[-] IDontHavePantsOn@lemm.ee 14 points 8 months ago

Autocorrect shall decide the Victor.

[-] IDontHavePantsOn@lemm.ee 13 points 8 months ago

Next is that pesky porn problem that makes up most of the traffic.

[-] IDontHavePantsOn@lemm.ee 13 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

"So anyway, we raised the prices by 300% due to... uh...suh.. supply chain issues! Somehow our shoplifting losses also went up 300%! So we decided to put an armed guard in every isle and check out starting in 2024."

"Luckily our profits also went up 300%! In celebration, we are holding a pizza party for all full time employees on December 25th at 6:00 am in Antarctica. We suggest car pooling to combat climate change! Choice of 1 slice of cheese, or no cheese pizza. If anyone can't make it then we will be live streaming the event to our corporate intranet. Just head into work and you can all relax in the managers office to watch the full event. The pizza will be so good, even looking at it will be satisfying! And hey, if you're already watching the event, why not pick up an extra shift? We're just so proud of our workers here at literally every corporation."

[-] IDontHavePantsOn@lemm.ee 13 points 11 months ago

They had that softness that made them feel harmless, but their weight was unmistakably dangerous.

[-] IDontHavePantsOn@lemm.ee 13 points 11 months ago

Im fairly certain that what I'm about to say will be disliked by ketamine users and abstainers.

Ketamine is garbage at everything besides temporarily lobotomizing people. It works for it's many uses because it makes the user stupid. It's often given to suicidal people, not because it's a miracle drug, but because it incapacitates them in a safe manner.

That said, it's great at making people too stupid to be able to hurt themselves, most of the time. It's great at numbing psychological pain because the user will be too stupid to conceptualize their own thoughts or realize where they are physically.

It's also hard on the urinary system and has a fleeting high.

If you like ketamine then by all means, you do you. If you may be interested in trying ketamine, become a zombie safely, just don't expect it to cure your depression, woes, or any of your other problems.

[-] IDontHavePantsOn@lemm.ee 13 points 11 months ago

Let's take a step back from this pointless argument. Shrink rates have been between 1-2% for arguably forever. Retailers currently are aghast that their shrink losses went from $90 billion to $120 billion! Yikes! That sounds like a big increase!

Yet, that shrink percentage has not significantly increased. It's been around 1.5% for a few years now. Doesn't that make you wonder though? If the percentage of shrink loss isn't increasing, how are the losses increasing 33%? And even more perplexing is, how are these companies posting record profits? Quarter after quarter their profits are increasing as much as 6% even with these record breaking shrinkage losses.

It's almost as if they have taken advantage of the publics attention of COVID era inflation, and price gouged the retail market. It's like they priced their products 33% higher than they were, in order to make record profits, and those higher prices can easily be conflated into record shrinkage losses.

Weird. I'm sure that can't be what's happening though. My always friendly Walmart has always been set on giving me the cheapest prices possible. They couldn't be trying to change the narrative to make it seem like customers are thieves. They love their customers, and would never patronize them for something as greedily evil as a drop in their revenue bucket.

[-] IDontHavePantsOn@lemm.ee 14 points 1 year ago

While other commenters are correct about the marketing in some aspects. As a parent of teenagers I will say if they don't have an iPhone they will be mocked relentlessly. The whole bubble color thing is real. They think androids are for poor people even though androids have a much larger range of price. This isn't a "my kids" thing. This is a "everyone in school thinks" thing.

God help me when they get their next upgrade and suddenly my chargers start going missing because "someone stole" theirs...

[-] IDontHavePantsOn@lemm.ee 13 points 1 year ago

Leaving the box open is akin to murder in my home. You want hot fresh pizza? So do I. Don't leave the box open.

[-] IDontHavePantsOn@lemm.ee 14 points 1 year ago

Luxury car makers will have a harder time justifying a high price tag when an electric Kia will match their 0-60.

Mark my words, cars will be the next common planned obselesence product. As soon as the battery doesn't take a charge people will junk it and buy another just like the phone market.

[-] IDontHavePantsOn@lemm.ee 12 points 1 year ago

I was fired in June for a mixed non-descript bag of reasons from my previous employer of 8 years. The reasons they told me were not what they told the DOL. They told the DOL that I was fired for attendance issues, which is weird since I hadn't been absent since March, and the company's on-site nurse told me not to come to work. I used 2.5 days of my yearly allowable 6 days of sick time within 6 months. They also told them I falsified records.

What's really weird is that it happened to coincide with my complaint of workplace harassment by a former boss.

The worst part was they lied to the DOL and told them I admitted to falsifying records. Little did they know, I recorded audio of my HR meeting so I could prove that I didn't admit to falsifying records.

Anyways, after months of fighting for unemployment benefits (they didn't even give me a severance), I won my appeal hearing. My previous employer didn't even give the DOL an in service phone number, so they didn't even attend the hearing.

They really were banking on me not trying to fight them. After months of me sounding like an insane person to everyone I talked about it to, I finally got vindication.

And before you think this must be some small operating business where my boss just didn't want to show up to lose, this is a large publicly traded company with thousands of employees and is an industry leader in the field. The site I worked for was a drop in their revenue bucket with a mere 70 million in net revenue.

I may be jobless right now, with 5 kids, a mortgage, and had my name dragged through the mud, but I'm so fucking proud of myself for sticking up for myself and proving that I was fucking right the entire time.

They still haven't been able to fill my position, have had more people quit and are in dire straights according to an inside source.

Oh and the kicker? Turns out the last woman they fired complained about the same person, but they gave her a giant severance package even though she was only employed with them less than a year.

Can't wait to see that place bleed itself to death.

[-] IDontHavePantsOn@lemm.ee 13 points 1 year ago

It's not that they're afraid, it's the inquisition...

[-] IDontHavePantsOn@lemm.ee 14 points 1 year ago

Well I do have around 200 pictures of my butthole, and if I was held for ransom where those pictures were emailed to either of my grandfathers then I would pay a tidy sum to prevent it. Grandma, mom, dad, step-niece, I don't care. But if my grandfather might see my butthole, I would happily pay $40m to keep him from seeing my bare back butthole and balls. I don't want you all to get the wrong idea, I love Gramps, but he has seen enough of my butthole, and I want to stay in his will.

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IDontHavePantsOn

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