this post was submitted on 17 Jun 2025
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Enough Musk Spam

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For those that have had enough of the Elon Musk worship online.

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[–] NutWrench@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago

"Ketamine: Negative" lol.

[–] Bravo@eviltoast.org 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Does this mean that Musk's address is stored on Fastest Lab's servers?

Edit: nvm I found his address

[–] LucidLyes@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago

These drug tests are as legit as those solar roof panels he was showing

[–] Treczoks@lemmy.world 29 points 2 days ago

If he has not enough computer skills to fake such a document, he probably has someone who can. Just like has people playing games for him.

[–] Honytawk@feddit.nl 9 points 2 days ago

There is an addendum:

[–] Zink@programming.dev 26 points 2 days ago

Oh great, a screenshot posted by the guy known to pay people to pretend to be him being good at games, who has spent the last few years— damn I mean the last few months, trying to see whether he can set the bar higher for destroying net worth or the lives of uncountable people all over the world.

[–] DarkFuture@lemmy.world 32 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Can we overlook the potential fact that he's not on drugs and focus on him admitting that he acts the way he acts WITHOUT drugs as an excuse?

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[–] kandoh@reddthat.com 7 points 2 days ago

Drugs deserve better than to be associated with elon. I won't let him ruin ketamine for the children.

[–] barneypiccolo@lemm.ee 39 points 3 days ago

Like when Fox News got their hands on 40,000 hours of January 6 footage, and edited a 2 minute montage of people being not committing mayhem, and then used that carefully edited clip to claim the allegations of violence were liberal lies.

[–] _cryptagion@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 2 days ago (4 children)

the shithead smoked pot on a podcast, and he expects people to believe this?

[–] bieren@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 days ago

I once saw someone try to say he didn’t inhale as a defense for him. What the fuck is wrong with people trying to defend this fucking nazi.

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[–] zbyte64@awful.systems 16 points 2 days ago

How can he expect us to believe this when his blood isn't even on the blockchain?

[–] LordWiggle@lemmy.world 54 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (14 children)

They test for "ecstacy", the street name, not "MDMA" the official name? Where did he get these test results from, his dealer?

Opiates are tested, and oxycodone? But oxycodone is an opiate. Is this list created by chatgpt?

It says it was a urine sample. As if the richest man in the world cannot get a clean urine sample from someone. It's probably from the only kid he gives attention (to block snipers when he's out in the open). That's probably why the kid punched him in the face. Because daddy wanted to touch his pipi.

[–] Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 20 points 3 days ago (9 children)

So I'm familiar with this organization for reasons.

USDTL itself is the real deal. Not a drug testing expert, but it's probable the assay used flags positive for Ecstasy in the presence of either MDMA and/or MDMA metabolites like MDA. Like the guy below you said, it's also common to separate out oxy from opiates - an opiate screen from this lab detects codeine, hydrocodone, hydromorphone, and morphine. The oxy screen flags positive in the presence of oxycodone and oxymorphone.

None of this is to say it's actually Elon's urine, though - I'd usually give USDTL the benefit of the doubt re: chain of custody, but the guy has too much money and brainwashees to totally rule out this being an unsupervised collection where someone else's pee was swapped in. Send me an uncut video of a hair collection, with the specimen id clearly marked and everything packaged up to forensic standards on camera, and I might have less doubt.

At least in that case, any fuckery after the fact is a great way to lose CAP accreditation.

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So we’re just supposed to believe that the richest man on earth can’t just make up a form, pay wm employee for clean urine, or just pay off the doctor

[–] Nangijala@feddit.dk 31 points 3 days ago (9 children)

He must really think we are all as dumb as he is.

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[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)

Creatine: normal

weak baby, gotta get GAINS

edit: i can't read

[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 17 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Grok, how long does it take for all the drugs in this report to clear your system?

[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 2 days ago

I think cannabis is the only one that would take longer than maybe 10-14 days (heavy use of ketamine would take a little longer than the usual few days).

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[–] Boddhisatva@lemmy.world 149 points 3 days ago (13 children)

Well I for one am perfectly convinced that patient TX45788288 is clean and free of drugs. Of course, I don't really know who that is. Probably isn't Musk though. Even if it is, I'm quite sure that he could easily find someone to piss in a cup for him for a million or so. Hell, I hate the dirt bag and I would have done it for a million bucks.

