this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 18 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

evangelicals obsession with the raptures, when they havnt done any good in society.

[–] niktemadur@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Then every time the rapture doesn't happen, it's like these people have an integrated Memory Reset Button, so they don't have to PUSH and modify their beliefs and superstitions, I mean... god forbid, that would require... (shudder)... making an effort. And we can't have THAT, now can we?

[–] UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 5 points 6 days ago

They said sorry to their imaginary friend for all the bad things they always do. One heaven please! 🙏

[–] Itdidnttrickledown@lemmy.world 12 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

Just leave me behind. Thinking about it someone needs to do a pro rapture movie where all the people left behind live in peace now that god has taken them all away. Can you imagine the shit that would get thrown around by these dipshits if that movie hit the net?

[–] bigbabybilly@lemmy.world 8 points 6 days ago

Skipped over again. Thank god.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 7 points 6 days ago

I hope it's a lot of them. Religious psychos are a scourge on humanity. The fewer the better.

[–] SuDmit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 4 days ago
[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 7 points 6 days ago

I'm at work, so I probably got sent to hell

I don't think I w

[–] FreddiesLantern@leminal.space 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Leviticus commands us to stone the false prophets.

These assholes are just out for free weed.

[–] LemmyKnowsBest@lemmy.world 1 points 5 days ago

All the false prophets are currently unavailable for comment because they've been high AF the last couple days.

[–] chuckleslord@lemmy.world 8 points 6 days ago
[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 5 points 6 days ago

Me.

...

I got better.

[–] Simulation6@sopuli.xyz 3 points 6 days ago

The rapture happened and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago

Who up rapturing their it?

[–] PolydoreSmith@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago

Lemme tell ya, I have never been more raptured!

Props on the username, OP

[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago

Maybe next time

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago
[–] A_Chilean_Cyborg@feddit.cl 2 points 6 days ago

I had to get out of bed to go to work, does that count?

[–] Nikls94@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago

I got rap[tur]ed again

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 117 points 1 week ago (3 children)

My favourite theory of the rapture

It already happened .... no one noticed because no one was taken up.

[–] MNByChoice@midwest.social 17 points 6 days ago

With a hard cap of 144,000 in Heaven, the rapture happened already.

[–] Ryktes@lemmy.world 35 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Isn't the rapture supposed to be like... the first step of the apocalypse? Cause I'm lookin around at the state of things right now and uh....

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 5 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

No plagues, no zombies, no demons. All these things are supposed to come before the rapture part. The rapture is literally the last part, not the first. It happens on the 7th trumpet blast.

[–] Ryktes@lemmy.world 9 points 6 days ago

We got covid, krok addicts, and republicans, it's close enough.

[–] DrSoap@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago

There have been plagues and demons for sure. Some of these politicians are definitely demons in skin suits. I just don't know about zombies. But we are close.

[–] MeatPilot@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Yup, the skull fucking imps will be a part of the first wave of demons. Should get used to wearing helmets now to protect your skull.

[–] Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

How can I make my skussy more appealing to the imps?

[–] MeatPilot@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago

Don't wear a hat and keep your ears clean.

[–] interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 week ago (2 children)
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[–] FreshParsnip@lemmy.ca 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Or so few people were taken up that it just amounted to a few missing person's cases

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 11 points 6 days ago (1 children)

It's all the missing prostitutes from around the world, which is either heartwarming or horrifying depending on your level of trust in theoretical God.

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 4 points 6 days ago

May I offer you my very warm hole for a few minutes? Its only $5.99! Its for a good cause!

[–] supersquirrel@sopuli.xyz 48 points 1 week ago

HECK YES LETS GET RAPTORED AF

reads closer

Wait what?

raptor sauce

https://www.artstation.com/artwork/qYY5L

[–] RedSeries@lemmy.blahaj.zone 40 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I got raptured but forgot I left the oven on so I came back and now they won't let me back in.

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[–] T00l_shed@lemmy.world 26 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (7 children)

I missed something were we supposed to be raptured today?

[–] ericatty@infosec.pub 5 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Maybe you, but definitely not me.

[–] T00l_shed@lemmy.world 2 points 6 days ago

Jooooin ussss

[–] IndridCold@lemmy.ca 25 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] T00l_shed@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Fuck... I had it in my calendar for next Tuesday

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[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 1 week ago (6 children)

I wish... Would probably solve the American fascism problem overnight when all the Christians vanish

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[–] IndridCold@lemmy.ca 15 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

I got raptured but I was hung up on my bedsheets and just floated in the bedroom for 20 minutes. I guess I'll have to catch the next one.

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