"Remove the label"

They don't give a shit about your stolen items, and 9/10 times it's a complete waste to even contact them over "petty theft", regardless of how valuable the item/s are to you.

When I was in college, my apartment got broken into. The cop that came when I called was less than helpful. Some highlights:

• He immediately argued with me that the crowbar marks on the door frame must have been there before.
• I told him about the TV that was stolen and he bragged that he had two TVs that were larger than that.
• He tried to bust me for weed when he saw my hookah. I had to explain to him that it was in fact not a bong and was only used for tobacco.
• He mentioned that if it were him robbing me, he would have stolen the microwave instead.
• As he was leaving, he told me that they wouldn't be able to catch whoever did it, so they weren't going to look.

We're undoubtedly in the midst of another mass extinction, caused by human activity. Here's another one that will freak you out:

The data is all there, but there may be a slight issue with the formatting.

Wake me up when dope and rad re-enter the lexicon.

K-pop agencies are reportedly keen to promote their stars as romantically obtainable, while in Japan many pop stars have "no dating" clauses in their contracts.

Wouldn't being banned from dating make you the opposite of "romantically obtainable"?

An evolutionary biologist might argue that all of these are done in the service of being able to have sex:

• Gotta make money so I can live comfortably and keep having sex.
• Gotta defend my country because all of the women who want to have sex with me live there.
• Man, chicks dig firefighters. I'm gonna have so much sex.

Having a gun for self defense fucks with your head. When my wife and I lived in a relatively rural area, I used to keep a shotgun under our bed for protection, but I eventually got rid of it. Never shot it a single time, but you'd better believe every time I cleaned it or moved it or just remembered I had it, I was imagining the horrible situation I might be forced to use it in. That shit low key fucked me up. Strange sound in the middle of the night? Better grab the gun.

I can't even begin to imagine carrying one on me, especially in public. I like to think I have a pretty level head, but some people are just waiting for you to look at them the wrong way so they finally have that moment. So frightened or psychotic or some combination of the two that their first instinct is to just start shooting. Hell, my wife's cousin-in-law got in a fucking shootout when he cut someone off in traffic.

Used to be very pro responsible gun ownership, but lately I'm thinking that level of responsibility is far too rare in people.

Careful, you keep insulting Ted Cruz like that and he's going to be tripping over himself to endorse you for president.