version of

while(true){ print(money); }

[–] Irelephant@lemm.ee 15 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Twitter is just a wrapper around a database.

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[–] Gork@lemm.ee 17 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

We need more funding for RGB lit components for our programmers since this will make them better programmers

[–] ulterno@programming.dev 6 points 6 days ago (2 children)

I am able to get components with unwanted lighting all over the place, but none where lighting is desirable.

  • Didn't ask for lighting in my fans, got them.
  • Didn't ask for lighting on my motherboard, got it.
  • Didn't ask to a blinding light in the power indicator of my monitor, which is brighter than the screen itself. Had to tape it up.
  • Took a real while to find a cabinet without glass/acrylic stuff, because that's all people sell nowadays.
  • Asked for a good backlit keyboard for a reasonable price. I had to make cutouts out of glow-in-the-dark stickers.
    • RGB everywhere by default, but getting even a single coloured backlight on a keyboard ramps up the price like anything.
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[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 14 points 6 days ago (8 children)
[–] MaggiWuerze@feddit.org 22 points 6 days ago

Its a traditional shape you try to recreate in algorithmic 3d graphics

[–] doeknius_gloek@discuss.tchncs.de 22 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 7 points 6 days ago

I'm a t... I'm BATMAN.

[–] charonn0@startrek.website 18 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

A standard reference model in 3d modeling.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utah_teapot

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[–] _____@lemm.ee 12 points 6 days ago (1 children)

using threads to reduce cpu usage ? in what world ? if you can parallelize tasks you will always increase the workload done.

[–] sus@programming.dev 18 points 6 days ago

they said optimize CPU usage, not reduce CPU usage. clearly they actually want to increase CPU utilization in this mysterious "0.02%" situation in order to get the results faster

[–] thickertoofan@lemm.ee 13 points 6 days ago

Yeah it's all propaganda, I like bashing a keyboard's keys due to sexual reasons.

[–] x00z@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Ah yes, let's forget that that image is created on a computer

[–] Irelephant@lemm.ee 9 points 5 days ago (1 children)

No, I made it pixel by pixel on a piece of paper, and then scanned it to spread the word.

[–] Zzyzx@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 5 days ago

Thank you for your service

[–] A_A@lemmy.world 10 points 6 days ago (1 children)

:) + Bitcoin mining :
while(true{print(money);}

[–] Tja@programming.dev 11 points 6 days ago (1 children)

There's like 2 syntax errors in this one liner.

[–] A_A@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago

🤣, welcome {( to ] ] !programmer_humor

[–] Kidplayer_666@lemm.ee 9 points 6 days ago

Weimar Republic thought of exactly that

[–] Scoopta@programming.dev 8 points 6 days ago (3 children)

"Write it in a paper"...I'm not sure how that works but I am very curious

[–] Irelephant@lemm.ee 9 points 6 days ago

Write so hard out of anger that you rip the paper.

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[–] BillTheTailor@lemmy.ml 8 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Developer here: can confirm. (#4 is actually true.)

[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 9 points 6 days ago (5 children)

Indeed, anytime I optimize code, it ends up taking more CPU to run.

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[–] wheeldawg@sh.itjust.works 3 points 5 days ago

What is "a 0.02%"?

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago

So saith corporal Ludd

[–] ertai@programming.dev 6 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Honestly I'm disappointed. The reasons exposed here are much too weak.

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