Lucky for me my parents were both "I didn't save anything for retirement, my kids will take care of me when I'm older", so I don't have to suffer through this.
Yeah my parents:
explicitly told me they're giving me nothing
told me they'd give my hypothetical grandchildren something because (and I cannot express to you enough that they explicitly stated this OUT LOUD WITH WORDS) that they would love the grandchildren more than me. My mother has talked to me at length about how she already likes these people that don't exist more than me.
Are constantly critical of my appearance. When I tried to wear makeup as a child they didn't want me to look "promiscuous" (because somehow using an SAT word makes it ok to tell your 10-year-old they look like a whore). My mother was constantly critical of how short clothing looked on me because I was so tall or how my chest looked in shirts because it was too big. Now that I've gotten those tits removed and I dress more masculine even though I never even really "came out" as anything because I just don't care enough about gender that's also not ok because I'm not acting my gender.
They don't comfort me when I'm upset. They either tell me I'm upset about something stupid or say that I should be worried about more other things. I worked in Healthcare while in nursing school through the first half of COVID them graduated mid-pandemic and every time I'd mention stuff about how broken our Healthcare system is they'd want to have a "fun debate" about MAGA shit then make fun of me for getting emotional. One time I was sitting suicide watch because a guy kept ripping the ventilator mask off and begging me to let him die. The only thing that got him to keep it on was me summing up the plots of the last five books I read because after the first four hours I ran out of things to talk to him about to keep him distracted. Y'all. They thought my PTSD flashbacks were funny.
My parents are both rocket scientists but they're not sending people to the moon or Mars. I don't know how they reconcile a belief in Jesus with arms dealing but I'm pretty sure those dead Palestinian kids are paying for my nursing degree.
Anyway I unloaded the exact content of all those PTSD flashbacks on them, told them their voting choices were going to lead to them dying in a ditch full of maggots, then dumped all the shit my whole family talk behind each other's backs in the groupchat and changed my phone number. Its been a year and I haven't felt the need to drink since.
Love me? You don't even like me. Die alone, assholes.
Sir, this is a Wendy's.
Those are the sort of parents I left in the past, I feel you with a lot of that.
As for the grandkids, feel free to use my excuse. "I can't afford them". (Partially because I have to support one of them, but also kids are freaking expensive). So they can whine about not having grandchildren all they want. Kids are now 800k+, who can do that?
Well they've said they would support me IF-
I just went ahead and told them it's because they didn't stop my cousins from doing weird sexual shit to me.
My mom is "choosing" to spend it at a retirement home because we can't have her live with us and my brother is an asshole. And honestly, I'd rather have her spend her last years in comfort (we won't even be in the same country) than get some windfall when she dies.
Retirement homes aren't cheap. She's in her early 80s, but both of her parents lived until their 90s, so I'm guessing there won't be much of any inheritance left over.
I mean, didn't they do the exact same thing with the planet?
To be fair, the silent generation is not guilt free on that
Also they will spend it on expensive overpriced healthcare they voted for.
Honestly, that and retirement homes sort of exist to extract the last wealth from the dying.
"Fuck you, I got mine."
-Boomers on everything from pensions to affordable housing and education to inheritances to having a habitable planet to live on
The attitude you describe is, I believe, the result of capitalist and religious propaganda that reinforces individualism rather than collectivist and non-religious yet spiritual philosophies. Those like Hinduism, Confucianism, Zen and Toaism.
Not to sell any one in particular but the common thread in the East is a different perspective than a boss in the sky eternally judging each individual.
Even if you aren't religious, advertising will tell you you're a special, unique and seperate individual. Desiring to stand out as famous, beautiful, smart, funny, strong etc is just a trap but one desired by many. Unfortunately, to be above others, then others must be below you. To be rich, there must be poor.
An understanding of this force of balance shows that to minimise the extremes of poverty you must minimise the extremes of wealth.
The East sees our true self is the larger whole of which we as Humanity are a small part of. While your name may seperate you conceptually, none of us are separate from the air we breath or the stars we see. Nothing is seperate even though the mind feels and believes it is so. Are you really in control? Do you beat your heart? When you make a decision, do you first decide to decide?
I only say all this because, when one genuinely switches thinking this way, then naturally you want to be generous and caring towards all others because you see everything as yourself includeing all that is non human.
These philosophies are not the complete answer to our problems because many of these philosophies were born in China and, even though it's embedded in their culture, they are still struggling like everyone else. But a more modern widespread common understanding of the true nature of the situation may be beneficial.
The people who are cool with this going "why shouldn't my parents enjoy what they made, why would you want anything you didn't work for?" are sort of missing the point. The real phrasing, that they probably would agree with, is "why should I support my children and future generations, my enjoyment is more important than their survival and secured future"
If you really think that you should only get what you work for, give back every Christmas or birthday present or any gift you've gotten or are getting in the future immediately. Turn down any bonus you get at work. Hell start paving your own roads.
Supporting others, especially family, is a good human trait, and shouldn't be erroded.
I grew up in the boat of not ever expecting any type of inheritance. Then my dad remarried and it is a thing, and that discussion that makes me really uncomfortable. I am in the first camp. I don't feel any sense of ownership or entitlement to that money.
She wants to go on a fancy trip to Bali? Good for her.
New car? Awesome.
He raised me, that was his responsibility. He did a great job and that's all I needed.
I am sure there will be something left but I'm not hedging all of my bets on it. Work bonus stays with me, though.
I'm sorry if this is worded weirdly; my dad passed away two years ago and I am still getting used to the past tense.
Yeah, my parents go on regular vacations all over the world, have redone their kitchen THREE times in the last decade (along with every room of their entire 3000 sq ft house), and can't be bothered to help me out when I encounter a major expense.
