It's Ikea so it would have a delightful name like Nögginflogger
this post was submitted on 14 Oct 2025
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Hedkløppa?
Neksknittå?
nah it would be called HUVUDSAKLIG
It's made of compressed sawdust and honeycomb newspaper, with a pleasant plastic veneer that holds everything together. The screws are all very soft and strip out easily, the ones with Philips heads are actually Pozidriv but they never include a Pozidriv driver so those will strip too. The blade is some chickenshit low-end material made from recycled soup cans that bends and flexes all the time, the edge is barely honed.
So we get like what? 3 beheadings before it breaks? Still worth it for a HOA board
If you do get a good model, IKEA will discontinue it.
The newspaper is The Wall Street Journal and all the allegedly recycled content is virgin, just the lowest grade possible.
Swede here, if you want an Ikea worthy name for this, I can see two options.
- Franson - old word to call someone a frenchman, it is also a surname meaning "son of Frans", Frans is a name derived from the Latin name "Franciscus", meaning "frenchman".
- Dalman - the last executioner in Sweden was "Anders Gustaf Dalman", he is also the only Swedish executioner who used a guillotine in an execution.
I would prefer something more like
HEDFÄLLA
A good marketing angle would be to call it "KINDNESS"
Nope, Ikea uses Swedish names.
Vänlighet, then?
That is better, but I don't understand why you want to name an execution method "kindness" or "vänlighet"....
Killing them with kindness is a common english phrase.
Ah, it is a pun, I think a normal name is better though, then you can say something like:
Him? oh, he had a meeting with Franson, there are so many cutbacks these days.
Alright Mr. Trump, Mr. Dalman is here to see you.
For some reason I get the feeling they would call it "FRANSKA"
LOPP
Wait, you mean going outside with a pithy sign on a Saturday isn't enough?
Ask Robespierre how that works out.
4 out of 5 stars. I loved the real pine and I went with the antique finish which really complimented the blood of the nobility. Minus one star, though, as the neck hole was unable to close entirely on some obese (and unusually spray tanned) necks and required adjustment.
Three hundred dollars?! 😩
Maybe we can pool our resources? Everyone, empty their pockets and lets see what we got!
I have $0.89, a paperclip, a receipt for a doughnut and some lint.
I got a crazy idea on how we can get a refund after we build it.
Lint and a train ticket here.
No thanks. Wood chipper is the 21st century model and imagine the show and noise!
the price seems a bit bourgeois
Steel prices are through the roof with tariffs
Surely it could be done with a plastic blade topped by a bit of stone for weight.
Sure, one might have to pull it back up and let it plunge back down a couple of times to finish the job, but that's alright.
The piece of plastic that would work would cost more than the steel. Why not just drop a large rock on their heads. Clearly the guillotine wasn't gruesome enough to serve as a deterrent. Maybe that will be.
then steal the steel
We could take over a home depot. They have everything we need.
Unfortunately, pen pushers and local organizers create and maintain democracy, not executioners.
Even if we root out all of the fascists, if we don't change anything then they will return next year.
Is this the new hedröll fitment?
Anybody got an STL so I can just print one? I'll use wood filament for authenticity.
The blade weighs about 40kg, you'll need some sort of filler
That design does lend itself well for flat-pack. Needs a collapsible basket, though.
Yeah, we'll fix our ((democracy)) by killing all the ((bad people))
It worked in France!
Er... Wait...
Yeah, we'll fix our ((democracy)) by killing all the ~~((bad people))~~ ((Rich people))
FTFY.
Instructions unclear, use of the kit somehow wound up with a military dictatorship and an imperial empire?
That's fine, just replace the words in parentheses with something wholesome until problem solves itself, or everyone is dead