This is framing what should be normal communication for everyone as a test for for men.
(Michael Jordan meme.jpg)
Stop it get some help
this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2025
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I fear I must be simple after having read this, thought on it for more than a day, carefully considered how it relates to me.. and after all that time I must admit that I do not understand it. Is to know a man to be hurt by him? Is it that common? I feel as though I'm completely missing a part something that others seem to have.
To know a person is to be hurt by them because no one is perfect.
The point isn't the hurt, the point is the way they react to talking about it, and whether they're even willing to acknowledge it.
I strongly disagree with the assumption that every person you know, has hurt you in some way.
I know several people who have never caused me any harm. Whether I am/was in a relationship with them or not. And I can pretty much guarantee they feel the same way.
I've had relationships that fizzled out so thoroughly that both of us kind of forgot we were in a relationship at all and months later we caught up with eachother and we both liked at eachother and said, well, I guess we're not a couple anymore..... We stayed friends. Nobody got hurt.
Idk. There are ways to behave and act that prevent these kinds of things. Having high quality people in your life helps.
Don't get me wrong, I know I'm incredibly fortunate to be in the position I'm in and not everyone can say the same. But the idea that it is impossible to know someone without being hurt by them, to me, is not the case. However unlikely, it is possible.
Conflict is natural and inevitable in any relationship. The only way two people never hurt each other is to never depend on each other, never be close enough to impinge on each other, never share truths with each other, never share resources with each other. In other words, to forego anything that might make it tangibly a relationship in the first place. And even that is no guarantee.
We are social animals. That means we live in a constant superposition of cooperation and competition with everyone we ever meet. There is a tension in all relationships that you fail to recognize.
Thanks for the social commentary jerkface.
I have my fair share of disagreements with everyone I know, the aforementioned conflict you have suggested.
The difference is that me, and the group of people I've cultivated as my friends, family, and partners, discuss things productively, rather than bicker and argue.
As a result, we reach productive outcomes that don't trample everyone's feelings.
I'm sorry that you do not have that kind of relationship in your life. If you did, you would recognize that conflict and disagreement do not need to end with harm to either party.
As you said, you've had conflict with them. That's really what I'm getting at. Not that every person you know will hurt you deeply, but simply that maintaining human relationships means that sometimes, you will fail to respect each others boundaries, often unknowingly. It's those moments that cause the friction you're referring to.
If you want another way to look at it, what the image in the OP is really saying, is that you can tell a lot about someone by talking to them about their part in those moments of friction, when they didn't respect your boundary (whether or not they did so knowingly). Do they listen to you, and take what you're saying onboard, or do they discount what you're saying and disregard the boundary you communicate?
Notably, that's also a really good light to shine on our own reactions from time to time.
Your original statement was that by knowing someone, you have been hurt by them. I presume that requires some amount of timeline which is undefined (that's not the point so I'll move on).
That is literally what you said. Yet now, you're not taking about hurt, you're taking about friction, disagreement, as if that will, in all cases, cause hurt.
You're qualifying your statements so much they're saying something different than your original point. You're moving the goal posts.
If I continue to argue with you, implying I accept that you've moved the goal posts and your point is still somehow valid, then it would be impossible for me to "win" in this discussion.
I refuse.
By moving the goal posts, I assert that you are unable to prove your absolute point that everyone has been hurt by the people that they know, so you are altering your statement to something more reasonable that is a more easily defensible position. You have given up your original point and you are trying to convince me that this new statement is equivalent to your original statement.
No thanks.
Have a good day.
People fight, disagree and cross each other boundaries. Sometimes seriously, sometimes not. That's the hurt I was talking about. It happens in every single relationship at some point. And talking about those moments with people is a useful litmus test.
In a really healthy relationship, those moments don't escalate, simmer or build up, because they're talking about and addressed. In an unhealthy relationship, even the little ones build up over time, because they're not addressed.
And if you are talking to someone about one of those moments, and they always want to ignore it, push back against it or simply change the topic, then that tells you something meaningful about how healthy your relationship with that person is.
Still not the original argument. But please, keep digging.
I think this discussion stands out as an example of the types of reactions the post was referring to...
I think the idea is that an emotionally mature man would be able to recognize how he hurt you, or at least be able to respond to that question with a certain level of maturity and reasonableness even if he is not aware how he hurt you.
Meanwhile, the implication is that an emotionally immature man is likely to blow up at you or otherwise react poorly when asked to explain how he hurt you.
unrelated, but the angle of the light creates so much dimension to the writing, it looks like the pen was pressed deep into the paper and it's so satisfying and distracting, omg
So put him in some stressful test situation to satisfy your curiousity?
Hey lord, thanks for popping in! We're a trans inclusive women's only group, and ask men not to comment. Please see the rules at the top for more info ❤️
Lord took the gender bait. It's pretty inevitable you will get unwelcome posters when bait posts like this appear on all.
PS: I'm gender undeclared. I won't be offended if you ask me to leave as I invite people to perceive me however they are more comfortable, but I hope it's a struggle for you.
Nowhere is it stated that it is a lie. Why do you assume that?
Guilty conscience, usually.
Could this be true for everyone? Although, admittedly, women probably have had more opportunity to develop this skill over the course of their life.
True, I think most people are quick to defend themselves, even if they do understand and acknowledge how they hurt someone. Can be frustrating but I hear out people's defensive points as long as they can work on ways to reduce hurt in the future. But I, being a man, rarely bring up things that may have hurt me. My feelings can duke it out in the bottle! (unless it's a big deal)
Hey Pothetato (cool name) thanks for giving us your lived experience! We are women only so please don't comment again and have a nice Sunday 🥰
Another man chiming in here, we see posts from this community on our "all" feed frequently. Many of us don't assume communities have gender restrictions. Would it be possible to get that rule included in posts text so we know about it when dropping in from all?
PieFed has a feature that pops up telling people it's a women's only community before they reply, so any PieFed users see it. It would be wonderful if Lemmy supported the feature, but as of yet, it does not
Thanks fire, we tried that before but we found it was a red rag to a bull with the incel types. They attacked us far more overall. And we are women only so please dont comment again 🥰
But ... but ... but ... he's a MAN! Obviously he thought of something none of the mentally deficient women who post here have thought of and possibly even TRIED! It was IMPORTANT that he break the rules to tell us how to do things the Right Way™!
🙄
Wow. Your comments and personality do nothing to help your cause.
And another man who thinks his (trite, oft-repeated, boring) thoughts are so important he has to break rules to express them.
Yep. These men are real heroes.
Z I get the annoyance totally, but cool down the comments to them.
You hurt me
It's absolutely true for everyone. Some more than others.