this post was submitted on 18 Feb 2025
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Programmer Humor

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[–] funkajunk@lemm.ee 87 points 1 month ago (3 children)

God forbid we actually rehabilitate people instead of profiting off of their enslavement and not actually giving a shit if they get better or not.

[–] bleistift2@sopuli.xyz 64 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Paraphrasing a Scandinavian who gave an interview I once saw in a TV documentary about the correction system in some nordic country:

Once that perpetrator gets out of prison and rents an apartment next to you, would you rather he was subject to inhumane punishment? Or would you rather he was treated like a human being and learned how to behave in society?

[–] Kitathalla@lemy.lol 14 points 1 month ago

Heh, the amerikkkan answer is simple: don't let them rent next to you. They've accomplished it by ridiculous rent prices, charging inmates to be in jail (so they come out with debt), and shackling them to low paying jobs.

[–] pinball_wizard@lemmy.zip 17 points 1 month ago

There's gotta be less cruel ways to rehabilitate people, though.

I'm kidding. Welcome reformed convicts, to the wonderful and awful world of coding!

[–] dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It’s even more absurd as surely the objective should be to have less victims of crime, so doing whatever gets that result seems logical.

[–] zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 21 points 1 month ago

A lot of people's concept of justice isn't based on logic. Rehabilitation makes more sense logically, but retribution feels better.

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 76 points 1 month ago (3 children)

The murderers have to do C++.

[–] marble@sh.itjust.works 41 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I already do C++, so I must have a few credits built up...

[–] earphone843@sh.itjust.works 36 points 1 month ago (1 children)

If you do COBOL it's a get out of jail free card

[–] 30p87@feddit.org 9 points 1 month ago

So as long as I'm not caught in between I can murder multiple times?

[–] VaalaVasaVarde@sopuli.xyz 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Don't murderers do filesystems?

[–] mdurell@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I got this. For those that don't, search about reiserfs and the author's criminal history.

[–] wise_pancake@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 month ago

They’ve already got the requisite skills for Unix

man kill

pkill -P <parent_pid> —signal SIGKILL

killall -9

[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.world 59 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Impossible! You mean to say... prisoners are just human beings?! Preposterous! Ludicrous, even!

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 37 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Wrftf is rehabilitation?

I wanna punish and increase recidivism!

[–] Asafum@feddit.nl 26 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Ahhh a fellow American I see.

Justice is "just us" and is exclusively meant to maximize misery.

[–] Jesus_666@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago

Given that prisons are an industry in the States and that inmates are one of their main sources of cheap labor, the high recidivism rate is there to maximize profits.

[–] bitjunkie@lemmy.world 54 points 1 month ago

*2.000000001 years

[–] roofuskit@lemmy.world 51 points 1 month ago (2 children)

They're not allowed to teach Java. Otherwise they'll be referred to the ICC for crimes against humanity.

[–] radiohead37@lemmynsfw.com 18 points 1 month ago

Cruel and unusual punishment

[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 1 month ago

Also sued by Oracle

[–] brokenlcd@feddit.it 43 points 1 month ago (2 children)

What heinous crime one must commit to be forced to learn fortran

[–] Droggelbecher@lemmy.world 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Pursue a particle physics degree

Source: I've been at my masters thesis for two years please kill me

[–] dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de 14 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] bleistift2@sopuli.xyz 11 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Huh… Not my intention.

I wasn’t wishing them success with their thesis /s

[–] Sabata11792@ani.social 2 points 1 month ago

You both got this and don't got this at the same time?

[–] Droggelbecher@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

Nah my death wish is too passive

[–] AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Isn't Fortran more or less Basic with Maths?

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[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 34 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The sentence should scale with the crime. Nonviolent burglars and minor frauds could be taught Python, more serious crimes could get Go, whereas the most depraved offenders could be sentenced to C++

[–] hoshikarakitaridia@lemmy.world 23 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Not envious of that serial killer having to decide between Assembly and Haskell

[–] bitjunkie@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The real reason Hannibal Lecter broke out was he had to write Clojure in Notepad

[–] Spacehooks@reddthat.com 3 points 1 month ago

One of guys that retired wrote all his code in notepad. He also did debugging by printing all the code on paper. Like wtf there are other options!

[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 5 points 1 month ago

Haskell would be reserved for drug offenders

[–] heavydust@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 month ago

They have to maintain the code of the ReiserFS project.

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[–] MuskyMelon@lemmy.world 27 points 1 month ago

You are hereby remanded to upgrade a legacy Java 1 system, written by interns, to Java 8. May God have mercy on your soul.

[–] veniasilente@lemm.ee 20 points 1 month ago

Ah yes, the pip to npm pipeline!

[–] mrodri89@lemmy.zip 16 points 1 month ago

Maybe they can teach them to maintain the Linux wireless drivers.

[–] PumpkinEscobar@lemmy.world 15 points 1 month ago

Cruel and unusual.

[–] jet@hackertalks.com 14 points 1 month ago

Pascal breathing heavily in the common room

[–] MonkeMischief@lemmy.today 9 points 1 month ago

if you get sent there for computer crimes you might get the worst sentence: Teaching those "tech skills."

[–] Creosm@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago

"Their methods are unusual, but very effective!!"

[–] JadeSleeps@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

At least they are allowed a ThinkPad.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 9 points 4 weeks ago

Not seen: Prison-issued thigh high rainbow socks.

[–] S13Ni@lemmy.studio 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I hear they do micro work for mechanical turk in some Finnish prisons. It is optional, but surely won't teach you anything at all about tech.

[–] DerArzt@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Beats being a slave on a chain gang in the American prison system.

[–] S13Ni@lemmy.studio 5 points 1 month ago

Well maybe, micro work is really dehumanizing and cognitively rough. I hear some US inmates do work at McDonalds and if I had to choose between that and microwork, and if time I spent working was the same with both options, I would take the fastfood job any day. At least have done that before irl so I know what to expect.

I'm ADHD in IT job, and my mind would explode if work I did with computer was just unskilled datasorting job.

But I do know US inmates have basically slave conditions. But I read a book about microwork and it sounds like psychological torture to me. Like what they do in Severance.

(Work without worker is the book)

[–] dadGPT@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

console.log("surprised pickachu face");

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago

You whiners and complainers are all lucky. I don’t see anyone mentioning PL/SQL.

[–] TheGiantKorean@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

What did he do? Kill a crowd of innocent people using an old woman as a club?

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