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Basic instincts
(lemmy.world)
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this post was submitted on 12 Jul 2024
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I still feel I need to hide when I am interested in something. Am I not the only one?
Definitely not, and the solution is to stop hanging out with people who ridicule or mock you for your interests and hobbies, and find those who admire and/or encourage you instead.
It's not that easy when those people are your parents
Once you're an adult, you have no obligation to spend any time with your parents if they do not appreciate you for who you are.
Unless you still live at home, that is, in which case, you should probably fix that first.
You can't just find different friends. You just meet people by chance, so you have to be loyal to people no matter how much of an asshole they are.
What if I told you you do not have to be loyal to people who don't respect you?
A very small part of people who I call friends are people, who I actually care about. I'm just forced to communicate with others to get important info I need for school.
Well, people you HAVE to see for professional reasons aren't your friends, and you shouldn't really care what they think about your hobbies or interests.
At school, it's different, than at work, as children/teens (including me) are generally less mature, which means most of them don't help you or inform you unless they benefit from it. TLDR: I make people think they are my friends because I'm forced to.
Okay, I understand that, and that’s fine, everyone has people like that in their lives at some point.
But if you KNOW they aren’t really your friends, why would you complain that they don’t act like they are?
You can just ignore the first part of my advice (about not spending time with them) because it doesn’t apply to this situation, but you should probably still try and find people who you can actually be friends with based on your hobbies and interests.
Well, I just don't want to be shit on for my interests. Edit: But, I'm probably overreacting to something minor, that annoys me, as usual. Well, Another edit: How should I even do this?
Okay, well don't share them with people who you KNOW aren't really your friends?
I mean, it's fine to bring them up with people who you don't consider your friends YET (because otherwise, you may never know their opinion and miss out on potential friendships), but if you get shot down or made fun of and it's clear that there is no interest, just switch topics and look for someone else to be friends with.
Nah this is completely wrong, move your body to somewhere else where there are different people. Interact with them. That's it, you have a different social circle now. Find a new hobby or pick up an old one in a different place, decline to hang out with people who ridicule you and invite people who do not.
Tried it. It didn't go well.
You should be loyal to people, they might also be afraid to show their interest in the stuff you like. But don't stick to them "no matter what". That can bring you into dark places.
Enforcing boundaries helps, talking about things helps, but sucking it up and abandoning people seemingly willy-nilly will leave you alone and angsty pretty fast. So will just taking everything from an asshole.
I don't have an answer to finding friends yet. Try going to social stuff about the things you like. If you have stuff you deliberately hide then try not to go to those things first, as the shame might make you lash out at potential friends. Wait till you can come to terms with yourself.
This is actually inspirational, but the point of the post is, that you are on terms with yourself, but you know they won't respect you.
Apart from what other people have pointed out- what if one of your friends does great harm to another of your friends? How do you stay loyal to both of them?
You pretend to be on the side of both of them, but it could fall apart very quickly. So I don't do it anymore. I just make my own arguments and side with the victim.
So you were lying to your friends about having their back? That makes you the bad friend.
Yes, that's kind off true. I don't lie to them about having their back, I lie to them about my opinion as I try to avoid conflict. I don't do it against my actual friends, just to people I'm forced to communicate with to function in society.
What is the difference between your friends and your actual friends? Because I thought we were talking about your friends and I also thought that friends are actual friends.
I actually like and help some of my friends, who do respect me, but others, who act like my friends but actually just bully and gaslight me, I just use for my own benefit (usually by pretending to be fine with it). Those assholes could help you, without you having to have any obligations to them.
Using people for your benefit also makes you a bad friend, and a questionable person.
It's also a step down the road to advocating for slavery.
Doing something really immoral to a person who mistreats you while pretending to be their friends is not the right way to deal with such situations.
It's true, but it doesn't change the fact they are an asshole. Also slavery is a bit of an extreme portrayal.
“They are an asshole” is not an excuse to use or exploit a person.
Just yesterday, my teenage daughter (not trying to say anything about your maturity level here) said to me that she didn't like it when I talked about anime because she thought the word was embarrassing. She really likes anime, but she is embarrassed about it because even though she knows anime is fairly mainstream now, she likes more obscure stuff.
I told her that apart from it being a perfectly acceptable word to describe the art form both in and outside Japan, if you spend time worrying about what people think of your interests, you're wasting time you could spend on those interests- and actually stopping yourself from doing it. And then while you're doing it, you're wasting time feeling bad for enjoying yourself when you could just be enjoying yourself.
On top of that, if a friend is going to judge you for your interests, maybe they're not really a friend. And everyone else? Fuck them. They have to share the Earth with you regardless and if they don't like it, that's their problem.