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Israel Military Reports It Was You, The Reader, Who Blew Up Hospital (www.theonion.com)

submitted 1 year ago by Clodsire@lemmy.ml to c/theonion@midwest.social

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GAZA CITY, GAZA—Following conflicting accounts of a horrific attack on a Gaza hospital, officials from the Israeli Defense Forces released a new statement Wednesday that claimed it was you, the reader of this very article, who committed the act of terror.

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[-] WhyEssEff@hexbear.net 95 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

what really blew up the hospital was the friends we made along the way

[-] AOCapitulator@hexbear.net 23 points 1 year ago

if we is the US and friends we "made" is taken literally..

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[-] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 54 points 1 year ago

I am disgusted by my actions.

[-] Wakmrow@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Before we start this thread can we all agree to condemn your actions?

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[-] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 48 points 1 year ago

Shit sorry I knew I should have eaten less beans last night

[-] livus@kbin.social 38 points 1 year ago

Damn the Onion is on fire lately.

[-] photonic_sorcerer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 1 year ago

And all it took was a human catastrophe.

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[-] Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works 37 points 1 year ago

Thank god I didn’t read the article.

[-] TheBlue22@lemmy.blahaj.zone 31 points 1 year ago

Sorry I was hungry

[-] ChihuahuaOfDoom@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Have a snickers

[-] krimsonbun@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 1 year ago

you're not you when you're hungry

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[-] Annoyed_Crabby@monyet.cc 30 points 1 year ago

Ahh shit, got found out. Time to run

[-] TrismegistusMx@slrpnk.net 29 points 1 year ago

What if the real treasure is the hospitals we bombed along the way?

[-] cloud@lazysoci.al 29 points 1 year ago

they are not wrong, it's your tax money being used there

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[-] bquintb@midwest.social 28 points 1 year ago

Mah bad

[-] Dogyote@slrpnk.net 26 points 1 year ago

I KNEW IT!

[-] PatFussy@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Dogyote you are under arrest for crimes against humanity

[-] PwnTra1n@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago

I’m sure I had a good reason

[-] altima_neo@lemmy.zip 21 points 1 year ago

Woopsie doodles

[-] Caligvla@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 1 year ago

Shit, they caught me!

[-] Jordan117@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago

Osama Bin Laden Found Inside Each Of Us

[-] theotherone@kbin.social 18 points 1 year ago

I suspected me all along. The signs were all there.

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[-] JamesConeZone@hexbear.net 18 points 1 year ago

Reader response criticism has gone too far! Stanley Fish in shambles!

[-] shiveyarbles@beehaw.org 16 points 1 year ago

I knew it, it was the Ambien

[-] Resol@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago

Guess I am banned from leaving my house then

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[-] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Yeah? So? What's the big deal?

[-] uphillbothways@kbin.social 8 points 1 year ago

We've been trying to reach you about your hospital's extended warranty...

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this post was submitted on 18 Oct 2023

1064 points (93.5% liked)

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