this post was submitted on 29 Apr 2025
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[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 9 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I'm always more concerned by the 30% of humans that don't think they could take a rat more than the delusional people myself.

They might be assuming you get weapons or whatever, but 30% of people don't even have to self confidence to just flop around on the ground for a bit.

[–] Seasm0ke@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Chimpanzee is way too high Jesus Christ. It goes from reasonable shot at winning but succumbing to your wounds later to 20x stronger than you and smart enough to go for the sharp bits

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 2 points 23 hours ago

Yeah, my first thought was that a king cobra should be higher than chimpanzee. Not because king cobras would necessarily be easy, but because it would be possible.

Beating a chimp would depend on whether a human hit to its head could knock it out or at least stun it, as well as getting such a blow in immediately at the start. But my guess is that their skulls are built differently enough that such a hit would just motivate it more.

[–] conditional_soup@lemm.ee 35 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (6 children)

If people knew more about chimpanzees, they'd be right down there with bears and elephants. I would 100% prefer to take on a wolf or a kangaroo, taking Aussies at their word about how insane roos are, over a chimp. The chimp probably has just as high a K/D as the bear or elephant, but it's going to teabag you while wearing the face it ripped off your skull before you go out.

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That’s over 2 terabytes of adults! That’s a lot!

[–] michaelmrose@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Why do 5-10% of Americans think they can beat a Gorilla Lion Elephant or Grizzly Bear? Note beat in a fight as in engage successfully in combat. What do they think you are even going to do vs the Grizzly or elephant again?

Also chimps should be way further down on that list. You'd have a better chance against the wolf.

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[–] Godric@lemmy.world 20 points 1 day ago (4 children)

No wonder the Brits lost the 13 Colonies, mfs can't even take a goose.

[–] Taleya@aussie.zone 13 points 1 day ago (2 children)

This is one of those moments when you can immediately identify who has and who has not regularly interacted with the animal in question

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[–] Knock_Knock_Lemmy_In@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago (3 children)

A goose is a gangster swan, and everyone knows that they break arms.

[–] LaunchesKayaks@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

A goose will back off of you give it a boot to the chest. I've fought off a couple of geese and a goose-sized duck and a chest-kick is the best move. Works best of you are able to wind up and use the side of your foot like you're trying to score a sweet goal in soccer, but a regular punt gets the job done too.

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[–] njm1314@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I mean I've been thinking about how to fight geese for a long long time now. I've got grudges.

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 1 points 23 hours ago

Think Mario 64 bowser fights, only you grab the goose by the neck instead of the tail. Though that is to fight for a draw.

Don't stick your neck out; I promise it's not good for the gander

[–] unabart@sh.itjust.works 21 points 2 days ago

Would enjoy watching some tough guys try and fight anything from chimp on down.

β€œYeah, bro, I can totally fkn take an elephant!”

[–] Ledericas@lemm.ee 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

the dogs you have to worry about is the ones that are known to bite or aggresive.

[–] TheDoozer@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago

Right, don't fuck around with Dachshunds...

[–] ArseAssassin@sopuli.xyz 17 points 2 days ago (20 children)

TIL 10% of Americans would beat an elephant in a fist fight.

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[–] Bytemeister@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm good down to Eagle, and then it's straight losses.

[–] Mustakrakish@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Eagles can be huge, fly and have fuckin razor sharp meat hooks for fingers.

[–] Bytemeister@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

The challenge is to win, not walk away unscathed.

[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago (2 children)

We can all beat the fuck out of cobras. Just sayin

[–] TheOakTree@lemm.ee 2 points 1 day ago

Yup. I mean, you might not survive with this method, but if you just get it to bite your foot (assuming you have shoes) you could just stomp it immediately afterwards.

Similar story for the eagle - it will definitely leave gashes in you, but so long as you flail your arms and get one decent hit on it (enough to get it out of the air), you would be able to cripple it decently fast.

I'm realizing I don't really like thinking about hypothetically beating up animals, though. If they're fighting you, they're either scared for their lives, defending their young, or starving to death.

[–] SparroHawc@lemm.ee 11 points 1 day ago (2 children)

It would probably be a pyrrhic victory though.

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[–] pjwestin@lemmy.world 76 points 2 days ago (27 children)

Sure, us Americans are obviously delusional, but can we talk about the fact that almost half of all brits think they would lose to a goose? They're 20 pounds, have no teeth or claws, and their bones are hollow. Have a little confidence, guys, I'm sure you can take poultry in a fight.

[–] Strider@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago (2 children)

And the fight would be harder than against a cat.

Wtf are those people smoking? Have they ever seen a domesticated cat in severe distress??

[–] lefixxx@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I would rather fight any bird than a cat.

I generally agree, but maybe not all birds:

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[–] OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 37 points 2 days ago (1 children)

chimpanzee would rip you the fuck apart, more than a gorilla

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[–] tatann@lemm.ee 22 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I've played enough RPGs to know you can lose to a rat, even with a sword and armor equipped

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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I'm pretty confident in fighting most things that are smaller than a dog. Once you get into dog size or larger, things get complicated.

The largest animal I think I could take in a fight is a capybara. Maybe a manatee; but only on land.

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