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Missouri rule change would allow senators to challenge each other to a duel (www.newsweek.com)

submitted 9 months ago by ZeroCool@slrpnk.net to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

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[-] TootSweet@lemmy.world 162 points 9 months ago

If a senator's honor is impugned by another senator to the point that it is beyond repair and in order for the offended senator to gain satisfaction, such senator may rectify the perceived insult to the senator's honor by challenging the offending senator to a duel.

The Republican who introduced this bill did so because his feelings were hurt. Wait, who are the snowflakes again?

[-] Neato@ttrpg.network 50 points 9 months ago

And what happens when the Democrat tells him to fuck off?

The first rule of dueling was that a challenge to duel between two gentleman could not generally be refused without the loss of face and honor

"lol" said the Democrat, "lmao".

[-] OneCardboardBox@lemmy.sdf.org 19 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

In truth, there were several reasons that one could decline a duel without loss of honor. For example if the duel challenge was issued with obvious quarrelous intent.

Eg:

"You're a liar"

"No I'm not. What are you talking about?"

"Ah, so you deny being a liar?"

"Yes, wtf are you getting at?"

"Then by your denial, you accuse me of being a liar! This insult shall not stand. I demand satisfaction."

"Lol, fuck off"

Another case would be if one duelist was not of sufficient station to match the honor of their opponent. A freshly-minted bourgeoisie vs a nobleman, for example.

Lastly, duels might be turned down if it were obvious to all that that a significant skill mismatch were at play. For example, a military officer might not be allowed to duel a civilian with sabres. Guns, however, were generally considered more egalitarian.

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[-] magnetosphere@kbin.social 99 points 9 months ago

Politicians want to harm each other directly instead of harming millions indirectly? Fuck it, let em.

[-] AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world 29 points 9 months ago

I think it's more of a "yes and" kind of thing.

[-] JJROKCZ@lemmy.world 17 points 9 months ago

More like they want to kill democrat or further left opponents we the people of the cities in Missouri (STL&KC) put up against them with impunity. They’ll just claim a duel was called and murder them

[-] magnetosphere@kbin.social 11 points 9 months ago

Some of them will overestimate themselves. It won’t be a Democrat-only bloodbath.

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[-] PunnyName@lemmy.world 14 points 9 months ago

More like, "I want to harm them, but not the other way around" kind of thing.

[-] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 7 points 9 months ago

Hey, if they’re hurting and killing each other instead of us, that’s a win.

[-] Takios@feddit.de 5 points 9 months ago

It won't be an "instead" though. Duelling will be used to get rid of those rare politicians that actually want to help people or improve the system.

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[-] HocEnimVeni@lemmy.world 93 points 9 months ago

Alexander Hamilton called out Aaron Burr for defrauding new york city and died in a duel as a result. Aaron Burr was justified having won the duel and used the money to start J.P. Morgan bank and now we all have to pay $30 for being $0.01 overdrawn.

[-] Aatube@kbin.social 42 points 9 months ago

Ackshtually, Burr founded what became the Chase part of it, and the duel was over five years after that.

[-] whostosay@lemmy.world 26 points 9 months ago

I love a good akkshually, well done

[-] Buffaloaf@lemmy.world 19 points 9 months ago

Hamilton was a federalist that started the Bank of New York

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[-] Sanctus@lemmy.world 11 points 9 months ago

This should be higher in the list. This is a repeat the past moment, not a bad guys killing each other moment.

[-] trevwilson@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago

Lol what? JP Morgan was started, unsurprisingly, by JP Morgan

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[-] EdibleFriend@lemmy.world 43 points 9 months ago

.... Why do I support this. Why did I instantly say okay this is good?

[-] AllonzeeLV@lemmy.world 25 points 9 months ago

Bad guys killing bad guys?

[-] Zorque@kbin.social 24 points 9 months ago

If it ever actually got used, it'd be bad guys killing good guys (yes, they exist despite boomer level "All government is bad" bullshit) instead.

[-] Neato@ttrpg.network 9 points 9 months ago

You can refuse a duel. If the other person persists, it's straight murder. The penalty for refusing a duel is loss of "honor". Which you can't really lose if your opponent is challenging you to a fucking duel in 2024.

[-] EdibleFriend@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago

And maybe even on video!

[-] JJROKCZ@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago

It’s almost guaranteed that they’ll be calling duels only against the democrats we in STL or KC send to the state government. They probably won’t even bother trying to get witnesses to attest a duel was agreed by both sides, they’ll just murder Cori Bush or others for existing and claim a duel was called, then get away with it.

