To answer the questions of archeologists, obviously

why would future humans bother bringing all these people back

i think it's worth reminding why doctors treat people now, in this time and space. they do it mostly because they want to save people. maybe a few do it for money, but past a certain point, the money isn't why you do it. i think it's a safe bet that doctors of a future would see these corpses as patients, and act accordingly. an analogy - think how we see heart attack victims as patients, and not how our medieval ancestors would have seen them (as corpses)

...literally nothing positive to contribute to the utopian future...

true, but, a good chunk of patients in hopsital today have nothing to contribute to society, and cannot contribute any more, whatsoever. we treat them anyway, because that's what we do. humans have consistently cared for others that are sick and have "nothing to contribute" throughout history, and that shows no sign of going away anytime soon

Lmao, remember that revived 80's douchbag business man on star trek TNG?

Medical research from before whatever plague or virus infects everybody.

Don’t they have problems today studying effects of microplastics because they can’t find a control group of humans who don’t have microplastics in them?

Though that’s a pretty grim future for the rich frozen elite.

Ever read Transmetropolitan? It has a whole sub-arc on just the absolute lack of concern that a future society would have for this resurrection obligation/burden imposed on them.

we'd do it cause it'd be funny even if they weren't tortured or nothing. can you imagine a little asshole running around the utopia being like "no, no, I'm supposed to own things, where are my stocks, where are my numbers, no!". probably it'd suck that all their friends are deade though. I'm sure you thaw a couple cause the have rare diseases or certain kinds of DNA though.

But why the fuck would future humans bother bringing all these people back, even if they could?

Because they don't have rights, so no one will care when we upload their brains into street sweeping robots. If you're lucky, you'll get uploaded into an interstellar probe.

That's because you're thinking in term of a society that views most people as a burdensome and undesirable liability. Something we wish we could get rid of faster if possible. It might be tgat in the future, human minds aren't as poisoned by clubofrome population omb neoliberal billionaire thinking.

Soon as those hurdles are surmounted, armies will train then freeze conscripts. Only thawing when they need meat for the grinder, or when better weapons come out that need more training.

That's the only way they get brought back en masse.

Disney will soon announce the new movie Soup in an attempt to take over the top search results of “Disney Soup”.

Gisnep

Is this a thing I'm not aware of, or just a very strange typo?

Humans are particularly difficult to preserve because of the delicate structure in (most of) our heads.

Nonsense. We are just too big to be frozen quickly enough that no ice crystals emerge. Every living thing turns to slush if frozen normally.

That was a (pardon the pun) cool read, if a bit morbid.

Nelson and the mortician then spent the entire night figuring out how to jam four people — who may or may not have suffered thaw damage — into the capsule. The arrangement of bodies in different orientations was described as a “puzzle.” After finding an arrangement that worked, the resealed capsule was lowered into an underground vault at the cemetery. Nelson claimed to have refilled it sporadically for about a year before he stopped receiving money from the relatives. After a while, he let the bodies thaw out inside the capsule and left the whole thing festering in his vault.

Grooooooooosssssss

Someone else from the old internet. I remember the post you speak of.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs taking a bath?

How about being ground up into powder and put into medicine? I'm sure they'd love that one.

One of the more interesting aspects of history is the progression from the notion of a very limited and inaccessible resurrection of a body to the idea of a very accessible resurrection of the spirit/mind.

The latter is IMO probably best embodied (pun intended) in one of the early Christian apocrypha from a group that was known for rejecting the canonical focus on a physical resurrection of a body:

Whoever drinks from my mouth will become like me; I myself shall become that person, and the hidden things will be revealed to him.

• Gospel of Thomas saying 108

It's such a wild march of progress from kings trying to preserve their bodies to a tradition rejecting the Eucharist of consumption of a body in favor of a Eucharistic consumption of words and ideas to resurrect the essence of the individual.

And looking back from an age where we are literally seeing patents granted to trillion dollar companies around resurrecting the dead digitally, the "resurrection of words and ideas" crowd was more on to a practical tract of thinking than the "resurrect my goop" crowd.

In fact, the Egyptians when embalming themselves discarded their brains thinking it was garbage filling of the skull. Not exactly the best strategy in hindsight.

Everybody's insane rich people just have the ability to act on it.

Thanks for this. Quite gruesome, but not at all unexpected. I remember having a conversation with a friend of mine a while back, where I made the argument that water expands when frozen and, since humans are mostly water, freezing a human would crack every vital organ. I'm actually upset to discover I was right.