this post was submitted on 04 Aug 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Get_Off_My_WLAN@fedia.io 152 points 1 week ago (2 children)

A wise friend once said, "the best boobs are the ones you can touch."

[–] tequinhu@lemmy.world 70 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Nah, I don't like my own boobs

[–] TheLowestStone@lemmy.world 30 points 1 week ago

I don't like them either. Unless...

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[–] twice_hatch@midwest.social 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The best boobs are free. The second-best boobs are cold. Wait, is that beer?

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[–] exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com 115 points 1 week ago (12 children)

People are allowed to have their own preferences different from mine, but I'm always thrown off by the number of comments on the internet who insist they don't care about boob size.

Personally, I'm like the fake straight persona that Captain Holt puts on in Brooklyn 99: "I see a pair of thick, weighty breasts and all logic flies out the window."

[–] matelt@feddit.uk 63 points 1 week ago (3 children)

There's nothing more intoxicating than the clear absence of a penis.

Sincerely,

Matelt

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[–] peoplebeproblems@midwest.social 33 points 1 week ago (6 children)

I guess they have like a size range for me. So I do care, just tend to shy away from really large boobs.

There's nothing wrong with them, but, idk there's a certain point where they just look broken.

"Too small" is probably just flat. Admittedly I haven't actually seen a ciswoman with an actual flat chest, but I'm sure someone is unlucky. And to be honest, I'm not even sure that wouldn't be a turnoff, unless they looked way younger than they are.

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[–] Pieisawesome@lemmy.dbzer0.com 30 points 1 week ago (2 children)

There is also such a thing as too large of a breast.

Look up the largest breast record holder.

That’s too fucking big.

I think that the insistence of “not caring about boob size” is really saying “I like boobies in the typical size and shape range”.

Extremes would probably break this rule, but extremes are just that

[–] twice_hatch@midwest.social 15 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

I mean I would still try sleeping with someone with problematically huge breasts, just out of curiosity

[–] Velypso@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 week ago

Purely a scientific endeavor. Indeed.

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[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 22 points 1 week ago

Large breasts are hypnotic in a way that smaller breasts aren't, and I don't deny that I'm attracted to them, but I'm not necessarily more attracted to them even though I am more likely to stare.

I also have a thing for the athletic flat-chested look. I had such a huge crush on my friend who was competitive long-distance runner.

[–] jqubed@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago (4 children)

All other things being equal I’d generally say bigger is better, but size is nowhere near the top of my criteria. That’s what I mean if I’m saying I don’t care about size; maybe that’s what others do too?

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[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Huh, I tend to feel bad for their mid to lower back in 5 to 10 years.

[–] WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (6 children)

Why do you wait so long to feel bad for them?

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[–] AnarchistArtificer@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (2 children)

For me, (a bi woman,) it depends on the context. If I'm surreptitiously checking out someone, then yeah, I have preferences. In practice, none of those preferences matter when I'm at motorboating distance from a partner's boobs. If I think of every set of boobs I have seen in that context, I can legitimately say I have no preference.

I don't know, I think that by the time it gets to that point, it's impossible to see the boobs as an abstract, aesthetically pleasing thing. Instead, I see them in the context of the entire person, and that feels infinitely more erotic. At first I thought that maybe it's a case of all the women I've slept with having boobs that fit their frame, but I don't think that's the case either. Big boobs on a small frame: Hot. Small boobs on a small frame: Hot. Big boobs on a large frame: Hot. Small boobs on a large frame: Hot. Wonky boobs on a medium frame: Hot.

Reflecting further, I think my mentality might be because some years ago, when I was tripping on 2CB, something clicked in me and I suddenly understood "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"; I realised that there was beauty and ugliness in everything, and I could just choose to see the beauty. It worked wonders for my own body confidence at the time, and I'm realising now that the sentiment has stuck with me deeper than I thought. I reckon that by the time I'm sleeping with someone, I've made an active choice to opt into seeing their beauty. If I weren't able to do that, I probably wouldn't get to the point of seeing them naked.

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[–] JokeDeity@sh.itjust.works 82 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I legitimately love this stupid analogy.

[–] RagingRobot@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Works for penises too.

A penis made of pennies

[–] WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Does it work for ass pennies?

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[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 77 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The best tits are the ones someone decides to share with you.

[–] romanticremedy@lemmy.blahaj.zone 72 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 18 points 1 week ago (2 children)

That is true imo. Don't want an evil woman with big tiddies as a gf

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Ok but what if evil not as in the racist cat-kicker way but as in hot DC wizard of darkness way?

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[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 72 points 1 week ago (4 children)

The Great Philosopher then hands Anon $100 in Monopoly Money.

Anon Replies: "These bills are fake"

The philosopher shrugs: "My analogies aren't perfect"

[–] StrixUralensis@tarte.nuage-libre.fr 32 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Monopoly money

Ah I see, the great philosopher is Eastern European

[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 46 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The farther east you go the more enlightened as well

[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 18 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Is that like anime Nasreddin Hoca with a gay twist that is apparently quite popular on the internet now, or is this something else?

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[–] brotundspiele@sh.itjust.works 58 points 1 week ago (1 children)

ACAB: All cup-sizes are beautiful

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[–] flandish@lemmy.world 53 points 1 week ago

“tits is tits.” - Flandish

[–] BakerBagel@midwest.social 45 points 1 week ago (2 children)

$100 in coins is way more valuable than bills. $100 in pennies is worth about $280 in scrap copper these days

[–] Pat@feddit.nu 3 points 5 days ago

However, you're not legally allowed to smelt pennies into scrap. So, the point still stands.

[–] bizzle@lemmy.world 19 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Even though they're mostly zinc now?

[–] Sergio@lemmy.world 42 points 1 week ago

You can sell them to Ea-nasir.

[–] BakerBagel@midwest.social 13 points 1 week ago

Apparently the calculator i used refers only to pre-1982 pennies. But those are still plentiful and can be found without issue

[–] twice_hatch@midwest.social 42 points 1 week ago (2 children)

These are my breasts, there are many like them, but these ones are mine

[–] thespcicifcocean@lemmy.world 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Without me, my breasts are nothing, without my breasts, I am nothing.

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[–] moakley@lemmy.world 39 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

I like smaller because I can fit more of them in my mouth. So far my record is still 1.

[–] IndiBrony@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

How much do you need in your mouth to consider it to be 2?

Because I squeezed my gf's tiddies together and got both nipples in my mouth.

Might not have had anything more in my mouth, but she certainly didn't mind 👍

[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago (2 children)

so you would take the coins

[–] moakley@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I could fit so many coins in my mouth.

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[–] ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 30 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (5 children)

My impression is that breast size matters primarily for competing with other women. It's like muscle size (past a certain point) for men.

[–] ddplf@szmer.info 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I don't know my man, personally I like me some extra large milkers

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[–] MDCCCLV@lemmy.ca 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The bills have greater value because you can carry more of them in less space and the savings in space can be used to pick up other objects.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 38 points 1 week ago (2 children)

The coins have greater value because you can put them in a sock and mug people, then get more money

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[–] steeznson@lemmy.world 27 points 1 week ago

Fake: Anon is literate/erudite

Gay: Anon has to ask what he is supposed to find attractive in the opposite sex

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 16 points 1 week ago (8 children)

People ask guys if they're into tits or ass.

My answer has always been the same.

Legs.

Fit legs?

You're not gonna care about how big or small the t or a is or isn't.

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