this post was submitted on 23 Jul 2025
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[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 50 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (3 children)

As a man with adhd, I do this all the time to men and to women, and I've been accused of mansplaining. I'm working on it, but I promise it has nothing to do with sexism. I just think everybody needs to know all the details so rhey can reach the same conclusions as me.

And for what it's worth, I really appreciate when someone does the same for me on a topic I don't know about. But I understand how frustrating it is when someone does it on a subject I do know about, so I always try to gauge knowledge before info dumping. What catches me off guard is when someone isn't interested in learning. They don't know everything, and they are just OK with walking through life, knowing they don't know something.

Point is, I really do appreciate the grace presented in the post. I don't mind if you're being condescending if you forgive me for oversharing.

[–] NotANumber@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 3 days ago (3 children)

This isn't a you problem. You haven't been mansplaining. This is gender war shenanigans and people being sexist towards men in the name of feminism. Gender in western society is honestly cooked at this point.

[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 10 points 3 days ago (9 children)

Eh, it's a me problem of oversharing, and I can appreciate that my perspective isn't a universal perspective. How I'm perceived is as much my concern as my intention. I can't control what other people feel, but I can appreciate their perspective and respect their feelings without taking it personally.

If someone feels like I'm mansplaining, I want to know about it and try not to do that again. That's not an indictment of gender relations in modern society, that's just courtesy.

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[–] Beebabe@lemmy.world 139 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (78 children)

So I’ve noticed this post isn’t going over very well. I’d like to add a female perspective.

“Mansplain” isn’t meant to say you info dump or over explain a thing. It means that you assume you know more simply based on sex. It’s a type of misogyny that’s more typically overt in boomer culture, but it’s got a following in the whole Tate movement. I have rarely noticed it outside of that generation in the wild.

Now…Guys do infodump, which leads to this confusion, because a lot of people dislike that behavior too. Statistically women do speak less in mixed groups. Put it all together and it’s easy for people to over generalize a very specific behavior. It does happen, but compared to previous generations it’s not as common. It definitely occurs to women who work in non-traditional fields and take on non-traditional roles and I suspect that the same is true for men.

[–] DrSoap@lemmy.world 25 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Imagine going to school for years and years. You have your doctorate. You're in the field for 10 years. You work in field that is 93% male. You find a new job, good pay and reputable. The boss on the daily explains things to you. Some things that are just basic science and not even directly applicable to your work. No other new hires get these interesting and informative chats but what a coincidence, all the other new hires are men. I never called it "mansplaining," it's just sexism. One cute word doesn't capture the malice that is often behind it and makes men who view themselves as harmless defensive. Of course there is pointing out systemic sexism that is ingrained in natural behavior but its important to note the difference in a simple conversation and singling out a woman to explain something while assuming she doesn't have anything in that pretty little head of hers. Personally hence, I've noticed it used most often when the woman you're targeting is smarter than you and this is a subtle power play to remind her of her place.

[–] vivalapivo@lemmy.today 14 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Mansplainer perspective here. No, it doesn't come (for me) from a belief that a woman can't do anything, it rather comes from an instruction from a childhood that boys should always help and defend girls. If I were in place of that boss, my unconscious intent would be to lower the woman's burden.

I catch myself doing it and stop it but it's the hardest pattern I have ever corrected insofar.

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[–] chatokun@lemmy.dbzer0.com 37 points 3 days ago (5 children)

Infodumping male here, I generally do it because in my mind context is important to make sense, and of course I do it regardless of gender. It honestly feels like a detriment, as I feel myself taking too long, but don't really know how to shorten it. I do it when explaining issues at work or when talking about stuff I like etc, but have audio has times where I tried to be brief then got the wrong info across or forgot to mention something important or just right make sense. It's like I can't find the right balance between explaining and dumping.

I didn't find this post as an insult or anything though.

