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this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2024
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I do not buy it, but if it is true, that poor baby was going to die from neglect and soon even if it didn't happen then.
When my daughter was a baby, I was constantly checking on her while we were driving (at stoplights, don't get all het up) and I was very aware when she was in the car with me.
Some people should not be allowed to be parents.
There’s actually a great article on this. Warning, it’s a TOUGH read.
Archive link
It’s a shockingly common occurrence and actually not due to neglect a lot of the time. The article posits that a large reason is because car seats were mandated to be moved to the back seat.
It's such a painful thing, and the scary truth is that it can happen to anyone.
I'm sure we've all experienced instances of this, in some smaller and insignificant way.
You take a packed lunch to work. Every day for five years you've taken a lunch to work, without fail. Its part of your routine, you don't even have to think about it. Get your wallet, get your keys, lunch out the fridge and into your bag, out the door.
Then one day you open your bag at lunch-time, and it's not there. Why isn't it there, you think? You remember putting it there like always, but then the memories of different days are all the same as each other, and it just blurs into one.
And then you remember. Just as you picked up your wallet and keys, your phone rang. And it's your Dad, who says he just had someone call to say he needs to transfer money to keep it safe, and you're telling him no no no Dad it's just a scam, don't transfer anything! And you have to go or you'll miss the bus, and did I get my lunch, yes yes I put it in my bag like always.
But you didn't put it in your bag. Its still sitting in the fridge at home.
And obviously a lunch is not a baby. But the principle is the same. That frightening realisation that your own brain didn't merely forget, but actually lied to you about what really happened that morning is the same.
And it could have been a baby instead.
Scary.
You're article is paywalled, including the web archive link
Hmm works for me. Try this one!
It’s a Pulitzer Prize-winning article that I think everyone should read on the topic.
Ouch. I typically agree with all the comments you make around Lemmy.
But this one hurts.
I can be as wrong as anyone else.
Edit: Which apparently is a bad thing to admit?
Everyone come and see how good of a parent I am!
Is that really what you think this is about? I mean I said something that was wrong, but do you really think that's why I said it?
You seem like a jerk who likes to talk down to others.
Because I thought this was the case of a neglectful parent?
No because I see you all over lemmy being a jerk and talking down to people lol
Can you please give me a couple of examples?
My guy I've seen you goad people into arguments on subs you moderate and then you mute/ban them for something silly (multiple times)
Idk if you're lying to yourself about your conduct or what but no I am not going to spend any time combing through your post history to provide you proof.
Again, can you please give a couple of examples?
Also, it seems like you're the one trying to goad me into an argument here.
Negative ghost rider and I'll prove it by no longer responding so there is nothing to argue about. Have a good one!
It only needs to happen once. One bad day. One day when the brain isn't operating at full capacity, but absolutely has to. One day out of a couple of thousand at a deeply critical time. And something gives.
Are you the sort of person who falls asleep in front of the TV? There are millions of people like that. There might even be a billion. Sure, some will think "I'll just close my eyes a sec", but there are others who don't make a conscious choice about anything and find themselves waking up, unaware of when they fell asleep.
Forgetting something - even a baby - is a lapse like that. That's all it is. Just one tiny little lapse. We are not 100% in control of what goes on in our own heads.
"It won't happen to me" / "It couldn't possibly have happened to me." is the height of hubris.
As for making decisions like "Some people should not be allowed to be parents.", who's doing the allowing there? Because that's a horribly slippery slope. And frankly if Darwinism hasn't got it out of the gene pool at this point, it might well be all of us with the same fatal flaw... which I think is the point I was making earlier.
Not everyone handles sleep deprivation the same. Not every baby sleeps the same amount or at regular intervals. Some babies just never seem to sleep or have weird needs that require exhausting accommodations. It's terrible, but new babies are so vulnerable and there are so many chances for failure at the same time parents are at their most compromised. I have sympathy for the stupid, addled, forgetful mistakes anyone could make under constant, chronic exhaustion.
