180 seconds (3 minutes) is a hilarious overestimation of any fighter's ability. Unless you're counting the time it takes to bleed out.
this post was submitted on 08 May 2025
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10 seconds of fighting, 170 seconds of screaming while being ripped apart.
1 swipe from those giant claws will end you in less than 10 seconds.
Worked in Yellowstone for a summer.
Spent some time with the rangers. They got all sorts of questions...
Like which handgun caliber would be best to defend oneself from a bear.
Essentially, the ranger broke it down stating there was a weakness in the skull about the size of a bullet that you had to hit directly to have a chance of dropping a bear with a handgun. While its coming at you and pissed/hungry.
So essentially, you've just pissed off the bear before it gets it claws on you.
Well placed slugs from shotguns, rifle rounds, and preferably (according to the ranger in question) a tranquilizer to re-home the bear away from people. That being said, the bears are tracked to an extent and bears who show repeated behavior endangering themselves/tourists tend to be exterminated, sadly.
Hand to claw combat? Human is going down.
This is why in the past, when bears were hunted, they were hunted in their dens during hibernation - at the end of spears to keep that hungry bear as far away as possible from your soft easily rent flesh.
rent flesh
Are we still doing phrasing?
Snapping out of your fantasy as you're being eaten alive is a bad move.
I feel like the other option is a Jacob’s Ladder experience
They may kill SEAL with a slap but how many polar bear slaps does it take to kill members of other special forces?
I don't know...Ask Mr. Owl.
That depends on the bear's tactical training, if the bear went through bootcamp then it's one slap, if the bear is also a SEAL then it's half a slap.
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Here is a black bear, a grizzly, and a polar bear.
And Marcie.
Another reference, this time in 3D:
Me, 6'4" 235lb, that's a full grown and a cub 1:1 statue
That picture is not in 3D. Not at all.
You have to use your 3D monocle for this one
And there was a time that humans with stone tools were like yep I can kill that
Thats how we made it this far. Some absolute morons charge ahead and get themselves killed, while everyone else shakes their head. With some animals it works, surprisingly. Others we learn to keep away from- until the next moron feels like " hey, lets try that thing again!".
I mean we basically successfully hunted every animal on the planet. Wouldn't say it's fair to call them morons
Ahead of their time.
Nah that was their time. If you gave the average group of humans 40,000 years ago and an average group of modern day humans spears and told them to hunt a polar bear, the group from the past would be much more successful.
Obviously our technology today makes it an easier task, but I'm very impressed at what our ancestors were capable of.
Look up cave bears for a treat.
That cub will fuck me up
It would.
Off on a tangent, but relevant, I recently watched a video from a big cat trainer, and he stated that lion and tiger cubs are absolutely lethal at the age of 6 months. They can literally play with you to death.
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Fighting bears isn’t that common of an encounter. I’d be more worried about deer and coyotes or even a single cougar than the off chance of encountering a bear. They will definitely fuck you up but it’s not like they are starting their day to be like “Imma go murder a human” in the same way other urban-adjacent animals are—I think they just wanna get that sweet sweet pick-a-nic basket.
dies from turkey assault
This is what a bear would say to lull us into a false sense of security.
woah woah, bear with me here…
Polar bears will absolutely try to hunt you. They'll eat anything that moves. The only way to deal with a polar bear is a gun.
Tbh, even if you have a gun, your odds are not 100%. You're firing at essentially a biological tank, small caliber fire might cause pain and eventually kill a polar bear with non-vital shots, but it's not going to stop one barreling down on you.
Realistically, you need to be a decent enough marksmen to aim for a vital point, all while making your will saves because a giant monster is charging you. I'm pretty sure most humans are still fucked.
The ancient drawing was by a caveman trying to convince his caveman bros that he could totally take a polar bear.
You mean there are single cougars in your local area ? I always thought these ads were lying
There are enough of them that I no longer go in certain areas of the forest unless I'm armed. And I always have 2 arms on me at all times.
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Moose are not to be trifled with either. If you accidentally put yourself between mama and baby, you’re gonna have a real bad time
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Bear is black, fight back.
Bear is brown, turn around.
Bear is white, say good night.
Bear is Kodiak, you are trespassing and you will be shot.
Turn around is a bad idea
If it's brown, lie down
Oh, I had understood that to mean lay down facedown (with your back to it) since people usually have backpacks while hiking/hunting, and it provides some measure of protection.
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Bear is white, say good night, and tuck it in and tell it a story. Once the bear has fallen asleep snuggle up to it, so it has a fresh morning snack.
Also.
Some black bears are brown.
Some brown bears are black.
Good luck everyone.
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I remember somewhere they were saying you should remove your clothes (slowly piece by piece) with a polar bear. The bear will get distracted and start sniffing your clothes.
I think it was a QI episode and then David Mitchell said something like that Polar Bear being happier in the fact that the human would be better to eat this time because it didn't have a wrapper.
That’s a myth perpetuated by the polar bears, they’re just perverts
This works because polar bears are super horny. Its desire to rend you limb from limb will be replaced by overwhelming lust. Of course then you've got a completely different issue to deal with, but at least you might not die.
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Do not – and I really cannot stress this enough – give any of those bears cocaine
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Also, one of the few animals that will hunt humans for food
its revenge, actually. Justified at that.
Can’t blame them. They’re running out of options.
Fun fact: Grizzlies and Polar Bears are the same species according to the Biological Species Concept.
Meaning they interbreed in the wild (somewhat rare), and produce viable offspring that can have babies as well.
We’re actually noticing this happening more and more with climate change. As Grizzly populations move further and further north, they’re encountering polar bears more often and are more likely to mate. Some scientists actually think within the next couple centuries due to arctic sea ice pretty much disappearing polar bears will either go extinct, or interbreed with grizzlies so much that there isn’t a “pure” polar bear left. Most likely a mix of both.
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