Parenting

In the US our child started going at 6 weeks old. Daycare (and now preschool) is just as normal to her as being at home. Especially since in her three years she’s probably had over a dozen different teachers. She’s learned to warm up to new people and situations quickly.

I also work in an elementary school. (5 to 11 years old). I see kids that didn’t go to school at all before coming to us. Even some are homeschooled for a few years before starting school. I can usually tell the difference between kids who went to some kind of preschool (3-4 year old program, even part time) and who hasn’t. It’s not always a bad thing but it’s a harder adjustment for those kids.

Drop child off at daycare.

Child may cry. Child may be sad for a short time. Child is not in any actual danger and will get over it. Repeat the next day. Next day, child cries less. Child is sad for shorter amount of time. Child is still not in any actual danger. Repeat the next day.

Your kids are going to cry sometimes. That's life. You can not protect them from everything, and trying to will cause more long-term emotional damage than just having them learn early on that things can not always be absolutely perfect

Gradually over a few days? Not over weeks or months, no.

Just a heads up that while temporary separation anxiety is common, it can actually be a disorder (separation anxiety disorder) and if you're concerned your kid is unusual in this respect you should talk to a child psychologist.

There is effective treatment available once diagnosed (fluoxetine is amazing and could make a massive difference)

My pov: working in a kindergarten in Finland.

It's really up to the parents but very few took advantage of the option to stay with their kids the whole time for weeks on end.

Anyhow, most of the time, however clingy and teary the kid is, they come around a few minutes after the parent left and start having a good time.
Parents need to be told this, encouraged to let go just like the kids.
And then it depends how the parents react when they pick their kid up: do they fuss, do they have a bad conscience, do they even ask the kid if it was sad, in other words, do they enforce and even reward the clinging, or do they encourage them to take their first steps into independence?

I'm not saying it isn't hard for kids, going to kindergarten for the first time. Social pressure, stress. But it's harder if parents are very protective and/or the kid had very little contact with other kids until then.

No idea what the situation is like where you live, but I'd go mad if I had 10 kids + 10 parents during the whole day for a whole week.

edit: hmm, this is also age dependent. I was working with kids 3 and up.

My kid has been going to daycare 3 days a week since he was 4 months old and we had to get back to work. There was no need to get him used to it. We just brought him. Mum had a harder time adjusting than he did 😄

In Germany, my kid had one or two weeks of slowly getting used to the kindergarten. We were a bit pushing for a faster track and the kid had a blast from day 1 (they were 4 months when they started on going 5 days a week, 6h/day). We were encouraged to stay with the kid only the first day or two.

France was even quicker: the whole process lasted 3 days (a visit of an hour with parent, 3 hours, 4 hours with nap, full day) at 18 months.

I heard from a friend in Austria that the process took a full month and a half! And it was considered quick. My friend was going out of his mind juggling everything.

1st day: Maybe stay all day or until lunch?
2nd day: Come back for lunch
1st week: Come back for lunch on Friday

Beyond maybe weekly or monthly lunches, ideally from retired grandparents or shift-workers such as myself, I got nothing.

Dragging it out is almost always harder on everyone, including stay-at-home parents, but good luck getting them to admit that, or the teachers to admit when a parent is disruptive. The helicoptering and overly-pushy PTA/drama non-sense starts here.

In Poland my mom brought us to the Kindergarten one day and me and my younger sister had to stay there because she had to go to work. My sister was allowed to visit me if she felt lonely but other than that there was nothing extra.

In Germany we stayed a couple of hours with my step daughter the first day and after that she just stayed there alone without problems.

Here in Korea I brought my son the first day and he stayed only for one hour, next day for three hours and after that 6 hours.

In Australia you do a visit and stay in the centre to check it out with your child. Next visit is short, and you leave your child for maybe 1 hour. If all good next time usually a half day or two, and then full days. My daughter has been 1 day a week since 3 months old (though is also in sessional Kinder now 3 days a week x 5 hours). Here there is reasonably well funded early learning, but the sector does have some major issues. I've been very happy with my centre and my daughter is happy enough there, though she prefers sessional Kinder.

In Japan they ramp up the time the kid is in the daycare over a week or two. But the parent doesn't stay in the daycare.

Hey there, The models for starting in a kindergarten in Germany have a simple reason: Stuffing your 1 to 5 old into a completely strange surrounding with 11 to 24 other completely strange children with 2 to 4 (or even more) completely strange adults with a completely strange daily routine and for your kid for a completely unforseeable timeframe is bound to cause issues for your child. Especially if your child was not prepared beforehand by spending time without you (grandparents f.e) and/or time with other children.

The time it takes your kid to adjust to the new setting depends highly on the professionals you are working with, your attitude in that setting (f.e. Anxiety, curiosity) and the mindset of your child. There might be anxious children with strangers, there might be exploring types of kids and a whole lot in between.

Studies say and from my personal experience they are right: if you give your kid time to adjust and trust the new setting it will be emotionally stronger later on. For example in situations where things don’t work out as they planned or they are scared or hurt.

Of course the professionals will try and probably can make your kid happy for a set timeframe if you just drop it off in a strange environment and fuck off. That’s their job. And your kid will learn to cope over time.

But how on earth is your kid supposed to earn a deep sense of security and trust if you - for your kid - can just randomly drop them off somewhere and come back after an incomprehensible timeframe? But your child will not as well and deeply learn to trust, adjust and manage that way.

That being said, if it takes you months without a setback by illness or something like that, something is going wrong. Talk to the professionals about that and what their current goal is.

I‘m just doing it with our second Child in Germany, around here we‘re more at two to three weeks. But that‘s from staying there with the child all the way to child stays there alone and also naps and eats there. But Both our children love it so it was probably quite easy for us.

Talked to them about it 🤷‍♂️? They love it, not sure what else you'd actually do.