this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2025
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Not The Onion

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[–] fargeol@lemmy.world 74 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Oh, that explains why they don't drive cars

[–] MrSulu@lemmy.ml 1 points 8 hours ago

Unlike humans, they have the sense not to get behind the wheel whilst inoxicated. Quite a remarkable attribute.

[–] dwemthy@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago

We must figure out what other human laws chimpanzees respect

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 33 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Goddamn they live better than us in every way

[–] PanGodofPanic@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Chimps, not so much. Their society is exceedingly violent and hierarchical. Bonobos (equally close human relative in the other side of the Congo River) on the other hand, they have shit figured out.

Arguably my comment is funnier if you know anything about great apes

[–] BzzBiotch@lemmy.world 28 points 1 week ago

Me too, chimpsan. Me too

[–] Blackfeathr@lemmy.world 22 points 1 week ago

I mean, can you blame them?

Another point on the 'return to monke' scale.

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 11 points 1 week ago

Hell yeah, let's party.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I know we evolved to handle ethanol, but thought it was a recent thing, since the invention of beer. Weird.

Yes, I understand we didn't evolve from chimps.

[–] dantheclamman@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I think the ability to metabolize ethanol with alcohol dehydrogenase is a separate, more recent thing. But a lot of the tree of life gets buzzed in various ways! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Recreational_drug_use_in_animals

[–] Hector@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Ratatoskr the squirrel on the tree of life drank the mead of wisdom.

[–] Adori@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

If these primates have the same ability to drink as humans do, then they must have the same ability to drive a we do.

Yeah, drive each other bananas!

I'll see myself out...

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago

Going to a chimp-only AA meeting really hits different.

[–] ScrollerBall@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] FUCKING_CUNO@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)
[–] Una@piefed.europe.pub 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Based :3 good uncle

[–] Solumbran@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago (2 children)

The difference being that they don't know it's a poison.

[–] Geth@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 week ago

I think a bunch of chimps downvoted you.

[–] Hector@lemmy.world -5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Alcohol is not poison. Methanol is.

[–] dickalan@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Bro ethanol alcohol is absolutely a poison. It’s just not a very good one