I don't know what they think is going to happen when they are too old to take care of themselves, but I can barely afford to take care of my immediate family so there's no way in hell I could support them too. Hope they set aside some of those fat stacks of cash for a nursing home because my retirement plan is dying poor at my workdesk (or on the street if I become too old to work).
Minor suggestion. Try dying poor at your boss's desk. You have nutrients and minerals that can be extracted for our use, don't be a hog.
This is my parents. I found out from a relative that after my mom suffered an injury, that her husband was spending $2000 a month on fast food. Literally TWOOOOO THOUSAND dollars on fried chicken a month.
When the topic came up of them writing a will, they said that I'd be getting the family pictures. That's it.
Holy shit that's a lot of chicken
Edit: if he's getting a 10 dollar meal that's 200 orders of chicken. A 31 day month with 3 meals has 93 meals meaning over double what a person typically eats. If you get a 18 piece bucket looks like the price might be between 62 and 100 bucks. Let's say 62 for fun that's approximately 32.25 buckets or 516 pieces of chicken a month. I mean I like chicken but damn not that much
But he's going Cartman on those buckets
Somehow, I grew up in the one neighborhood in the city that hasn't had a spike in value in the last couple of decades. My mom refuses to move out to a retirement community (at this point she would need assisted living). She likes to talk about improving the property and what color she should paint the upstairs. Watches flipper shows all day.
I don't have the heart to tell her that I have no interest in inheriting the property and that it will be a huge burden to liquidate all of the 'antiques' she has gathered over the last 80 years that now stink of cat piss and many colors of mold.
She's always been there for me in my darkest hours, though, and so has that shit mid century ranch.
I'll still let her win at Wheel of Fortune, as long as she can remember my name.
I’ll still let her win at Wheel of Fortune, as long as she can remember my name.
And then, after that, it's Zeff's turn to get the free spins.
The hospitals and retirement facilities plan to absorb every cent left.
Yea the picture is not related at all. Elder care is bleeding their money dry, they're not choosing to spend it on lavish vacations.
Once you get to a point where you run out of insurance and health savings, you have to go to Medicaid, which will take your house and the rest of your savings after you die. (And if you try to give your house to your child before you die, unless you do it 5 years before enrolling in medicaid you will get a huge delay in services)
This is a bad faith take that only reflect the experiencs of the wealthiest boomers. There are elderly people struggling with Medicare and social security being cut. Remember, there's not an age war, there is a class war.
Worth repeating:
This is worth repeating on basically all things political, social, financial, etc.
There is no "_____" War, there is only a Class War.
I was sitting in the room while my friend's dad was having a argument with his horrible dad. The horrible dad threatened to write him out of his will, and my friend's dad respond, "Why do you think I'd want 1/6th of fuck all anyway?"
I wouldn't be so blunt with my mother about things, but every time she talks about inheritance I encourage her to just spend the money on herself. Anything will be spilt between 7 kids overall (3 hers, 4 my late step dad). She is holding on to an expensive ring because my very well off, money hungry sister, has basically demanded it, so I'm working behind the scenes to try get her to sell it so she can invest in making her last few years that much easier.
My father was extremely open about his plans to spend it all. My in laws as well. I did get a small inheritance once, a few thousand dollars from a great grandpa that went to me because the legal battle for it outlived my mom. I hope I get sentimental things from my grandparents because that's the remainder of my incoming inheritance
My mom just wanted to make enough to spend it over her lifetime, and that seems fair to me. She got nothing from her parents and had to support her own mom in her old age, and didn't want to cost us anything.
I would argue that inheritance is a huge driver of inequality. I have gotten small amounts from the estate of my dad's parents (my dad died when I was 16) and a childless relative and even those amounts jumped us ahead some, I can imagine what some huge amount unearned would do - but it's just that. Unearned.
Middle class families passing down inheritance is not a driver of inequality.
A dozen individuals controlling 60% of the wealth in America is.
My dad - who was an amazingly racist conspiracy theorist - gave all his money to 2 redhead women he started fucking after divorcing the woman he married after my mom died.
He chose not to leave me anything because I called him out for using the "n" word any time he talked about African Americans.
I'm out $150k
He is out having a legacy. My kids will never know his name, story, or hate.
I was sexually/otherwise abused by my mother for most of my life. When I brought it up to family, I was basically told to shut up about it/“go to therapy.” They spent thousands torturing me in troubled teen facilities, and provided me with nothing for college (which I paid for with multiple jobs and sex work.)
I will never own a house. I spent almost two years after my divorce to just be able to afford an apartment. My family has never valued me - I will not give them the comfort they denied when it is the end. My entire life has been a hell.
When my grandparents passed away they left my boomer mother a fully paid off duplex...
Which she immediately reverse mortgaged to fund her retirement because she has nothing.
A house my grandmother designed, and great grandmother financed and built, where 4 generations of my family lived and literally died, will be pissed into the wind when my mother dies.
My dad just died destitute and my mother will probably have nothing when she passes. I’m ok with that, I am my own person. People complaining about losing out on inheritance are fucking spoiled brats. “ you spent the money you worked for? Boo hoo hoo, I wanted your money though “
This is a flippant and unproductive comment that ignores the fact that we have a culture of passing down what you have to your children so that they can have a better life than you had - something many of these boomers benefitted from.
I get not everybody is entitled to it but it’s kind of considered a major goal for a lot of Americans to do that for their children. Which means it reflects poorly on the boomers who have said “nah fuck you” after also pillaging our future for their wealth.
I want my parents to enjoy the money they worked their entire life for. I believe work allows to live, and not the contrary where you live to work. I would 10000x rather my parents enjoy the effort they put for their money instead of dying of exhaustion without being able to use their money
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