Being ostracized by some cis people unfortunately.
✨Although the beneficial tradeoff✨ is that know you know who to avoid and people who accept you regardless are more likely to be awesome🤗🌻
this post was submitted on 24 Jun 2025
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WomensStuff
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You can't discuss this and ignore politics.
I feel like what separates the vibes in this community and Reddit spaces like twox or mtf is the "no politics" rule.
On one hand, you could argue everything is political, or that it makes some posts challenging to fully talk about. On the other hand, I do feel like it keeps us all from spiraling and becoming a toxic space. So I personally don't mind working around obstacles.
Public bathrooms and other places sorted by gender. Dating is hard for similar results...
Literally any social gathering that doesn't sort out bigots (read: most of them) can end up as a disaster if you're openly queer.
My first question when my friends propose a new spot is "what's the bathroom situation?" If they're gendered, guess I'm holding it all night because I'm not bothering with that noise.
Being technically safest in big cities with high costs of living, but then having a harder time finding work or getting equal pay to actually afford living there.
And, without going into detail, same-sex couples having FOMO about getting married and potentially rushing things.
First hand experience in this. My husband left me after 8 months of marriage because of a FOMO on other men.
I was thinking about the uncertainty of the future of gay marriage rights, but I'm so sorry that happened to you. Bi people in committed monogamous relationships getting FOMO can so hard for everyone involved.
There's a lot I could list but I'm going to focus on 2.
The internalised homophonia/transphobia. We're surrounded by messages telling us we're wrong, not just outright anti LGBT stuff but avoidance, awkwardness etc. We don't see many role models in the media, or sometimes in every day life. And that's before we look at our immediate family and community response! We can end up with all sorts of twisted beliefs that there's something wrong with us. It's hard, and it causes some people to live lies, hate themselves or even harm themselves.
The constant outing of our status. Do we tell friends? Family? Work? If so when? It's not just me it's every girl I've ever dated, I could out all of them by telling a colleague! If we aren't fully out people that know have power over us, and it can come out with just a look. It's tiring and stressful.
You wanna hear some internalised transphobia? I've managed to talk myself down to a point where I don't feel like I even belong in trans spaces. I'm just watching day after day pass me by, hoping each one will be the day I find the courage to get myself out. I'm not currently living in a place where I feel comfortable presenting fem, so I'm basically a man with boobs which I do my best to conceal with thick jumpers. My confidence is in tatters and I don't feel like anyone is going to take me seriously because I don't take myself seriously. I've gone from being a miserable, suicidal, but somehow on–the–whole successful man to a total failure of a woman. A disgrace to the trans community and to womanhood. I even feel bad after seeing my endocrinologist now. I'm like her least successful project.
It sort of goes on and on like that in my head. Every day. And fully aware of how stupid I'm being to boot.
And yes, the outing is a fucking nightmare because it feels like you're gambling your happiness and self respect against the social capital you've built up under your closeted persona.
I am sorry you feel that way. You really dont owe any doctor a success story. You are beautiful just the way you are.
Can you move or at least make holidays somewhere where you can dress as you like, to regain a bit of confidence?
Thank you 💙 I do feel quite silly for thinking these things, especially when the solution to all of it is to just stop caring and live my life. Just go. Do it now. GO! Nope. Still nothing.
Unfortunately I have reached the final financial brick wall, however all I need to do is pick myself up, change the name atop my résumé, and hurl myself back into the workforce. Aaaaany day now.
I think you are too harsh to yourself. Its not just doing whatever. Doing these things change a lot for you and you do not know how people around will react. Its totally understandable that you are blocked doing all these things although it will most probably make you feel better. It needs a lot of courage i think. If at some point you do it you can be really proud of yourself! I hope this moment is sooner than you think and i hope you have or find supportive people in your area.
Transphobia/Homophobia/Biphobia/Aphobia etc
There are some places where I just can't go. One of my cousins is getting married in a few months and her wedding is down south so I feel like it is much too risky to go. I don't want to get arrested and/or assaulted just for using the restroom and if I did I know those pigs would be especially mean just because I'm trans.
These days? Being weary of most people, especially men, in public. Not sure if they are going to be cool, indifferent or an asshole. I can’t tell anymore. If anyone around me gives “conservative vibes”, I keep my head down and try to be away from them. I know that sounds cowardly—because it is.
ETA: I should have mentioned that of course there are plenty of women who feel the same way. So perhaps my comment does not quite fit.
I do the same thing. I don't think it is cowardly to try to keep yourself safe, even if the method of doing so is avoidance.
Practicing self preservation isn't cowardly.
Adoption and childbirth are hard, but for LGBTQ+ it is way harder. I adore every LGBTQ+ couple who does that
Remember no politics! LGBT people's lives can be different because the world isn't LGBT inclusive.
The world not being queer inclusive is political. I might not have legally available HRT by the end of the year :/
Overall, more than one in five LGBTQ+ adults (22%) are living in poverty, compared to an estimated 16% of their straight and cisgender counterparts.
Trans folks in particular suffer from unemployment due to discrimination, and those that find jobs suffer from low wages and underemployment:
- Transgender workers report unemployment at twice the rate of the population as a whole (14% vs. 7% at the time the workers were surveyed).
- More than four in 10 transgender people (44%) who are currently working are underemployed.
- Transgender workers are nearly four times more likely than the population as a whole to have a household income of under $10,000 (15% vs. 4% at the time the workers were surveyed).
As a fairly newly out (to myself, and a few friends and people online) transfem person the whole everything going on in the UK at the moment feels designed to just force me back firmly into the closet. I need to figure out getting DIY HRT but first I've got to save some money and then work out how to do any of it and it all just feels like the uphillest of uphill battles
I assume you're in the matrix chat, but just in case you're not, join the matrix chat. So many lovely helpful people who are going through, or have gone through, all the same stuff. And some intimidatingly knowledgeable DIYers.
I am not, I wasn't aware there was one. Honestly I don't really do great with group chats and what have you (huge introvert, even online apparently) but I really appreciate the info ❤️
That's fair, and to be honest I'm recommending it as a massive introvert who doesn't participate nearly as much in conversation as I want to. Nonetheless, it's sort of nice just having those conversations taking place in my pocket all the time. I'm in the room overhearing the conversation even though I'm really not in it. Anyway, keep it in mind if you ever feel alone.
Well, I tried to join and I don't know if I got rejected or if Element just doesn't work great but I don't appear to have access to it 😅 Still, I appreciate your encouragement
Not belonging. Never knowing if who I am will stop me from getting the help I need.
When I left my ex, I needed state enforcement to stop him from hurting me again. Years later, I began dating a woman. It was terrifying to know that if someone doesn't like it, they can give him access to me or my daughter again. Has he gotten bored with us? No, unfortunately. Constant vigilance. No mistakes.
I work in a male dominated field. Which is hard enough as a woman. But I managed to keep being promoted. I was able to provide for my family. Until they found out I was gay. Then my reviews were lukewarm, I got shut out of important meetings, and there was no more opportunity for growth.
I lie on my paperwork for doctors now. I've had one gyno go from friendly to cold with me after asking about my partner. (I find it's best to always say you're single anyway, that way they don't seek permission from anyone you might be involved with.) I thought it was relevant because it was care for my genitals. But I can't trust it. I'm already ignored enough at the doctor. I don't need to give them even more reasons.
It shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't have to hide things about myself just to live.
Fr though, cishets have no idea how much basic fucking shit (that shouldn't) revolves around your sex life. Because they're the default and it skates without comment.
The rest of us? Suddenly it's social censure, half arsed medical care, wrecked careers, etc