We were never meant to do it alone, the nuclear family is a myth.
Seems like an insane reach to say if this baby didn't die from that incident, they'd die from another neglect related issue.
Personally, I have a hard time judging parents in this position and I can't say I'm a fan of them being charged. All the system cares about is the illusion of justice served in the form of traumatic retribution via prison.
I'm in the same boat as you. I was more understanding before I had a child. I thought, you can forget your phone, autopilot, all other excuses. But after having two, there's no fucking way I'd ever forget them. They're always on my mind and the first thing I think of whenever I'm doing anything. I check on my children while driving too
Edit: I understand how easy it is to get into autopilot, and having understood that I do everything I can to change my routine. We take different routes, we stop and do something on the way, etc. But I realize that I'm speaking from a place of privilege where I can do these things and not everyone can. I recognize that it can happen to me, and I pray it doesn't. I truly am sorry for this families loss. No one should ever outlive their child.
Looks like a bunch of people (I'm guessing non-parents) disagree.
The whole idea of forgetting a baby is in the car is insane. Like I said, even if it is true, this person is not fit to take care of a baby and that baby had a good chance of dying some other way.
I am a parent and disagree. Surprised myself at least twice by arriving at work and seeing her still in the seat while grabbing the sun shade. Could have sworn that she had been dropped off both times.
People aren't perfect, and something being important doesn't mean people suddenly become perfect. The fact that it is as rare as it is now is a sign that people take it seriously, but people make mistakes no matter how important the thing is.
Not insane at all. Child seats should be rear facing for quite a while and if the kid is asleep, they are not making any sounds. A big deviation from your routine can seriously fuck up remembering basic things. I personally have a mirror strapped to the rear headrest to avoid anything like that since I can see her every time I check my rear view mirror. But I've had people warn me how dangerous those are because it is an extra thing to break off in an accident. I'd rather take that risk than accidentally leave my child in a hot car.
From the Pulitzer article (please read it):
You posted the article after I posed the above comment. I have read it.
Edit: to the downvoters: should I have not read it? Because I get you downvoting the previous comments but I'm not sure what your problem is with this one.
Yes, again, I read it. You showed I was wrong. I'm not sure what you or anyone else wants from me.
Just came along. Presumably most people read your 1st comment (which is horrifyingly unempathethic, TBH) and didn't really follow the rest of the discussion
Maybe, but people even seem to be unhappy with me admitting I'm wrong in multiple replies. Like the one you responded to.
Like I said, I don't know what they want from me. I can't unwrite the post. I don't have a time machine.
It's actually pretty vague, since only one of your comments seem to actually acknowledge you having read the article, and none of your comments indicate it changed your opinion (one about you having the capability to be wrong, but I can't tell whether you're saying you were wrong in this case, or just a general rhetorical device).
I'm not judging you here, I'm pointing out there might be a huge disconnect between what you think you've said and what's actually coming across that would explain the reception you're getting.
I'm not sure how I'm coming across as anything but just sincerely admitting I'm wrong here:
I didn't put that edit up until multiple downvotes already were given there.
People don't like it when I'm wrong and they also don't like it when I say I'm wrong.
That's what I'm trying to tell you, it doesn't come across as an admission, at least to me. I get what you're trying to say, but that's not the first impression it conveys
I don't know how that is not an admission, but what about this one?
Still not an admission?
It's Ok. I think it's easy to dismiss obvious situations such as these, but as a tired parent I can tell you the mind will play tricks on you. I always triple check everything because I know I'm already exhausted. I can't fault another parent for a mistake though.
OMG... read the article. j/k
We want you to go back on time and stop your former self from making the initial comment obviously. /s 🙂
Perhaps you could edit your first comment, otherwise people won't know that you see things differently now.
I think that would be dishonest of me. I'd rather people see that I said something incorrect, especially when it's something people commonly get wrong according to the provided article.
You can certainly keep the original comment, just with an addendum. Of course you don't have to, but it could prevent further misunderstanding