this post was submitted on 18 Oct 2023

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Israel Military Reports It Was You, The Reader, Who Blew Up Hospital (www.theonion.com)

submitted 2 years ago by Clodsire@lemmy.ml to c/theonion@midwest.social

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GAZA CITY, GAZA—Following conflicting accounts of a horrific attack on a Gaza hospital, officials from the Israeli Defense Forces released a new statement Wednesday that claimed it was you, the reader of this very article, who committed the act of terror.

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[–] WhyEssEff@hexbear.net 96 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (4 children)

what really blew up the hospital was the friends we made along the way

[–] AOCapitulator@hexbear.net 23 points 2 years ago

if we is the US and friends we "made" is taken literally..

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[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 54 points 2 years ago (3 children)

I am disgusted by my actions.

[–] Wakmrow@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

Before we start this thread can we all agree to condemn your actions?

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[–] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 48 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Shit sorry I knew I should have eaten less beans last night

[–] livus@kbin.social 40 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Damn the Onion is on fire lately.

[–] photonic_sorcerer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 2 years ago (1 children)

And all it took was a human catastrophe.

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[–] Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works 37 points 2 years ago

Thank god I didn’t read the article.

[–] TheBlue22@lemmy.blahaj.zone 31 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Sorry I was hungry

[–] ChihuahuaOfDoom@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Have a snickers

[–] krimsonbun@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 2 years ago

you're not you when you're hungry

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[–] Annoyed_Crabby@monyet.cc 30 points 2 years ago

Ahh shit, got found out. Time to run

[–] TrismegistusMx@slrpnk.net 29 points 2 years ago

What if the real treasure is the hospitals we bombed along the way?

[–] cloud@lazysoci.al 29 points 2 years ago (1 children)

they are not wrong, it's your tax money being used there

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[–] bquintb@midwest.social 28 points 2 years ago

Mah bad

[–] Dogyote@slrpnk.net 26 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I KNEW IT!

[–] PatFussy@lemm.ee 8 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Dogyote you are under arrest for crimes against humanity

[–] PwnTra1n@lemmy.world 23 points 2 years ago

I’m sure I had a good reason

[–] altima_neo@lemmy.zip 21 points 2 years ago

Woopsie doodles

[–] Caligvla@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 2 years ago

Shit, they caught me!

[–] Jordan117@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago

Osama Bin Laden Found Inside Each Of Us

[–] theotherone@kbin.social 18 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I suspected me all along. The signs were all there.

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[–] JamesConeZone@hexbear.net 18 points 2 years ago

Reader response criticism has gone too far! Stanley Fish in shambles!

[–] shiveyarbles@beehaw.org 16 points 2 years ago

I knew it, it was the Ambien

[–] Resol@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Guess I am banned from leaving my house then

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[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

Yeah? So? What's the big deal?

[–] uphillbothways@kbin.social 8 points 2 years ago

We've been trying to reach you about your hospital's extended warranty...

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