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this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2024
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It's amazing how the smallest routine deviations can change things.
I once put my 1 year old in the car seat before loading the rest of the stuff into the car. My kid has always hated being constrained, so I didn't bother buckling the seat belt, as I figured there'd be more joy in being able to reach and play with toys while I loaded the car.
All went well, we got underway, and upon arriving at our destination I realized I never actually did up the safety restraints.
I thought
What a shock and brutal realization to have.
Many people have complemented me on my parenting, complemented me on my nurturing and caring attitude towards my kid and other children too. I'd like to think I'm a good father...but the momentary lapse I had could have ended a life and ruined so many more.
Yes, it can happen to anyone. I feel nothing but sympathy for the parents who have lost a child this way.
While not every parent who loses a child this way is a good person, people like Lyn Balfour have demonstrated that many of the parents responsible for these cases are good people who simply had a momentary lapse in attention that resulted in the worse mistake of their entire life.
I think that it is not for the public to judge them, and it's not appropriate to publically shame parents who have been through a tragedy like this.
Those parents will be forever haunted by the waxy face of their dead child, will see other children playing in parks, and remember what their child looked like the last time they saw their remains, will remember how beautiful and vibrant their baby was - and know that it's their fault that the child is forever gone.
I think that's punishment enough.
When my oldest was about 1, I buckled him in, but didn't realize the carseat wasn't buckled in.
About a mile down the road, I turned and we went tumbling across the car in his car seat. It was completely upside down by the end.
The only thing that kept me calm was that he was cackling with laughter. He thought it was the funniest thing. Never made thay mistake again!
Does he skateboard now?
As a new parent... This terrifies me
There have been other suggestions in the thread how to avoid ending up in this situation that I think are good, like put your work bag or purse in the back seat too, or if you're really concerned, take off your non-driving shoe and put it back there.
Kidsandcars.org does great work too, and clearly the message is getting thru to auto manufacturers too.
My boss has a new ford ranger, it reminds him to check the back seat if it detects weight. There are lots of ways to prevent this happening to you, figure out what makes the most sense for you and go with it.
Also, you're going to be a great parent. I don't know how I know this, I just do.
Also terrified of the same with my 9 month old, but you're right, my Ioniq also gives a reminder to check the back when the driver door is opened if the rear doors had opened prior to the drive. I hope I won't need it but it is nice to have.
Quick followup. If you open the rear doors before a drive, drive to an intermediate location, turn of the car, get out, get back in (without opening those rear doors) does it warn you when arriving at the destination?
I ask because there's been criticism previously that if a parent stops to say, drop off dry cleaning, that the systems that are based on door openings don't work.
It's the lack of REM sleep that really fucks you up. Those first months and years are brutal. I suggest making a habit of something that pulls you out of auto pilot. It can be as simple as a phrase like ''close the door, check the kid'' or ''turn off the engine check the back seat'' if it's a habit, it will reenforce what your doing even when you haven't had a solid 8hrs in almost a year. Also, if you have a partner, it can be a good idea, when possible, to switch night duty on baby so you can recharge, but honestly, it's impossible if you can ever hear the baby fuss your animal instincts shoot you right up.
This happened with my youngest once. I forget what lead up to it (this was 16-17 years ago), he might have climbed into his seat on his own or something that deviated me from my routine, but as we were driving he said something about his buckles, and his sister, sitting next to me started yelling at me because I forgot to buckle him.
i was a toddler in the 70's. i was never put in a child seat. i distinctly remember crawling around in the floorboard and watching the streetlights go past from a lying position. i'm glad i have those memories instead of being put in restraints every time i was ferried around. we were even in a car wreck once and i got thrown around a little bit. got a few cuts on my hand and that was it.
but i don't have kids so i don't worry about any of that shit.
i'm not sure if there was a point to this other than to be amused at yall for freaking out over everything.
I once lit a cigarette, but it didnt stay lit. So i guess that means that everyone who lights a cigarette has to light it twice....
Except that it doesnt and my experience put me in a minority that day.
Thats why we dont use anecdotes as evidence of facts.
People are right to be concerned about safety when the evidence shows that not being concerned causes more deaths despite there being some lucky idiots out there.
that's not at all an uptight thing to say.
Given that it wasn't angry or controlling, it wasn't actually a particularly uptight thing to say. No.
You presented your personal experience as evidence of fact and used that to act condescendingly towards people who care about the safety of their children.
Just think about that for a minute.
nah. i don't have kids so i don't have to think about shit i don't want to.
That is actually very clear, no need to remind us.
i'll bet i have better solutions than you do.
You dont wven know how to solve your attitude. I dont have much faith you can solve anything else.