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[–] BCsven@lemmy.ca 29 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Info dump goes both ways, men usually info dump about things, women info dump about people. Its echoed in men vs women photography of trips also. Men typically photograph things (here's a car/bike/castle I saw), and typically women photograph people.( here's me and my sister, here's a court yard with people dancing)

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[–] Landless2029@lemmy.world 31 points 4 days ago (3 children)

I had a woman at a car service counter take in my car once. She was dressed nicely and clean so of course I assumed she only did paperwork.

I treated her like a human. Explained my car symptoms and where I think the problem is. (Car electric went nuts and lost power steering when i hit a puddle.)

Holy crap she knew her stuff. I mentioned it felt like the alternator wasnt performing right and undervolting, but since it's only when driving threw a puddle it had to be a component siezing and pulling on the accessory belt. She agreed that's a good place to start and ran through all the bits in that system as well as thier diagnostic steps planned.

I figured she knew about cars but it felt like she was a full on mechanic and was the manager dressed up.

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[–] enbipanic@lemmy.blahaj.zone 33 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Neurodivergents be like: "Wait people don't want to know this? That's absurd. So anyway, what I was saying was..."

How many "Men" are just ND?

[–] Soulg@ani.social 32 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

That's always been my issue with this whole mansplaining shit. Like yeah, it is a real thing that exists, but it very quickly just morphed into "a man (whom I didn't want to talk to me) told me something" most of the time.

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[–] 0x0@lemmy.zip 14 points 3 days ago

How many “Men” are just ND?

None. Men are cool to hate, get with the program.

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[–] Nougat@fedia.io 245 points 4 days ago (22 children)

My wife has accused me of mansplaining when I really was just sharing the information I had in my head about "the thing" because I was proud of myself about that.

There's also the "You may already know all this, but it's worth saying out loud anyway."

I'm not saying mansplaining isn't a thing - it certainly is - but there are other innocent "info dump" kinds of things that can look like mansplaining but weren't intended to be. I try to be very clear about why I am info dumping when I do, but I'm not always able to catch myself in time.

#TouchOfTheTism

[–] FerretyFever0@fedia.io 78 points 4 days ago

Exactly, when I tell my therapist about the funny things I learned about psychology, it's just me saying stuff that I know now, how I think it's cool, and asking for further information. I'm well aware that he already knows far more on the topic. If you're explaining it with a tone of "you fucking idiot woman, I'm educating you", then that's mansplaining. Another important possibility, is just phrasing a question as a statement for clarification. Think of how a waiter will repeat your order back to you at a restaraunt. I do the same thing when I learn about a new concept. I repeat back what I think I understood about something to make sure I got it right. Tone is very important. If I don't sound like I'm trying to be a dick to you, then I'm probably not.

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[–] liuther9@feddit.nl 8 points 2 days ago

So many likes under this toxic shit post, though comments section is full of people with valid conclusions

[–] Octavio@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago

Luckily I never do mansplaining because I don’t understand how anything works.

Women often complain that when they go to home depot the workers always ask what project they are doing and walk them through how to do it instead of just pointing them to the product they are looking for.

Honestly I’d love nothing more than for a Home Depot worker to ask me about my project and walk me through how to do it. It would save me the inevitable return trip(s) to pick up that one part or tool I didn’t think about.

But I understand that it could be seen as condescending if you do know what you’re doing and just need help finding the thing you already know you need.

[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 83 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (39 children)

I hate how the term "mansplaining" has mutated from "When a man condescendingly explains a subject to a woman who is an expert in that subject, because he assumes being a woman makes her ignorant", which is certainly a valid thing to be upset about, into "Whenever a man explains anything to any woman" , which is sexist and divisive.

The term is still pretty sexist as originally used though. It inherently implies that it's a characteristic masculine behavior. If you disagree, allow me to demonstrate:

I just came up with this term, "womancomplaining", it's when a woman exaggerates a minor inconvenience into a targeted victimization.

How does that term make you feel? Does it seem to imply that I'm talking about a specific, isolated behavior? Or does it seem more like I'm implying this is a characteristic feminine behavior? Would it feel less sexist if I insisted I wasn't talking about all women, but if you take offense then maybe you feel defensive about being a womancomplainer? What if I told you to calm down, because if you aren't guilty of it then I'm not talking about you?

