You don't fuck around with geese. This is a very credible defence.
this post was submitted on 12 Oct 2025
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Yup. They have no fear and will fuck you up. Swans too.
They actually generally don't fuck people up themselves, most goose or swan related injuries are due to people panicking and hurting themselves.
At the end of the day, they're still birds - they have hollow bones and will come out worse from any serious confrontation with an adult human.
Finally someone with actual first hand goose fighting experience.
Yes, but also its illegal to kill a goose.
And I'm pretty sure someone told the geese.
Besides people panicking and hurting themselves, the only real risk a goose actually poses to an adult is if they get a cut. Those things are riddled with bacteria. Disinfect the cut and you're fine.
Swans are terrifyingly big too. They're obviously scary like a tank. Geese seem small and harmless, like an IED.
Swans: can break a man's arm or blow up a man's house.
Why do you think the US failed to weaponise them and only got so far as Pigeons.
Feeding the geese at the pond just outside the school cafeteria was one of the few offenses I actually agreed with being as seriously punishable as it was. Those things would occasionally injure students when they thought they were gonna get more food out of it.
And emus
Emus will steal your lunch, they're not violent. The emu war would better be termed the failed emu massacre (the soldiers had trouble hitting them with machine guns as they are mostly feathers)
If you want an Aussie bird to be afraid of cassowaries have killed people. Drunk people, but I think that's only because only drunk people think it might be a good idea to fuck with the dinosaurs. A cassowary would likely win against a sober person too
You just triggered the aussies' PTSD
That's the entire reason they invented the Air Force, to level the playing field but unfortunately we are still losing:
"240 goose–aircraft collisions in the United States each year."
Typical air force, always over briefing things, a Naruto run should be more than enough to deter any geese...
Over briefing?
...a pimp's love is very different from that of a square.
Meanwhile I put my hands in my sweatshirt pockets (zip-up sweatshirt, not pull-over) and flap them like wings while slow-running at them, yelling and stomping each step. Basically do what they do, but I’m bigger.
I look insane, but they fuck right off, since it’s all signals they understand.
I used to work at a place that had a sitting pond right against the building with walkways across it and stuff and that was the only way out to the back parking lot.. there were always geese.. I got fed up and tried that once when I was having a bad day, and it both worked and made me feel a ton better.
The "Unclassified" in the corner is the icing on the cake. Like, either someone had to make the decision on the classification level appropriate for goose confrontations or somewhere there exists a more detailed, unredacted version that has national security implications.
somewhere there exists a more detailed, unredacted version that has national security implications.
I am convinced this is the case. I don't need evidence.
I love that the official advice, from the US Air Force to their brave airmen and women, is to retreat from the angry bird.
Don't run though, that leads to getting routed!
Seriously though, the advice given is solid and exactly how I behave around geese and have never had an incident.
Sometimes, discretion is the greater part of valour. This is one of those times.
Just remember, don't protect your throat or face. They really don't like that.
Avians win wars. We learned from Australia's poor choices. Don't fight the dinosaurs
Doesn't the Air Force have F-16 Fighting Falcons (birds) to scare away/hunt the geese?
Hold the line. Hold!
(Distant honking)
ALL IS LOST RETREAT!!!
I'd just pull it under my armpit, and take it home.
"You are my dinosaur now!"
❤️
- ~~rake in the lake~~
So why is it the US Airforce, but also UoWaterloo?
Clearly the University of Waterloo is working with the US military.
Yeah, it's just weird that it wouldn't be via our own air force or NORAD.
Was there like an open bid on goose self-defence guides? Lol.
I'm sure whoever made the slides just stole the bottom picture from the U of Waterloo website:
https://bulletin.uwaterloo.ca/2013/apr/12fr.html
Ah, it's part of the picture! That makes more sense.
Gotta be prepared from the insider threat from the Canada Air Force /s
The woke mind vahrus that Trumplethinskin warned us about. /s