this post was submitted on 20 Jan 2024
561 points (99.0% liked)

Not The Onion

17201 readers
1115 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
all 38 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] kautau@lemmy.world 182 points 2 years ago

After the Guardian queried the process, the DfE said it would make an exception and decouple McGrath’s name from the deceased’s so that she would not be contacted about it again.

“We’re not gonna stop doing this to anyone else, just this one woman who went to the news.”

[–] SpicyAnt@mander.xyz 82 points 2 years ago (6 children)

“In November I had received two letters from Teachers’ Pensions asking me euphemistically if I was dead,”

I am curious about how one euphemistically asks someone if they are dead. Any guess?

[–] squirmy_wormy@lemmy.world 107 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Dear Mrs McGrath,

Are you napping or are you taking "the big sleep"?

Sincerely, The teachers pension

[–] RobotToaster@mander.xyz 47 points 2 years ago

We are writing to enquire as to the current status of your mitochondria.

[–] cafeinux@infosec.pub 31 points 2 years ago

Did you recently (or less recently) stop breathing for more than 10 minutes, and if so, are you or not a professional freediver?

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 23 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

"Naah maaan!"

[–] 520@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Mocking Query: Coorta, Coorta, are you dead yet?

[–] vrojak@kbin.social 2 points 2 years ago

"I thought you had died of old age."
"Died? No. Became stronger? Yes."

[–] Hamartiogonic@sopuli.xyz 1 points 1 year ago
  • Is anybody there?

  • No.

  • Ok, that’s good. For a moment I thought there could be a could be a stabby knife murderer hiding in the closet.

  • Nope, there’s no one here.

You can guess how the story ends…

[–] DirigibleProtein@aussie.zone 71 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I keep getting letters/bills/credit cards from banks, insurance, all sorts, for people who used to live here but moved away more than five years ago. I was sending them back with Not at this address / Return to sender written on them, but they’re still arriving.

Once I started writing Deceased - Return to sender, I stopped getting letters for people who no longer live here.

AITA? Could this be my fault?

[–] JCreazy@midwest.social 24 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

No I have the same thing happen to me. I moved into a new house about 2 and 1/2 years ago and I still receive mail from a previous owner and not even the last owner like four owners ago. I was writing return to sender, not at address but they just kept coming. Maybe if I start writing deceased they'll get the hints to stop sending them and then if that messes things up for the person that's supposed to be getting the mail, they should have had their address change when they moved so it's their responsibility.

[–] NABDad@lemmy.world 23 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I've been living in my house for 26 years and we still occasionally get mail for previous residents.

[–] Dkarma@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

I'm still getting their fucking medication. Lazy ass boomers.

[–] pearsaltchocolatebar@discuss.online 7 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I just throw it away. It's been 7 years, so that's on the previous owners if it's something important.

[–] pankkake@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I believe in the States it's considered a federal crime to throw someone else's mail away. It's probably a crime in other countries too.

Oh well, I'm going to keep doing it anyway. If it was one year I'd handle it differently, but it's been 7.

[–] painfulasterisk@lemmy.world 54 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Well, I guess here response should be to forward all her bills to the pension administrator, such as mortgage, utilities, groceries, petro, etc. If she's dead, then why should be paying for items that only the "living" enjoys?

[–] Darkassassin07@lemmy.ca 13 points 2 years ago (1 children)

For some reason the attendant at the gas station wouldn't accept my pension managers phone number as payment... Maybe the cashier at wallmart will be more understanding.

[–] ADTJ@feddit.uk 4 points 2 years ago

Previous comment said forward the bills, not invoice the pension manager

[–] Carighan@lemmy.world 50 points 2 years ago (2 children)
[–] cynar@lemmy.world 15 points 2 years ago

At least until the last time, then you need an alternative note.

(It's also a discworld reference, for those who are confused)

[–] PsychedSy@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Nothing hobnail boots and hat pins can't fix.

[–] SirSamuel@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

There are always three. The Mother, the Maiden, and the… other one.

[–] ignotum@lemmy.world 47 points 2 years ago
[–] Kna@lemmy.world 40 points 2 years ago

For anyone in th UK who has just read the pensions are administered by Capita, this is no fucking surprise.

[–] Bluefalcon@discuss.tchncs.de 17 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Fuck you, you ol' bitch! We aren't fallin for that again. With your walking around and being live. You're dead.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Just because you walk around doesn't mean you're alive. For all we know you're a zombie.

[–] Bluefalcon@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Can you prove you're not a zombie?

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 2 points 1 year ago

Is a demilich technically a zombie? 🤔

[–] londos@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I mean, with respect, has anyone confirmed that she isn't Chuck Grassley?

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] NeroC_Bass@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 years ago

Wow now there's a flashback

[–] jkmooney@kbin.social 6 points 2 years ago
[–] jackpot@lemmy.ml 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

wait, is the title wrong? the provider thinks she IS dead right?

[–] conciselyverbose@kbin.social 20 points 2 years ago

They refuse to believe her statement "I'm not dead". The title is kind of convoluted, but not wrong.