[-] iiGxC@slrpnk.net 29 points 9 months ago

If they want to do the dirty work for us 🤷

[-] thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org 29 points 9 months ago

make it sabers, like real fucking men

[-] xx3rawr@sh.itjust.works 10 points 9 months ago

Yugi, you idiot. We're not dueling with weapons. We are dueling with cards!

[-] Frozengyro@lemmy.world 4 points 9 months ago

Also why not allow any two parties to duel?

[-] Neato@ttrpg.network 31 points 9 months ago

Dueling is barbaric and can often start blood feuds: a cycle of violence. It's also a bad way to settle a dispute. The person best at shooting others has no correlation to how well their position was or whether the fault or insult should stand. Also killing for an insult is juvenile. There's lots of other real reasons history outlawed it, as well.

[-] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 5 points 9 months ago

Sure, but I bet it'd make the system more entertaining.

[-] PraiseTheSoup@lemm.ee 6 points 9 months ago

One step closer to "Ow My Balls"

[-] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 5 points 9 months ago

I think a refereed cage match is a good compromise

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[-] FartsWithAnAccent@lemmy.world 25 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I want to see two senators duel with a couple of trout as weapons, whoever gets knocked down first loses.

No shoving, the knockdown must be accomplished with the trout and the trout alone.

Just two grown adults slapping each other with fish.

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[-] pinkdrunkenelephants@lemmy.cafe 23 points 9 months ago

I see nothing wrong with this. Let them kill each other.

[-] force@lemmy.world 22 points 9 months ago

DO IT

[-] FireTower@lemmy.world 19 points 9 months ago

Who are we to deny two consenting adults?

[-] JJROKCZ@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago

Guarantee it’s just Jeff co fascists wanting to kill the politicians voted forth by those of us in STL or KC. I’d bet $100 they’ll kill a democrat and claim a duel was called but there will be no witnesses from both sides to back it up.

Well I would bet but Missouri has fucking archaic gambling laws thanks to these fuckheads.

[-] w3dd1e@lemm.ee 4 points 9 months ago

It’s weird. When I moved from KS to MO, MO was less crazy but now that I’m here it feels like KS is calming down and MO is now losing its shit with all this stupidity.

Am I the problem?

(I know KS isn’t perfect either but they just seem less bananas, lately; with the gambling and abortions and what not)

[-] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 16 points 9 months ago

Man, they are really rolling back the clock. What’s next, bloodletting? Alchemy?

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[-] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 14 points 9 months ago

Let that shit ride

[-] neptune@dmv.social 13 points 9 months ago

Sounds good for TV ratings I guess.

[-] FartsWithAnAccent@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago

Yeah, CSPAN just got waaaay more watchable.

[-] blahsay@lemmy.world 12 points 9 months ago

This is terrible! It's 2024!

It should be a laser chainsaw battle in mechas

[-] ChonkyOwlbear@lemmy.world 12 points 9 months ago

I'm all for it. You think assholes like Ted Cruz would still be around if this was the norm?

[-] shalafi@lemmy.world 19 points 9 months ago

“If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you,”

Senator Graham

[-] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 11 points 9 months ago

Wait, I don't think that's what he meant when he said he wanted to swordfight other guys.

[-] RobotToaster@mander.xyz 10 points 9 months ago

[-] tslnox@reddthat.com 10 points 9 months ago

[-] finthechat@kbin.social 7 points 9 months ago

Yeah and modernize the rules: they get ARs instead of those old dueling pistols

[-] shalafi@lemmy.world 9 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

I'm DOWN! Some rules:

Any AR-15 platform acceptable. Plain Jane Colt, Gucci'd out custom rig, top-line Daniel Defense, don't care. 16", 20", 24" barrel, whatever. Standard AR, standard controls, etc.
No mag capacity limit. (Some idiot would roll with a 50-round mag, get jammed and smeared.)
100 paces. Make 'em walk it out for max drama.
Iron sights only. Red-dots are almost IRL aim-bots. Make 'em work for it.
No cover, no armor. Make 'em fight. Looking for a test of manhood here.

So how are we handling seconds? Just let them choose anyone for the role? Sounds fair.

[-] tryptaminev@feddit.de 7 points 9 months ago

On the contrary. The duel should be fought only with a rapier. I don't want Fatty McCorruption Face (R) win because the MIC gave him the latest shiny, for helping sell guns to the cartels or whatever.

They want to duel? They think they have it in them to rectify their "honor" this way? Make them work for it.

[-] DontTreadOnBigfoot@lemmy.world 6 points 9 months ago

Cassius Marcellus Clay's dick just twitched a bit in his grave...

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this post was submitted on 25 Jan 2024

578 points (99.3% liked)

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