this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2023
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[–] 4lan@lemmy.world 230 points 2 years ago (12 children)

Jesus was a socialist. Maybe they should switch religions

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 162 points 2 years ago (5 children)

Also, he wasn't white. Which I know really offends their sensibilities.

Jewish too.

[–] utopianfiat@lemmy.world 91 points 2 years ago

The Nazis came up with this concept of "German Christianity" or "Positive Christianity" that essentially took Christianity and emphasized its differences from Judaism, while downplaying Jesus as the messiah and elevating the Führer as the herald of a new covenant. I know we're all joking here but this kind of thing has been done before, over, and over, and over.

[–] ArchmageAzor@lemmy.world 76 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Next you'll tell me he didn't speak American.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 54 points 2 years ago (2 children)

He's also never even watched the Superbowl.

[–] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 15 points 2 years ago

And he didn't like that kid's Facebook post and now they're dead!

[–] athos77@kbin.social 8 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Or waved the American flag!! He's never even carried a gun!

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Or misquoted the bible to prove a point, can you believe it!??

[–] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Biblical Jesus misquoted the OT multiple times, the kinds of misquotes an Aramaic speaking Jewish rabbi would not have made. And only referenced parts of the OT that were translated into a popular Greek translation of a subset of the what is now the Hebrew Bible.

Almost as if he didn't exist at all.

[–] TopShelfVanilla@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 years ago

I'll bet he didn't even speak in red letters.

[–] WashedOver@lemmy.ca 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

But American Jeebus is so Kick Ass. He carries a machine gun and shoots immigrants like Rambo without the Vietnamese love interest, but let's be honest that's OK too? /s

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] CurlyMoustache@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago
[–] athos77@kbin.social 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

And he spent his personal time hanging with twelve of his favorite homies.

[–] Qualanqui@lemmy.nz 11 points 2 years ago

See and this is how I know it's all bullshit, what man in his mid to late thirties still has twelve friends? I've never even had twelve friends at the same time before.

[–] barsoap@lemm.ee -3 points 2 years ago

Oh what a fucking Seppo-brained take. Best idea of what he looked like we have is that he looked like your average Palestinian (no shit Sherlock), that is, pretty much the same as half a gazillion people from the Mediterranean over Iran to fucking India.

[–] pjhenry1216@kbin.social 92 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Yeah, it's kind of ridiculous when you consider how at odds Jesus is with most of what capitalism entails. He didn't stutter when he said it's impossible for a wealthy person to get into heaven. He was unambiguously against accumulated wealth. His belief was that if you had resources to help people, you had an obligation to do so. If you kept wealth, then you were failing that obligation.

Granted, I'm an atheist, but I'm tired of the right wing Christianity in the US. Any person who actually followed Christianity, and didn't just use it as an excuse to support their hatred and biases, would undoubtedly vote against Republicans, abortion rights notwithstanding.

[–] bluGill@kbin.social 4 points 2 years ago (7 children)

Jesus never said it was impossible for a rich person to get into heaven. He said that it was unlikely, but not impossible.

[–] kescusay@lemmy.world 41 points 2 years ago (6 children)

I mean, I guess you could get that camel through the eye of a needle by liquefying it first. Maybe the same step could be taken to get Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Mark Zuckerberg into heaven.

[–] Mostly_Harmless@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago (1 children)

The people on the Titan sub really gamed the system!

[–] fadingembers@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 years ago

Holy shit lmao

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[–] Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 19 points 2 years ago (2 children)

In Matthew 19:24, Jesus tells His listeners, "Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”

(Copied from the Internet)

While not impossible, we haven't made any micro camels yet.

[–] Mostly_Harmless@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

Its a true statement because camels and needles exist while heaven doesn't

[–] Buelldozer@lemmy.today 0 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Matthew 19:24

You don't need a micro camel. Cite the next 2 versus.

[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 7 points 2 years ago (1 children)

“Truly, I say to you, tonly with difficulty will a rich person enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 uAgain I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter vthe kingdom of God.” 25 When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished, saying, “Who then can be saved?” 26 But Jesus wlooked at them and said, x“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” 27 Then Peter said in reply, “See, we have left everything and followed you. What then will we have?” 28 Jesus said to them, “Truly, I say to you, in the new world,2 when the Son of Man will sit on his glorious throne, you who have followed me awill also sit on twelve thrones, bjudging the twelve tribes of Israel. 29 cAnd everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold3 and will dinherit eternal life. 30 But emany who are ffirst will be last, and the last first."

Sorry about all the numbered citations, and random letters. Too hard to edit that out on mobile lol

Still sounds like they need to give everything up and then they'll be rewarded.

[–] bluGill@kbin.social 1 points 2 years ago (1 children)

No it doesn't. It says that if you give everything up you will be rewarded, but it doesn't follow that you have to give everything up. Actually most would argue that giving everything up only works if you then follow Jesus.

Verse 26 is key here: "with God all things are possible." Most Christians will agree that there are many different ways to a reward. Some will put more limits on the number than others, but none suggest that the only way is to sell all. We see plenty of people in the bible who clearly didn't sell all and seem to be saved. Some of them even seem to be rich.

[–] anonionfinelyminced@kbin.social 11 points 2 years ago

If money is your god, then no-one else can be.

[–] RagingHungryPanda@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Like a camel going through the eye of a needle, but he never said we couldn't make a bigger needle!

[–] TWeaK@lemm.ee 4 points 2 years ago

But like, what if the camel was really, really fat, and we name this small valley "the eye of the needle"?

[–] pjhenry1216@kbin.social 11 points 2 years ago

It's unlikely because again, Jesus believed you should use your resources to help. If you do not, you are not fulfilling your obligations. So it's certainly difficult as you need to be spending your wealth on helping, not creating more wealth. Jesus did not believe that you should ignore and refuse to help those in need. This is what a wealthy person implicitly does if they don't actively use their resources when possible.

So yeah, it's insanely difficult. Easier for a camel to fit through a needle.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Go ahead, thread that camel into a needle. He didn’t say it was possible, he just said it was harder than something impossible

[–] lobut@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I remember some modern evangelicals saying that the needle is a location or something and that we're all misinterpreting it. I think these were the ones trying to espouse the prosperity gospel BS, of course.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

Yeah and it’s bullshit made up in the modern era completely not backed up by any archaeological or historical evidence

[–] feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world 0 points 2 years ago

rope through the eye of a needle

[–] negativeyoda@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

"Easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle"

Then prosperity gospel dipshits made up some stupid shit about a particularly narrow gate in Jerusalem called "the eye of the needle" which must have been what Jesus was talking about

[–] DigitalTraveler42@lemmy.world 15 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

They would probably love Islam if they could get past the whole "brown people worship this religion" thing, Islam really seems far more their type than Christianity.

Coming soon to the Southern portion of the US, Vanilla ISIS!

[–] PRUSSIA_x86@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

I've seen genuine support in Appalachia for the Taliban on certain things. Given the economic situation, it may not be long before they have nothing left but their God and their guns.

[–] Rozauhtuno@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 2 years ago

It wouldn't change a thing, they adapt their religion to their views, not the other way around. Religion is just the excuse they use to tell themselves they're the good guys.

[–] lasagna@programming.dev 8 points 2 years ago

The same people who don't even know the difference between socialism and communism? No place for reason here.

[–] starlinguk@kbin.social 4 points 2 years ago

Since they're basically following Paul and John, why not change the name of their religion. (Paul is the prude, John the antisemite and general asshat).

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