this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2025
284 points (89.2% liked)

Not The Onion

17654 readers
642 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
(page 2) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 19 points 3 days ago
[–] steal_your_face@lemmy.ml 8 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Medically verified by who? Seems like the only source of his claims is himself, kinda sus tbh. Might be a fake story.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] baines@lemmy.cafe 23 points 3 days ago (12 children)

are all the impressed comments in here from men lol

load more comments (12 replies)
[–] pennomi@lemmy.world 22 points 3 days ago (3 children)

14.5 inches, what an absolute unit

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 14 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Wow poor guy is probably going to get a lot of sympathy cards. Must be awful.

[–] P00ptart@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I can all but guarantee most women run away at the sight of it.

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 days ago

And the ones that don't, he's running from.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 14 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

"Man trips over giant cock and breaks arm" 🤣

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] cannon_annon88@lemmy.today 14 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Jesus. They don't make pants big enough for this guy.

[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Imhotep@lemmy.world 11 points 3 days ago

my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

“I slipped on it, causing me to fall out of the tub completely head first

This makes it sound a bit like he slipped on his peen

Which I found humorous. Because penis.

[–] TheEighthDoctor@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Imagine shitting in a public toilet with such dick, it's either out on the floor or in the toilet water.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] shadowedcross@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Longer than the average forearm, that's crazy. Wonder how girthy it is.

[–] yaroto98@lemmy.world 15 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Look at the photo of him standing. It's visible through his pants, it doesn't look thin.

[–] shadowedcross@sh.itjust.works 14 points 3 days ago (1 children)

True, and it must be flaccid unless he's really into getting his photo taken.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] barnaclebutt@lemmy.world 8 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Totally relatable. Swift recovery Matt. I'm also glad you found your best look at my enormous penis trousers for the news photoshoot.

load more comments
view more: ‹ prev next ›