Our cat will follow us around the house, screaming, until we either sit with him in our lap (human heating pad) or put him in his heated bed but remain near (human security blanket). He’s a sweet cat and has arthritis, so I get it. But sometimes we gotta make dinner, bro.

Our dog will constantly and shamelessly be nearby when food is present, whether we are cooking, eating, feeding the cat, doesn’t matter. His previous owner gave him human food all the time. He completely deflates when you tell him to go lie down. When we cook, we just let him be in the way, next to the screaming cat 🤷‍♀️

My wonderful sweet lady dog has been scooping up turds with her mouth like a hungry hippo. One chomp, down the hatch. Although just recently, she was trying to sneak in a frozen one. 🤮

So, this is probably my fault, because I thought it'd be fun to teach my cat, Porkchop, to sit on my shoulder.

I did not teach him that when I'm peeing at 3am without a shirt on, is not the best time for this.

One sneezes in your face, one pisses in the bath, and we're pretty sure the third one has cat autism or some auditory dysfunction as the slightest noise (doorbell, motorbike, house noises) sends him into a panic, which in turn becomes violence. And he's almost 20lbs, which can do a lot of damage when it's launching at you with claws out.

One of our cats has a problem with marking personal items left on the floor, even though she's fixed. We think it's partially because she has bad eyesight and so marks stuff so she always knows where it is. It's usually, but not exclusively, something I or my SO wear or have worn recently:

✔️ My purse
✔️ My jacket. Probably three times
✔️ SO's backpack
✔️ My backpack that was sitting in the closet unused for several months
✔️ Articles of clothing that didn't make it into a laundry basket
✔️ The top of the cat tower when we moved it into the living room (trying to assert dominance I guess)
✔️ Rugs (I dunno under what circumstances, she hasn't marked their replacements. She will re-mark previously marked and washed rugs though)
✔️ Towels that don't get put up

The solution has more or less been to stop keeping anything important on the floor.

The other cat likes to occasionally pull towels onto the floor so he can use them as temporary bedding or snuggle up against them. You can probably guess what sometimes happens after he leaves them there.

My dog goes absolutely apeshit when there is a non-human creature on TV. At first I thought he was just barking at dogs on the TV. Then it was any kind of animal. Then he started identifying and barking at any non-human. I mean like... I couldnt watch Lord of the Rings because he would bark at dwarves, elves, and Orcs. It's fucking insane. And it's not just live action stuff. The animated mucinex blob guy? Bark fest. Bluey the animated dog that walks upright on 2 legs? Bark fest. I used to love watching nature documentaries, and movies with aliens... I can't anymore, because my dog thinks that these creatures teleported into our living room and he needs to alert us to save our lives. And it's not like he would even stand a chance in any kind of face-off with these things. He's a 25lb mini labradoodle. The other day I was watching True Detective and there was a polar bear on the screen and he charged at the TV growling and barking and I'm like "Hey bud... That thing would devour the shit out of you. You would be a tasty little morsel for a polar bear. Know your size"

Sigh...

But I love him. He's the bestest boy.

Well I suddenly feel less annoyed by my dogs... Thanks everyone!

60lb dog loves to stand on my bare foot with her iron claws. And our other dog screams like a banshee when she sees a squirrel or bird through the windows. Doesn't bark. screams

One of our cats has the tendency to start puking once every one or two months, and then pukes liquids 4 times a day for a week straight. Another one likes to cry at random closed doors, loudly and often. I've already jokingly asked our vet if he would be able to cut the vocal cords. But sometimes I really consider it.

Dog #1 loves to lay on the floor. Usually in spots where we regularly pass through, for example in front of the bathroom door or in front of the living room door. It wouldn't be an issue if she is a small dog, but she is a big dog around 40 kilograms.

Dog #2 is usually quiet, nearly mute. Except when Dog #1 is blocking her way by laying on the floor. Then she gets nervous and starts a mixture of barking and whimpering until she can pass through somehow. I've never heard a dog make such weird ass noises as she does.

Dog #2 also likes to lick everything that gets in her reach, hands, arms, faces, shoes, other dogs.

My cat started copying my other cat in that they now both try to eat my human food. The worst part is I'm always worried they will get sick because human food is generally not healthy for cats. So I always need to be cautious when leaving my food unattended.

Damn cats always trying to commit unintentional suicide.

I have a cat like this. But she meows in a very long and drawn out time of whine whenever she wants whatever.

She wants into a room but the door’s closed? Meowwwwww-oooowwwwww-owooowwwww-owwwwwwwwwww

Up and down, up and down, like she’s really putting on a performance.

During Covid when I WFH and I had to talk in a meeting, I reassured them that I was not torturing a small child. I was so embarrassed bc it was a fairly new job, lol

Waking me up at 2am

and 3am

and 4am.

Cats are assholes. Still love her though.

One of my cats likes to eat paint chips. We try to block access to the wall with the chipping paint, but he's too smart for his own good.

