this post was submitted on 28 Mar 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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[–] MECHAGODZILLA2@midwest.social 7 points 20 hours ago

Just FYI if your package is “discrete” your delivery person is “discretely” laughing at you

[–] cryptix@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 17 hours ago

I think its a dick move.

[–] Elkot@lemmy.world 3 points 20 hours ago

Your mom been on Amazon again?

[–] YoiksAndAway@lemmy.zip 146 points 2 days ago (6 children)

"Pull forward after fueling or get shot"?

[–] MBM 2 points 19 hours ago

... nobody came forward to say that the image is in fact photoshopped? It's part of the joke. It's from a facebook group that does these things.

[–] deegeese@sopuli.xyz 84 points 2 days ago (19 children)

Station owner sounds like a fake tough guy who cries about DEI.

[–] MBM 1 points 19 hours ago

Definitely a fake tough guy, but not in the way you meant. The whole image is fake.

[–] fmstrat@lemmy.nowsci.com 3 points 1 day ago

Maybe, but not based on the sign. That's a standard trucker joke about waiting for pumps.

[–] OutlierBlue@lemmy.ca 31 points 2 days ago

So a standard Trump supporter?

[–] ceenote@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Sure, he's like that on the surface, but I bet his station is willing to accept huge, suggestively shaped loads, if you know what I mean.

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[–] Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 4 points 1 day ago

Probably flu shot, maybe Covid booster?

[–] False@lemmy.world 25 points 2 days ago

"Sorry, my cock is too big for that"

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 22 points 2 days ago (5 children)

It's a joke about truckers that fuel and then fuck around while the guy behind them is fuming with impatience. LOL, I've been that guy.

"OH FFS MOVE!"

Besides, truckers are on more of a schedule than the rest of us tooling around.

[–] YoiksAndAway@lemmy.zip 9 points 2 days ago

Thank you! This makes the most sense. I was wondering what was wrong with "please pull forward when done fueling" without threatening violence. A common annoyance plus and inside joke makes a lot more sense.

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[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 80 points 2 days ago (1 children)

No, they said discrete. Each mammoth dildo is individually wrapped.

[–] JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 19 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Ah, -screte/-screet. Motherfucker.

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 32 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Is it legal to shot someone after you post a sign?

[–] MeThisGuy@feddit.nl 9 points 2 days ago

yep, double tap recommended at a gas station

[–] Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 65 points 2 days ago (2 children)

That's just the latest Bezos rocket under wraps. The final version will achieve perfect penis proportions for getting deep into space.

[–] cerement@slrpnk.net 21 points 2 days ago

assuming it doesn’t just blow its load all over the Caribbean

[–] tacofox@lemm.ee 15 points 2 days ago (3 children)

BREAKING: “Dr.Evil is suing Jeff Bezos for IP infringement. Dr.Evil gives statement on the matter. - “What’s next freaking lasers on freaking sharks!?”” More at 11pm.

[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

Dr. Evil demands compensation of

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[–] Rentlar@lemmy.ca 28 points 2 days ago

That's contraband in the state of Texas.

[–] Dagwood222@lemm.ee 20 points 2 days ago (1 children)

LPT.

If you're using a toy that big, the neighbors and the police already know what's going on

Responding for a friend

[–] Ziglin@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Dagwood222@lemm.ee 4 points 1 day ago

Life Pro Tip.

[–] SeeMarkFly@lemmy.ml 14 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It's the dildo of consequence heading for D.C. I hope it gets there soon.

[–] mondomon@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)
[–] SeeMarkFly@lemmy.ml 6 points 2 days ago

The dildo of consequence ALWAYS arrives un-lubed.

[–] elannasdad@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago

"It's a twenty-foot cock and balls man. It don't look like nothing else."

Paging Dr. Evil.

[–] eran_morad@lemmy.world 8 points 2 days ago

Maybe it’s Nicole’s.

[–] jrwperformance@lemmy.world 14 points 2 days ago (4 children)

What is it actually? Is it some price of industrial equipment that just happens to look like a Johnson? Or is it part of a parade float or something?

[–] krashmo@lemmy.world 22 points 2 days ago (3 children)

What is that thing in the sky? It looks like a huge...

JOHNSON!

Yes sir?

[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Woody? Woody Harrelson?

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[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I hope your mom is enjoying her new dildo.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

That's actually the return trip to Wish.com. Those pictures always overpromise, she didn't expect the miniature version.

[–] RizzoTheSmall@lemm.ee 7 points 2 days ago

Ma! MA!! Ma, yer mail's here!

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