pleasebedeadpleasebedead

If I didn't call or show up a few times to my job I'd be fired. Different rules.

So a Supreme Court justice can work remotely, but federal employees must be in an office.

Wait, did he take the deal that John Oliver proposed?

Don't mind me I'm just going to head out and pick up some party supplies just in case

He's waiting for the check to clear.

Maybe he's fucking dead

Edit: fuck.

I thought it said “Clarence Thomas missing eyebrows” and honestly that would make his face look as soulless as his soul is

Fingers crossed for the best outcome!

His flight from Moscow was delayed.

I hope his RV didn’t roll over him while he was trying to load up his 9 foot long blackstone

So the dude is literally phoning it in?

When reached for comment Chief Justice Roberts relayed the events that occurred that morning leading to Justice Thomas's unplanned absence. "I called him up and said, dude, you're on the schedule to work this morning. Where the hell are you? And he said 'bro, I'm like totally hung over. I was partying with these insurrectionists last night at a rooftop rave rolling my balls off. Babe, can you hand me that water bottle? No, that wasn't talking you Bob. Can you, like, call Ruth to cover?' And I'm like 'Hey asshole, I'm tired of covering your damn shifts. Ruth doesn't work here anymore, and you know that. Get your ass in here or I'm marking you as 'unexcused absence'. And he's like 'no can do, bro. I'm Audi 5000 today, see ya!' and then he totally hung up! I swear, I don't even think he wants this job anymore. I wish he'd fuckin' quit already."

Wow, I never knew such drama exists so high in our third brand government. Is this what the framers intended?

The most annoying part of this is that even if he quits wasting our oxygen, it's "too close to the election" for the Senate to do their jobs and confirm the replacement.

Frantically searching for News reports of tragic motorhome accidents.

Presumably the Yacht had engine trouble and he and Crowe are on an island with Ginger, Maryanne, and the captain.

Time for “Weekend at Thomas’”

Probably on some billionaires private island sipping margaritas. Nothing to worry about.

Really hoping he calls in for oral arguments tomorrow and its really a morning radio prank show.

Hopefully he just doesn't ever come back

Justice Long Dong Silver was too busy in Mitch McConnell's sex dungeon and missed his private flight?

This is the best summary I could come up with:

"Context that may or may not be helpful: In the recent past, Justice Thomas phoned into oral arguments when he couldn't attend in person, allowing him to ask questions remotely.

His time on the Court has drawn plenty of ridicule, notably in recent years following an April 2023 report by ProPublica that found that he had accepted luxury trips almost annually for more than two decades as the beneficiary of Dallas businessman and Republican mega-donor Harlan Crow and never disclosed them.

Last October, the Democrat-led Senate Judiciary Committee moved to subpoena Crow and other donors, calling it part of a wide-ranging ethics crisis.

Crow told Newsweek via email at the time that any such subpoena would be "nothing more than a stunt aimed at undermining Justice Thomas, but his office would "remain committed to respectful cooperation and a fair resolution."

Thomas received more grief last month after participating in the Supreme Court's decision to put presumptive Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump back on primary ballots in multiple states after he was removed in accordance to Section 3 of the Constitution, which bars former officeholders who "engaged in insurrection" from holding office again.

The justice was encouraged by many to recuse himself based on the ruling and ties with his own wife, whose actions surrounding the last presidential election have been put in the spotlight.

The original article contains 515 words, the summary contains 224 words. Saved 57%. I'm a bot and I'm open source!

Anyone have his address? We should send him cards.