In all my years I've never walked into a friends home and been offered a baguette or a fresh slice of focaccia.
Well then your friends suck
"Hey, man! Glad you could make it! Can I get you anything? Some chips, some pretzels, an entire baguette, maybe some iced tea or something?"
Goat cheese and baguette is top tier snack. Y'all don't know how to live
"Shit, man, shit shit shit."
"Steve man. Calm the fuck down. What's wrong?"
"It's a customer, man."
"Please tell me they didn't take an orange from the bottom of the stack again."
"No, no. Worse. So much worse. He's buying the boule."
"Ha. You had me worried for a minute. Nobody buys the boule. You misheard."
"No, man, I'm telling you. He asked where it was. I made him repeat the question. He said again he wanted the 'sourdough boule.' He's got it in his cart now."
"...You're serious."
"Yes, man. He's about to fucking buy the boule."
"Shit, man. What are we going to do?"
"I don't know. I- I don't know. This has never happened before."
"We have to alert them."
"Them?"
"You know, them."
"Wh- you mean the simulation people?"
"You got a better idea?"
"Yeah, maybe drinking bleach. Not to mention we have no way to con-"
"H-hello? Um... Sim- simulation people? Um-"
"What the fuck are you doing, Ted? You fucking dipshi-"
"Yes?"
"..."
"..."
"Steve... you... you heard that, ri-"
"I don't have all day. What is it?"
"Shit, um."
"Yes sir, um, Mister Simulator sir, I-"
"Missus."
"Oh, um, sorry, the voice is just kindof... tinny an-"
"Look, we've got a problem. It's one of the... simulated."
"Mmm hmm?"
"He's on his way to the checkout now."
"And?"
"He's buying the boule."
"Mmm. Right. Thank you for alerting me. This anomaly will be dealt with."
"Oh. Um. O...kay. Um. Thank yo-"
"Wait, how exactly will it be deal-"
This reads like They're Made Out of Meat. It's brilliant.
Thanks for the recommendation! Here's the short story mentioned if anyone else wants a read: https://www.mit.edu/people/dpolicar/writing/prose/text/thinkingMeat.html
That was a fun read! Thanks for that
This is WBRC's 9 o'clock news, I'm Ned Albertson.
Panic ensued today at a local supermarket, as a man got vaporised in the produce aisle. Warning, the following images are not for the faint of heart. Evan Kelp is reporting live from the scene.
idk man, seems like an american problem to me.
Are you watching their politics? This can't be real, the writers are all over the top. The whole country is a simulation.
I often buy these. But, I always take care noone sees me buying them.
This is the way. Don't let OP know about us.
I buy those baguettes and it would be lucky to make it home so I always buy two.
So you think you've found the hole of simulation and don't even try to buy some to see if it is really a decoration? WTF bro
Omfg is this a marketing stunt by the baked goods industry to sell more bread?
Many will walk up to edge, but few have the courage to see if they can fly.
This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
You take the normal bread – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.
You take the fancy bread – you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember, all I'm offering is the truth – nothing more.”
I m French and in France we buy EVERY bread in a bakery .for real after 5pm you have basically nothing .
The French sure do love their
Ok but if you see sliced croissant loaf, fucking buy that shit, buy two, immediately. I don't even like to shop any more at places where they don't sell it.
disgusted French look of superiority
jkjk it looks like something terrible in a good way.
Cause it's probably 3/4 butter.
Count me in.
The only issue I see with it is that since it's wrapped in plastic it's gonna be soft and rubbery instead of crunchy.
you're telling me that this guy saw something that he didn't understand, but said piqued his curiosity, and instead of trying it to see what it's like he goes straight to schizo posting about it on the Internet?
this is why trump is winning.
/b/ - Random
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
the bread is real. what you arent seeing is the removal of the unsold products that are almost certainly being donated to homeless shelters and hog farmers, then replaced with fresh loaves the next day. there are fda rules in place to prevent leaving such products out more than a couple days.
are almost ~~certainly being donated to homeless shelters~~ being thrown away and people who are taking some are persecuted... and hog farmers
fixed that for you :)
Sometimes I buy the bread lol. The bread just gets made into other things if nobody buys it. Sliced after the first day, made into croutons the day after or a number of other bread goodness like garlic bread or used to make those pre-packed subs, etc. Or it's just tossed cause bread is cheap and making at the scale they make it makes it even cheaper.
By the way, if you have even a passing interest I recommend baking your own bread, unless you want sourdough and you don't want to spend that effort cause sourdough is next level effort. But a basic white bread is extremely easy and tastes so good fresh and lasts for soooo much longer than the store made breads.
I buy the bread. I offer it to friends. TIL I'm an NPC
I don't offer it to my friends, but only because I eat it all before they get near me.
To be fair, the quality of the bread in these mass produced "artisan bakery" sections can be trash tier, like sometimes it's wonder bread level but even more dry. Idk why they decide to do it. Maybe it was fresh at one point but these displays can get left out all week.
Source: an NPC who sometimes buys this crap to try it.
The bread is a decoration indeed. It's there for the same reason the flowers are out the front of the supermarket, it makes the store look more welcoming and less like a warehouse that is engineered to siphon money from your wallet.
Nobody buys that shit. We just wait for them to yeet it in the dumptster out back, then we cut the chain and take it home.
i'll buy some sourdough or a baguette. usually when reduced to clear.
Also when i was on holiday in the US; sourdough bread was all i could eat. seriously guys, your sandwich bread fucking SUCKS!
I'm just laughing at "bread" and "proof" but I know they didn't intend on the pun.
Buy the boule coward!
Idk about America, but here the fresh bread is fucking gone by 3 hours before closing. Well, except for the dark bread, there's always a little of that left.
I make my own these days and regularly offer them to guests but I used to buy the stores artisan breads for lunch while working construction when I was young.
The cost to create of a family size loaf of jalapeno and mozzerella stuffed herb focaccia is about $4.87, lower if you cheap out on oil, so theres tons of room for markup even if the store ends up throwing most of it out.
Also, my friends and acquaintances are a perfectly representative sample of the population
you gotta feel sorry for someone so out of touch with bread. mmMmmmm sourdough boule
Is this the most American post I've ever seen?
Maybe?
A while ago I made cheeseburgers for a family gathering. My dad bought a loaf of bread on the side, and I quote, "just in case".
Greentexts, memes, everything 4chan.
