Heh, amateur hour. Let me show you my watch.

"and i have a piece of cardboard thats worth more than your watch" whips out a charizard

Sounds like you got ripped off

"Interesting, may I see?" And when they hold their wrist up to you, inspect it closely, then lick it, make some faces like a wine connoisseur, shake your head and say :"It's fake" turn around and disengage.

• Your clock stopped. (Looks at the clock)
• No it's still working.
• You are bald on tip of your head I saw it when you were looking at the clock.

Serious answer:

That's cool. What makes it special?

Sometimes people talk about how expensive something they own is simply because they're proud that they could afford it and even when they're being tone-deaf, there's no benefit to getting offended when you could just move the conversation along instead. (Although you might have to listen to them talk about watches.) If they were trying to brag, now they're stuck trying to explain why the watch is actually worth what they paid and you're the one judging them.

Cars (and watches) aren't so expensive that a middle-class person can't plausibly already own the one he would buy even if money was unlimited. You can act like that's true about you. My status-conscious former mother in law was bothered by the fact that I owned an old car, but when she would bring it up I would just say "I really like the 2008 model." She couldn't argue with that.

"that's a lot of money for such an ugly watch."

I have people who love me.

"I don't have a car"

'nice watch!' then move in and quietly say "oh, hey, it looks like your barber missed a spot back there"

Barf in his face.

You still use a watch?

A classic that always makes people like this angry is the good ole, "Anyways, [Something you are casually going to do today or did yesterday]- " and a hand wave to dismiss the statement.

It infuriates them lol

"Ok?"

I feel like owning expensive stuff like that is non optional for the very rich. Those who answer things like "my phone already does that" do sound poor. They don't buy it because they need the time. They buy it because it looks nice and is expensive.

I think I would make a disgusted face and say something like "really? It doesn't look like it. What brand is it?"

Grabs machete
Thanks for showing me where to find it. /j

"good for you, little guy"

Look of confusion "Does...does that make you happy?"

-or-

"Was it worth it?"

Just smile non-genuinely and say "Sure."

"How fast does it do 0-60?"

K

If you need to point out the watch and explain its value, you've already lost.

"Well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!"

Fool and his money.

When I was at school, the kids would say, "my dad's shed is bigger than your dad's shed". But that was a long time ago, and we each had a child's view of the world. Most of us grew up.

"I don't get my happiness from material worth."

You see this? This is called a "smart phone." Not only will this tell me the time like your watch, but it can also do a bunch of other things. I can look at pictures of raccoons wearing silly hats or I can use it to insult someone on the other side of the planet. It also cost a fraction of what your watch cost. I'm sorry to tell you this, but I think it should go and get your money back. It sounds like you've been scammed. As a matter of fact, let me give you my friend's phone number. He's an accountant, and I think he'll be able to help stop you from making stupid purchases in the future.

“What kinda mileage does it get?”

“Cool, I went to the bar with my friends last night. What did you do?”

“Can you get me some more water?”

Does 0 to 60 in ONE minute! It's garbage.

“Ok”

Either dishonest affirmation or "That's nice, buddy" and touch his shoulder.

With people you might need later it's the first option, the second if you want to piss off narcissists.

"what?"

"I'm sorry I didn't catch that"

"one more time?"

"ok. thanks for letting me know."

My car has an analog clock face too.

That's cool, but MY watch has a Tomagachi living in it.

"People with true value don’t need trinkets to convince others of their worth."

"Not everybody knows how to make the best use of their resources."

"Unless it has a button that stops time, you paid too much."