this post was submitted on 28 May 2024
600 points (95.7% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

32939 readers
4092 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
all 39 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] FancyPantsFIRE@lemm.ee 64 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Jokes on them, we used IVF, they got picked for who knows what reason under a microscope.

From your most photogenic swimmer.

[–] Paradachshund@lemmy.today 24 points 1 year ago

"Damn, look at the tail on that one!"

[–] jol@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Even in the old school way, this postcard is incorrect. The winner is rarely the fastest swimmer, as several sperm arrive at the egg before a single one is allowed inside.

[–] samus12345@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Yeah, the egg decides who gets let in. "Happy Father's Day from your most attractive (to Mom's egg) swimmer"

Just saying, approximately 10% of IVF babies don't have the genetics they think they do...

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 48 points 1 year ago

For the cheap and lazy.

[–] Coasting0942@reddthat.com 29 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Not an expert but I don’t think it’s as simple as “fastest swimmer”.

[–] aeki@slrpnk.net 22 points 1 year ago (2 children)

And people forget that we're also the egg.

[–] RecluseRamble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The egg is actually the major part of it (mitochondria?)

[–] aeki@slrpnk.net 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yes, the mitochondria and all the other organelles. We're mostly egg.

[–] far_university1990@feddit.de 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

We support you until you ready to crack shell and come out

[–] RIPandTERROR@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 year ago

🏳️‍⚧️

[–] Lifebandit666@feddit.uk 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

No no, people don't forget the egg, it's just that the egg is just a bloody smear without the magic serum.

[–] uzay@infosec.pub 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And the serum is just a stain in your sock without the magic egg.

[–] Lifebandit666@feddit.uk 6 points 1 year ago

Exactly, it's when the magic happens that it matters. Otherwise it's smears all around

[–] variants@possumpat.io 11 points 1 year ago

The one that happened to show up when the mob made an opening*

[–] driving_crooner@lemmy.eco.br 3 points 1 year ago

Thr ovulo selects the sperm and open the door for it.

[–] MindTraveller@lemmy.ca 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Actually, the fastest swimmer bangs his head on the egg's shell and gets none.

[–] Meron35@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

Second sperm gets the yolk

[–] paddirn@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

"You came for me, Dad."

[–] blanketswithsmallpox@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

FLazy: Father's Day/Date Sun, Jun 16, 2024 for the USA.

You've still got like 2 weeks for the people who care.

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Seriously, why did OP post this two weeks ahead of time

[–] robotica@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Because outside of the US, Father's day is in 4 days :)

In Germany father's day was 3 weeks ago. But it's actually a Christian holiday and people came to call it father's day because we don't have an official one and wanted a day for drinking.

All people drink on father's day though and we also drink on other days but that's what we have now.

[–] brbposting@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Poster-sized prints take a while.

Just kidding, the idea of sending this to one’s own father is rather repulsive. Guess some of y’all are weirdos though and that’s cool :)

[–] nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 1 year ago

These are the kinds of cards my wife might have given me before my son was old enough to pick one out for me.

[–] balderdash9@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 year ago

Yeah, my dad would disown me again if I sent him this

[–] ParabolicMotion@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (3 children)

It’s a real joke of a card when you’re forced to hand it off to the man you’ve been told to call “dad” throughout life, knowing good and well he did NOT make any part of you.

[–] emptiestplace@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Why did you write this here?

[–] ParabolicMotion@lemmy.world -5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Why did you bother reading it here?

[–] emptiestplace@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 year ago

It was no trouble.

[–] Lifebandit666@feddit.uk 3 points 1 year ago

Oh I feel this comment, after watching my Wife's mother do the same thing to her all her life.

"Say hi to your new Dad!"

[–] samus12345@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Your dad doesn't have to be biologically related to you to be your dad. Hell, plenty of ones that are aren't dads in any other sense. What matters if he was a good or shitty dad, not biology.

[–] ParabolicMotion@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The card is about BIOLOGICAL fathers. If your dad’s gametes didn’t make you, then you might want to choose a different card.

[–] samus12345@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Yeah, that too.

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah my mom was my dad for all but the first 3 years. My dad decided early he wanted another setup, so took off and got one. So somewhere out there i have a half brother and sister and all their resultant kin. We dont communicate

[–] samus12345@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Thought you were saying your mom was trans at first.

[–] asteriskeverything@lemmy.world -2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Read this a fascist swimmer and imo that is a much funnier card I'd wanna buy.