this post was submitted on 14 Aug 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 8 points 22 hours ago

I work with a guy who went through something similar. He is ok now, very out and happy with his orientation but still will talk about it, and when he goes home for holidays they still are unaccepting. He's 40 something and they still have not come to terms with his gayness.

My daughter's girlfriend literally started crying one day "you guys are so accepting of me" she practically lives here because her parents are not. WTF, parents? I don't get this. I live my straight lady life, their lives are theirs, their sexual orientation has no effect on me, unless they like assholes, which they do not, all have great boy-or-girlfriends.

[–] Taleya@aussie.zone 12 points 1 day ago

Go to your room? drop an "ok boomer", this fucker sounds like he'd explode at it

[–] MehBlah@lemmy.world 76 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Ask him what kind of nursing home he wants to be abandoned at.

[–] Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Y'all are way more generous and less petty than I'd be tempted to be.

[–] SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 1 day ago (2 children)

A cardboard box can qualify as a nursing home as long as it's staffed by enough care roaches.

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[–] bitwolf@sh.itjust.works 36 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Tell him it's hereditary and that he must have the genes? Lol

[–] musubibreakfast@lemmy.world 24 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Tell him this. Homosexuality can develop later in life if you're not accepting of gay people. In an effort to protect you from gayness, your homofobic body will develop gay antibodies, in time these will alter your DNA by consuming your straight cells and turning you into a big ol' gay. The only way to prevent this from happening is to be open and welcoming towards all gay people.

[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I sucked a guys's dick to build immunity aginst gayness, did I do this right?

(I'm kidding lol, I'm still virgin)

[–] AnarchistArtificer@slrpnk.net 10 points 1 day ago

It does work, but because the antibodies wear off over time, it's necessary to regularly repeat the treatment. This is, in fact, a key driver of the success of Grindr

[–] El_guapazo@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

He got those good genes like that pants ad

[–] Zannsolo@lemmy.world 24 points 1 day ago

Just bide your time and wait for him to say that went by fast or time flies and hit him back with a hard f-word.

[–] EldenLord@lemmy.world 47 points 2 days ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (4 children)

People like Anon‘s dad are the reason why earth is still such a backward hillbilly place. Irrational disdain for harmless things like queerness, meanwhile actual problems and crimes like global warming, PFAS usage, genocide and corruption from top government officials are being ignored.

Fun fact: Humans are less socially intelligent than apes.

[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 16 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I'm from a family of immigrants, my parents complain about immigration.

Bitch, WE ARE IMMIGRANTS 🤦‍♂️

[–] SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Peak "fuck you, got mine". Same with my grandparents, they were anti-immigrant immigrants. Grandpa was also notoriously racist. I laughed so hard when some genome sequencing revealed a ton of sub-Saharan genes in that side of the family. My dad was about 25% African and Grandpa was hella dark. Now how could that be..?

[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (2 children)

No, I just like Tarantino movies lol.

The concept of racial purity is dumb everywhere, but it's especially dumb in the Mediterranean, where they had these things called "boats". There is just no way that an island smack in the middle of this shit wouldn't have DNA from all over the fucking place.

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[–] heyWhatsay@slrpnk.net 21 points 1 day ago
[–] 58008@lemmy.world 63 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Homophobe father deserves a Nobel Prize if his proposed sexuality-based time dilation is reproducible under lab conditions.

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[–] halvar@lemy.lol 140 points 2 days ago (1 children)

fake: anon has any relationship with his dad whatsoever

gay: gay

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[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 14 points 1 day ago

Q: What does that say about dad watching fishing on tv rather than doing it for real on the water?

A: The man has sucked every dick in town.

[–] diptchip@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

Honestly wouldn't acknowledge his existence. A younger version of myself would refuse to believe this was a true story and that people are like that. Now, I'm wise enough to choose my battles. Some people just aren't worth your time.

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 43 points 2 days ago

I love how asshole parents assume their health will always be okay, and they’ll never need any kind of home care or a place to live. BURNING BRIDGES IS MORE IMPORTANT!

[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 106 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Honestly, I think his dad is just a giant abusive piece of shit, who would just use any excuse to beat the shit out of his son.

[–] Lauchmelder@feddit.org 60 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Interesting, I think this dad is completely imaginary, as is so often the case with greentexts

[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 34 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Interesting, I think the father is an amalgamation of several real father responses summed into one

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[–] glorkon@lemmy.world 42 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

If you're in a situation like anon, get out of there as soon as you can. Always remember these moments. When your dad gets old and needs your help, tell him "only f*****s need their sons to do stuff for them".

[–] Fourth@mander.xyz 28 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I wonder what he would say if you told him that it's on him and must be in his blood too since he sired you.

[–] bitchkat@lemmy.world 13 points 2 days ago (3 children)

You think the dad doesn't believe it's a choice?

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[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 71 points 2 days ago (1 children)

And his mom says nothing. Thanks for being a complicant piece of shit anon's mom.

[–] Aneb@lemmy.world 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

My mom went a step further and told me I would never be in a happy and fulfilling relationship if I choose to date men

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 44 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I can only assume she spoke from experience

[–] Aneb@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Facts! my Dad's an asshole who sent me to conversion camp. I'm so fucked up and I now only function on great amounts of THC

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 hour ago

Ouch. Hope you can find some happiness despite that. If only to spite the idiots.

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[–] Chivera@lemmy.world 49 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Just have sex with your dad already. Remove the sexual tension.

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[–] trk@aussie.zone 57 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Time flies when you're a faggot

My sides

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[–] dharmacurious@slrpnk.net 20 points 2 days ago

The obvious answer is to invite over the biggest, burliest bear you can imagine, get him to befriend your dad and make your dad think you've finally made a "real man" friend, and then fuck the bear in the ass in front of dad. Assert dominance. Are you a faggot? Absolutely. Faggots can dominate the manliest of men.

[–] AppleTea@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 day ago (5 children)
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[–] blackstampede@sh.itjust.works 24 points 2 days ago

I haven't been called a faggot before, but when I've been insulted in this sort of casual, out-of-nowhere way, I've found that responding with "go fuck yourself" in a calm tone of voice and then continuing my conversation to be effective.

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 39 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Fake: anon spends time with his parents

Gay: time flies for anon

[–] graycube@lemmy.world 30 points 2 days ago

Go fishing until they are dead. Time will fly by.

[–] lobut@lemmy.ca 23 points 2 days ago (2 children)

According to the right-wing, "oh what, you wanna outlaw comedy now? it's just a joke you snowflake!"

If you're not offended by the father's comments, just change the offending word to whatever you are. If you think nothing's wrong with it, it could be worth learning why

I got picked on a lot as a kid. What it did was make me hyper sensitive to other people's insecurities. I would see you and think: weight, race, bad at school, has a crush on X. I'd memorize it and put it in my back pocket and just dig at someone when they'd take a shot at me. It was a horribly daunting way to live because you're never really enjoying the moment.

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[–] mastod0n@lemmy.world 26 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I'm not saying you should break your dad's nose but standing up to him like the kind of (toxic?) man he would accept would probably change his attitude.

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