Write the good that you wish them, get them something inexpensive that shows that you still pay attention to what they say and like. Simple. I hate em too but gotta adapt.to the game ig

Yes. I hate birthdays, mine and others'. I hate receiving gifts and I hate being in the spotlight, and having to act differently towards others for one particular day of the year for no reason trips me up. If I appreciate another person I will show it consistently, not just on one token day of the year. The whole thing feels awkward and makes me act awkward.

Cards:

• write what you like about them
• add a relevant story you guys share within the last year that reflects that quality of theirs

Gifts:

• if they tell you they like something throughout the year, add it to a private note to look at during their bday
• something they would love to have or use but wouldn't spend their own money
• bonus: relevant to their quality story

Example

Card: Happy birthday! I love how you're always happy, like when we went to the beach and it started raining. Even though we were bummed out, you found a way to make it fun and we had a great time. I hope you receive the same happiness on your birthday that you gave me at the beach.

Gift: The shirt they said they liked at the beach store but didn't buy it for themselves.

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edit: Warning, some people will become upset if they recognize that you follow this/a formula. I haven't figured out a solution to this.

Like - what do I write in the card?

"Congratulations on surviving another circuit around the sun."

What the hell do I get them?

I usually rely on them giving me a list.

Yes and I literally forgot my own birthday once.

Not to mention when it even is. I'm so bad with birthdays

As for cards - I've now developed the habit of writing a text once a year and using it basically for everybody (slightly modified if necessary). Bonus points for a kid and a grown up version. Btw I also have the same standard text for weddings and funerals (these stay the same over the years). Most of my friends don't know each other and will never find out.

I also started to just wish very mundane things because it sounds poetic and I have wished them the same Big Things for years. No one ever congratulated me when I wished them happiness and health, but when I wish them the most colorful flowers on the roadside and warm summer rain on sun exhausted skin, and the occasional mindfulness to take the time to stop and appreciate these small moments everyone loses their shit. Sometimes something negative is also appreciated. Think you still got so many years ahead of you. Your path will in some parts be straightforward, but will make you stumble and fall in other parts. For the latter I wish you a helping hand to get up again and some colorful band aids

As a side note, I am more proud of my sincere go to when someone dies. Especially old people. Because I always point out that they don't need to excuse the death or downplay it because someone was old or it was predictable. Losing a person who you cared about, no matter how old or sick, is always painful and a big loss. And no matter how predictable it was, their death and your grief always end up taking you by surprise. And I wish everyone who lost someone the support necessary to have some time granted for their grief and pain. .

I love writing "congratulations, you have survived another full orbit around the sun".

As for the gifts... I suck at them

I just don't acknowledge them, just another day I had 0 control over

Most of the time I will just sign the card, maybe a witty word or two. But sometimes inspiration strikes. I've been known to make cards by hand for friends and family... with crayons. And a piece of paper folded in half. No, I can't draw. And then the envelope is two pieces of paper stapled together. It's ghetto af but people usually get a laugh. Usually.

Sometimes I will hand someone an index card with BIRTHDAY written on one side.

One time I completely filled the left inside cover with my sloppy-ass block print. Just stream of consciousness stuff. And in the middle I put "At this point I'm guessing you're regretting starting to read this aloud, because I know that's exactly what you're gonna do with each and every card."

Not sure I'll ever top that one.

Always a nightmare for me as well. It can take me 30 minutes just to come up with 2 sentences. I usually try to make a « joke » related to something « important » that happened to the person during the year (or « generic » stuff like « one more year passed bla bla bla »).

It’s a source of a lot of stress, especially when sometimes, someone gives me a pen and a card and forces me to come up with something right now.

I find a good quote about the kind of relationship we have (friendship, family, dating) that will make them all misty eyed, then I sign it and say something somewhat personal about our relationship. Cards are like the one social thing I'm apparently good at.

Also it helps to put birthdays in your online calendar and include an email reminder a week before their birthday.

Edit: Throw a small printed photo in for good measure, people LOVE stuff like that. Just make sure the picture is special and bonus points if it's something they completely forgot about.

Lol, the timing of this is pretty crazy. Today is a big milestone birthday for my brother, and texting him some birthday wishes is my major task for the day (you know, the thing where, as long as I do that, I have completed today, even though there are other things I will hopefully be able to do, but might not because the main task might take all my energy).

We live pretty far apart, and I don't have too clear an idea of his current interests, and his job doesn't leave him with a lot of spare time. Usually I buy him a digital gift of some kind (ebook, switch game I think he'd like, etc) and send a happy birthday email that's like 2 sentences that I spend all day composing in my head. I haven't figured out what to get him this year, but also, for my birthday earlier this year he just texted me instead of buying me a steam game I'll never play, so I'm sort of taking that as a signal that it's okay for me to do the same (I'm relieved, rather than offended - I'm totally fine with not receiving any particular birthday greeting or gift myself). I ran that idea by my NT mom, and she agreed that that sounds absolutely fine.

So I guess I'm about to text him something like "Happy xth birthday! Hope you're having a great day! Any big plans to celebrate the milestone?" And then have a brief back and forth on the basis of his response. "About to" here meaning in the next few hours I guess.

On the topic in general, I run into this with Christmas presents as well, who to get presents for at in-person gatherings of various sizes, or for close family that live far away, etc, and what to give them.