I have 2 cats. They:

*Push the small christmas tree off the stand and/or bat ornaments off it

*Jump up on the kitchen counter

*Dig in the trash

*Run over us at full speed while we are sitting or laying on the couch

*Scratch up said couch despite them having various other objects they are allowed to destroy instead

*Jump off the overhang above the front door and land on the laptop keyboard

*Scratch holes in the screen of any window they have access to

*Attack the air conditioner we had set up in the window until it fell indoors and then proceed to jump out the window on to the roof of our shed

*Attack my legs or stand in my way to stop me from walking somewhere if I dont pet them enough

*Lay sideways on the steps going downstairs at night

*Shit on our beds if we forget to shut the door (one of them does, the other uses the cat box instead of being a savage)

My daughter's cat loves to eat hair ties. She also throws up said hair ties every time. She will go to any lengths to find a hair tie to eat, then throw up.

Dog #1, will scratch at the door to come in. But what she really wants is dog 2 to go outside. So when I open the door, she twirls around and barks trying to get the other dog to come play. Dog 2 will then run over and they'll start playing across the threshold preventing me from closing the door. If dog 2 doesn't show up, then dog 1 will run back into the yard, then try again 2 minutes later. I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to get my dogs inside on a daily basis.

Dog #2, does this annoying lip smacking thing in the middle of the night and early in the morning. It is not a pleasant sound to wake up to.

My late grandmother's Bichon/Maltese mix would scream at you while you were eating until you either finished or gave her something. My grandmother insisted that she never fed the dog from the table, despite the fact that she gave the dog her leftovers almost every meal.

Mine has been waking me up at 5AM for years and now he has decided to move to 3:30 AM.

My cat loves to run into the linen closet every time it opens . It's also where my dad's ashes are , so I tell her " no you can't hang out with my dead dad !"

My cat has a spot right next to my bed where she sits and stares at me. She looks like she needs something, that's where she sits to meow when she needs something. But she doesn't. Not relaxing, sitting upright staring right at me. Frequently, for long periods, at any time. When I'm sleeping, on my phone, watching TV, doing anything in bed. She just sits there staring right out of arms reach, and will leave if I try to grab her.

She also licks a lot, too much. Blankets, pillows, me.

My chipoo loves to cuddle, but he is also hella boney and picks the most awkward way to sit on or next to me that his elbows jab into me painfully. And he has a knack for waiting around nearby and not getting on you until you're about to get up. He's also extremely picky about his food.

My husky's only annoying habit (other than typical husky behavior at inappropriate times) is that instead of poking the bell to signal she needs to potty, she sometimes pokes me. Having a cold dog nose poking your perneum wake you in the morning isn't fun.

I'm not a pet owner anymore, unfortunately, but I have a few to share.

My first dog was able to recognize the sound of my father's car from the street, and would make sure that everyone in the entire building knew that she recognised the sound. She would bark from the moment the car appeared on the street, until my father was at home. We eventually managed to convince her to bark a little less, but even then, she would still bark a few times. Problem is, my father would frequently come back from work late at night!

My second dog loved to jump. Like, seriously, he was the world champion of jumping. He didn't know how to run, he trotted and jumped to gain speed. When somebody entered our home, he would come to them and jump around them. A lot. Sometimes we were forced to put him in another room and close the door so that he wouldn't greet our guests. He was very dumb. A very playful fella, though.

Our dog has this thing where he has to be under the covers when we go to bed so at random times during the night he’ll just start digging at the top of the comforter to get under it.

One of ours will leap up and run across the bed when she gets zoomies. Even if I'm already in it. I collected another nice set of scratches from her claws this week. They never heal clean, either. I'm always left with scars that take a couple of years to fade.

My dog will throw his toys and play with them on his own, which is great and super cute. But he will toss a ball under the couch or coffee table where he can't reach it, then start whining incessantly at me to go retrieve it, even if I am working and on a video call.

My one cat actually whines. When she has to get up from when she's comfortable, when she has to move, when I need to pick her up and physically place her somewhere, etc.

Like an actual child, when in cat terms, she's a damn grown woman haha!

Well, one of my dogs chews at the butt so dang loud and hard that I swear they get a cardio workout as a result. This dog also has a cat like behavior of seemingly wanting both in and out from the patio. She will spend a grand total of 2 min outside and want back in only to want back out a few min later. She also has gotten sassier with age. Love her stupid stinking face. Totally not petter her right now or anything.

My dog will 100% of the time eat my other dog's poop in the backyard and occasionally throws it up inside the house if we miss picking it up...defeats the convenience of having a backyard for them to do their business.

Our youngest shiba inu waking me up to pee in the middle of the night, but I remind myself that I too have to get up to pee sometimes, and even though she's the youngest, she's more than 9 years old, so I suppose...

I can't stand cats that meow a lot. My heart goes out to you, OP.

Cat #1: Likes to lounge in the stairs, being a trip hazard. She's also destroyed the faux leather dining chairs despite having a perfectly fine scratching post.

Cat #2: Likes to sleep on top of folded clothes, covering them with cat hair. She's also an accessory to the chair murder mentioned above.