But you are entitled to be wrong, so i wont stop you.
sure thing, pacifist. have fun raising your kids in the dystopia you were too chicken shit to do anything about.
Are you ok? How did you get to raising a child in a dystopia from you rolling around on the floor of a car and surviving a wreck without wearing a seatbelt?
Please take a step back from this and look at yourself. You have lost the thread.
nope. i'm actually looking at the big picture and this thread is a microcosm of the problem: leftists are too soft to stand up to fascism. the obsession with car seats epitomizes why you are all too fragile to be relied on to oppose violent right wingers.
it also underscores my lack of concern for your petty grievances. i take pleasure in pointing out my very anecdotal childhood story because i knew it would bring out the limp-wristed folks like yourself. congratulations on taking the wimpy boy bait.
Ok, cool. At least i know what kind of person you are. Glad we dont need to continue this.
Also someone else must be following this thread and has been downvoting you. Because i havent been.
oh no. someone on lemmy doesn't agree with me. i must be wrong. /s
Wow, triggered much?
lol. no, but i'm not ashamed of my anger when it happens. is that what you think matters? being calmer than the other guy?
I think that being calm makes you more rational and allows you to see when you are wrong about something.
Listen to yourself. Saying things like "you took the wimpy boy bait"
If you knew how pathetic that makes you sound, you wouldn't say it.
I need to stop responding to you. You're such a troll.
believe it or not, it's not a troll. i'm seriously worried about most of you. you've lived in a padded, comfortable society for so long, you've lost sight of the larger historical narrative: most social change happens through violence. lots of people historically never saw it coming and were woefully unprepared when it did. most people don't seem to realize that the entire framework of our society is held together at gunpoint. the threat of violence is the thing that underlies any lawful society. it's what guarantees your rights.
and most of you are helpless to do anything about it when the people that do understand how it works decide to flex those muscles.
furthermore, your dependence on safety and security actually pads the way for your corporate overlords to determine what your life will be. it's not like they have to really worry about you fighting back. they know you're a bunch of cowards and it empowers them to push you around like the peasants that you seem to be willing to make yourselves into.
being rational means knowing what is the appropriate tool for the given task is. most of you seem irrationally unable to see that your peaceful and calm methods have failed to prevent the steady deterioration of the quality of life for the last 5 decades.
i'm not afraid of anger. anger is a motivator. anger gets shit done.
Yeah we've all seen 'V for Vendetta', it's really not that deep. You're acting like the average person doesn't understand this - but the implicit threat of violence is central to all human culture. It's impossible to miss. You're railing about how a strawman you've built for yourself can't wake up from it's complacent slumber, and it's distracted you from the truth; everyone already knows what you're preaching. You're not special for this realization, it's not a deep insight. People fight against it all the time, and we're winning, slowly. But it's called a culture war for a reason, and we know that we're going to lose some battles while we wage it.
Most people aren't helpless. Throughout history, populations have appeared unprepared for war because they did not want to fight that war. but time after time we see that a populace will retreat to violence as a solution when deprived of all other options. Your 'strong survive, weak perish' thing is so woefully oversimplified that it no longer resembles, even in abstract, the problems and supposed solutions that you then extrapolate from it.
are you? lol
for this the first time in human history, the average person has the tools in their pocket to organize on a massive scale. tired of conservative politics? show up en masse and dispose of the morons. tired of corporate overreach? bombs, terrified CEOs. we could make change happen in a heartbeat if we wanted to. the clock is ticking on climate change, but keep telling yourself you're making 'sLoW cHaNge'.
Not to cite my own horn here but I did address exactly what you're bringing up.
I should probably mention that I don't really disagree with your point, I just think that in holding your understanding of this issue as some unique insight instead of acknowledging that this has ever been the tragic irony of a peaceful society makes you come across as something of an edgy cretin instead of a fairly insightful commenter talking on an important subject they're passionate about. "All men are created equal", while both trite and rather out of touch with our modern sensibilities, is still important as a concept. You and I aren't special. I might have some largely unique insights about database structures you don't share, and you no doubt have some aspects I have never fathomed, but we are both the homogenized result of countless little insights and facets that average out to a blend which is both totally unique and yet uniformly conforming. If you start thinking you're special beyond the variation normal to that blend, then you're going to quickly lose your understanding of what an actual 'average person' really is like.
I hate to say it, but the way one presents their message is perhaps more important even than the actual content they're trying to present. Depressing, really, but... there it is.
well, unfortunately, cynicism has pretty much consumed me, so i kinda stopped caring about getting my message across a long time ago. i tried reasoning with conservatives until i realized how futile that was. then i tried reasoning with liberals about useless debate was until i realized how futile that was. i think i'm just here to yell at clouds now.
What a sentence.