It still seems pretty sexist, doesn't it.

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[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 105 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (6 children)

Unfortunately I am autistic and explaining something I think is cool. Only it gets interpreted as condescension :(

Its not always but its often enough

[–] lemjukes@sopuli.xyz 54 points 4 days ago

Bingo, every fucking time. I'm literally just sharing whats in my head. You know, trying to communicate like a fucking person? Sorry you took that as me thinking you were stupid. Because now i definitely think you're stupid.

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[–] Etterra@discuss.online 11 points 3 days ago (1 children)

It's super easy not to mansplain. When you bring up a subject, just ask if they know about it, then segue into a conversation where you can both participate.

[–] 0x0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Eh. As much as I want that to be true, there are some people who will never admit they don't know something.

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[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 15 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Okay but what if I’m excited to talk about dinosaurs? Is it mansplaining because I didn’t know the lady im talking to is a paleontologist ?

And people wonder why many men are afraid to talk to women.

[–] Mesophar@pawb.social 19 points 3 days ago

Nah, some people might get offended right from the get go if you start talking about the basics with them, but it's only a problem if you continue to insist that you know better than them once it becomes clear they have an understanding of the topic. Like, if you're excited to talk about dinosaurs and the person you're talking to is a paleontologist, but you pivot to talking about deeper aspects of the topic once you realize, you're all good! Even better if you start asking them questions to learn from their expertise.

On the other hand, if you realize that they are a paleontologist and completely disregard that, insisting to them that you actually know more than them, or continue trying to explain base concepts, then yeah, you're a jerk.

[–] Worx@lemmynsfw.com 10 points 3 days ago

There's a difference between being excited to share something and explaining basic concepts. If you excitedly talk to a paleontologist about dinosaurs, they will most likely excitedly talk back.

"Mansplaining" is specifically when you are trying to tell someone else about their area of expertise and insisting you know better than them. For example, if you told a paleontology how to look after fossils.

A lot of it, like most human interactions, is about how you approach it and your tone of voice. I don't know what your level of social skills are, but if you're excited to talk about something then most people who are in that field of study would be excited to listen and talk back. Just be ready to learn and accept the possibility that they may know more than you

[–] GoddessGundy@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago (1 children)

She was being sardonic. He was being defensive, borderline hostile. This observation is subjective, I know.

When I'm unsure, I just ask. Like this: Are you being sarcastic or satirical right now or or are you being a Shawn?

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[–] chunes@lemmy.world 39 points 3 days ago (4 children)

It would be cool if we could keep sexism off lemmy. This isn't reddit.

[–] ProgrammingSocks@pawb.social 28 points 3 days ago

Gender wars stuff is the worst. I would be in favour of it being banned.

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[–] ConstantPain@lemmy.world 56 points 4 days ago (3 children)

I explain basic things to anyone if they sound or act like they don't know.

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[–] StarryPhoenix97@lemmy.world 51 points 4 days ago (14 children)

I'm not mansplaining I'm tism info dumping. If you want to patronize me go for it. I'll keep going

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[–] jeff@programming.dev 71 points 4 days ago (2 children)

I like how OOP gets the name wrong also. Shane not Shawn. It really makes it feel extra condescending.

[–] egrets@lemmy.world 69 points 4 days ago (2 children)
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[–] Mustakrakish@lemmy.world 62 points 4 days ago (4 children)

Unironically, thats how I feel explaining things when I get excited, and I kinda like being a kid excited about sharing something. Because either I get to share something I find really cool and you hopefully do too, or you already knew about it and maybe know more than me and I can learn something more about the thing I'm excited about. But mansplaining does imply a level of condescension that I really fucking hope I don't come across as.

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[–] a_wild_mimic_appears@lemmy.dbzer0.com 55 points 4 days ago (15 children)

I also love explaining things and get excited when it's an area i know about, and then got accused of mansplaining. seeing that many men in these comments suffered the same fate, maybe some women could become more chill lol

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