Also, I would never impute the integrity of Jennifer Taylor of Fastest Labs of South Austin, but I think maybe her boss should check to see if she suddenly jumped into a new tax bracket.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 71 points 3 days ago

"Well, Mr. Musk, you're not on drugs but you are pregnant."

[–] bassomitron@lemmy.world 55 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Not to mention that the drugs he's accused of abusing don't usually stay in your system for a long time.

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[–] throwawayacc0430@sh.itjust.works 26 points 3 days ago (5 children)

Lmao, reminds me of this Chinese phrase "此地無銀三百兩" (There are no 300 taels of silver buried here)

It is said to come from a story about a man named Zhang San (張三). According to the story, he buried 300 taels of silver in the ground with the banner “There are no 300 taels of silver (buried) here” so that no one would steal them. But his neighbor Wang Er (王二) saw through the lie and dug up the money, leaving the banner “Your neighbour Wang Er did not steal (the silver)”.

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[–] Stern@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Piss test catches ket for a week. A hair test catches it for a year. Something to think on.

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[–] Zedd00@lemmy.dbzer0.com 98 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Fun story time: I once got informed of a drug test for a job I'd just accepted after a weekend of hard partying. I was on prescription opiods, Adderall, and ketamine. They called Monday morning at 9 to tell me I had to piss within 4 hours. I hadn't even slept yet. I should have lit that test up like a Christmas tree for everything except thc. It came back clean. They never asked about my prescriptions. I have 2 theories. 1) they don't actually test. 2) if too many things light up, they assume it's a calibration issue.

[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 49 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Odds are good it lit up and whoever it was didn't care.

[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 45 points 3 days ago (1 children)

"Wow, this guy's on everything and still functions! We could use someone with that stamina. PASS."

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[–] Scott_of_the_Arctic@lemmy.world 14 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Until i personally test his hair for ketamine I'm not going to be convinced. I used to know a lot of crusties. I know what it looks like when someone's in a k hole.

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[–] AcidicBasicGlitch@lemm.ee 20 points 3 days ago

I really don't care, but if we're playing this game, could we get a hair test?

[–] AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago

Half of those literally only show up if you're on them when you get the test lol

[–] BeMoreCareful@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago (5 children)

Where do you think he got the pee?

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[–] obre@lemmy.world 51 points 3 days ago (4 children)
[–] greenbit@lemmy.zip 26 points 3 days ago

The richest mothefucker chooses the shadiest black market lab available? Makes sense.

Maybe he just bought some results, and it's not like his chosen substances are visible for long in piss tests anyway

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[–] gedhrel@lemmy.world 18 points 3 days ago (1 children)

If the claim is that his obnoxious behaviour is nothing to do with his drug habit, I'm prepared to accept that.

[–] breecher@sh.itjust.works 17 points 3 days ago

"I swear it's not drugs, I am just a giant asshole completely naturally!"

[–] Someonelol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 43 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Most of these drugs are pretty much undetectable after abstaining for a few days. Big deal. Negative cannabis use surprised me a little but he probably left it behind when he picked up his ketamine binge. That said who the hell advertises their test results like this wtf?

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[–] Goldmage263@sh.itjust.works 27 points 3 days ago (7 children)

Well, as much as I'd love to believe him, I can't. I start immediately asking questions, like, why is every word either all caps or start with a capital letter except for the word "negative"? Could be the way that lab does it, but almost nowhere else seems to.

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[–] ZDL@lazysoci.al 34 points 3 days ago (7 children)

How did this dud ever get mistaken for a genius?

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[–] PangurBan@lemmy.world 10 points 2 days ago

... People constantly say he's on drugs. This is such a dumb post lol

Also yes he's on drugs that report is clearly bs

[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 13 points 3 days ago

It's obviously impossible that could be faked. I mean an image of a text document? There's no way!

Mere emojis are insufficient to convey how much I'm rolling my eyes.

[–] Doomsider@lemmy.world 28 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (3 children)

Everyone says he is high, he is visibly high, and he admits to doing drugs on the regular... Clean drug screen!? How fucking stupid does he think everyone is.

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[–] LaunchesKayaks@lemmy.world 14 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Love how he doxxed the Dr.

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