I guess most of us deal with this at some point:
The thought occurred to me, I want to take self-defense classes. So I'm thinking, well those may be segregated by gender, so I'll just join the men's group to avoid making a scene, stirring up tensions. Even though my body, mannerisms, clothing, is indicative of a woman. I don't pass all the time, but I'm getting much closer.
But I was willing to be casually misgendered, to be othered, to accept less than what I'm fighting for every day (recognition, equality), so other people wouldn't feel uncomfortable.
How is that OK?
I feel like it's a common issue for all minorities. Stay out of the way, try to fit in, deny your identity, settle for less. You'll be safe, you'll survive. For what?
Is this the reality I'm risking everything for?
When I vacationed with my partner, I deliberately chose porta-potties and unisex bathrooms. Nobody told me too, I wasn't forced. But what if a "Karen" blew up at me and caused a scene in the women's bathroom? It could ruin my whole day, it could put me in danger...
When do I stop settling for less than my true identity, when do I stop giving in to internalized transphobia?
When do we stop deferring to the hypothetical concerns of other people, and assert our own rights and concerns?
It's funny because transphobes like to portray us all as radical activists who enjoy making scenes and partake in unhinged rants over pronouns or some shit.
Yet every trans person I have ever met is gentle, often frightened as hell, and goes out of their way to avoid triggering the phobes or causing a scene -- even at the expense of intense dysphoria, self-misgendering, accepting discrimination
Mostly? We want to be invisible, ignored, free to live in peace.
I don't want to be the trans woman among men, or the trans woman among women. I simply want to be a woman. Not othered, not segregated, not pitied, not patronized, not accommodated.
I can't control what other people think, but I can control my own thoughts and actions. Maybe we can't achieve equality until we think and act like equals, and refuse to accept anything less.
Rural America is mostly a wasteland. It's either where people of means deliberately choose to live away from society, or it's people who are too ignorant, poor and/or drug-addled to have much choice. Neither group is going to be left-leaning... and that's why when you look at electoral maps, you see all that red.
Pick a highway, any will do, travel along it and tell me what you see. I already know. One little failed town after another. They might have a dive bar or ancient gas station, but most commercial buildings will be long abandoned. If you need anything, you'll have to find a decent city with a generic walmart, dollar general, mcdonalds, etc. Long gone are the mom-and-pop grocers, general stores, etc.
The irony is these are solid red Republican districts. Cities have major problems too, but they are full of action; plans, projects, hopes of a better future. There is no future for the average rural American.
They are frustrated and angry, as well they should be. Too bad they can't see the forest through the trees.