Ask Lemmy

It's the alienation of modern living. Helping and getting help from perfect strangers is the most natural thing in the world for humans. We get a buzz off the altruism. They say the kindest thing you can do for someone is to accept their help.

In this modern society we've created there's this artificial sense that there's no social fabric, only stranger danger and it's bullshit. 97% of everyone is basically a good person being buffeted about by situational factors, so maybe it's hard to see that they're good. Just hard enough that you're never sure if you're seeing one of those 1 in 40 people who happen to be a pure monster.

The scariest threat is an ambiguous one, so it's not hard to see why we're like this - but it's much better for you and society if you can find a way to trust and lend a hand with each other. Hell, some of them will even tell you their name and remember you next time. Sooner or later, you've made a friend.

There's always the rare actually horrible person out there to be aware of, but most of us are basically fine I think.

I think most people from my culture (midwest American) find it uncomfortable to get help from anyone. It seems vaguely embarrassing, even when it's from friends or family. It's much easier to give than to receive.

I've been on both ends of that pretty regularly and I have been working on learning to accept help gratefully as well as giving it. It is surprisingly difficult.

I think it's at least partially cultural. Depending on the country you're living in, it may be part of the culture.

I am from the USA, and the "rugged individualist" mindset is rampant and unhealthy.

It can also come from family history. Most of my feelings of being a burden come from a childhood of being told I was a burden even though I never asked to be brought into this world.

I still feel like a burden even though I didn't ask to have cancer, either.

It often comes from how family characterizes it, as well. I explained to my mother recently that she doesn't even notice she's doing it. I have worked hard all my life and it is not my fault that society has devalued the kind of work I do and that even though I have worked long hours, always worked holidays, and in general busted my ass, I have very little to show for it. Yet, when she talks about my sister, she characterizes it as "Well, your sister grew up and got out on her own," as though I haven't grown up and haven't been doing grown up things and haven't just been overworked and underpaid. She has promised to try to not talk about it that way anymore because late into her seventies, she's finally fucking realizing how damaging that is and how much it hurts when I have worked hard and been an adult, too. I chose jobs and careers which still have a lot of value in society but society has decided they don't want to pay for, and she is finally recognizing that instead of placing the blame on me or acting like I haven't "grown up" because I struggled and am still struggling.

In the USA at least, I commonly hear people tell each other that they should drop someone as a friend or a partner if it's too hard to support them. It makes me ill inside. Nobody asked to be here, nobody asked for the problems they have, and if we weren't all overworked and put on the verge of homelessness, we might actually have the capacity to care for each other instead of giving up and trying to find someone else.

Normal? Yes, it's pretty normal and common. Is it logical? No, not really. But is it actually unhealthy? Yes, yes it is.

In today's society in America it is "normal" however it's not good for society, I think it's called something like hyper individualism, where everyone only takes care of them selfs and if they can't there deemed "bad" it's extremely toxic andin america it's considered "normal"

Yeah it is fine i feel the same

I think that's somewhat common and natural, but also unnecessary and uncalled for.

Let the other party decide for themselves whether they're fine helping and to what degree. From your side, take the help you can get.

There's no such thing as "normal". Every person, every culture, etc is different - you do you, and be happy. Having said that, from my point of view, these dont seem like exactly strangers, and you're probably a good person, and it could be their way of saying they want to be a better friend to you.

This is a very common thing, especially those with Nice Guy (TM) syndrome. The gist of it there is that you don't feel like you have the worth or don't deserve good things, or something along those lines, so someone helping you violates that narrative, more or less.

I don't know if this applies or if I'm way off in left field, but Dr. Robert Glover is a phsychologist who's been working on these traits for a long time. Here's his website and book.

It is for me. Heck im loathe to get help from firends and family. I think its jsut and independence thing.

That's your survival instinct doing what it's supposed to do. Don't let a stranger into your home, don't go into a stranger's home. That's just asking to be a victim.

Yes, it's very common to be wary of people you don't know.