"Here come the test results: 'You are a horrible person'. That's what it says, 'a horrible person'. We weren't even testing for that!"
this post was submitted on 07 Aug 2025
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“Oh, It’s you.”
Never thought a robot could throw so much shade with just three words.
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"Well, This is the part where he kills us."
"Hello. This is the part where I kill you."
CHAPTER 9: THE PART WHERE HE KILLS YOU
Achievement Unlocked: The part where he kills you
Good god what an incredible sequence that was to play through for the first time. I was so busy laughing that it was, in fact, the part where he killed me.
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Anything Glados from Portal 1/2--still one of very, very few games to actually make me laugh. But also the Cave Johnson "when life gives you lemons" rant comes to mind, because it's both funny and poignant.
Everything in Portal 2 is gold, but if you shout out both GladOs AND Cave, I feel like Wheatley deserves a mention as well.
"Most test subjects do experience some cognitive deterioration after a few months in suspension. Now you've been under for... quite a lot longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a very minor case of serious brain damage. But don't be alarmed, alright? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain damage."
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Favorite Glados ones:
- “We both said a lot of things that you’re going to regret.”
- “That thing you burned up isn't important to me; it's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It makes shoes for orphans... Nice job breaking it, hero.”
And Cave Johnson:
- “When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons! Demand to see life’s manager!”
- “Science isn’t about why. It's about why not.”
Had to look it up to refresh my memory:
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"Nice job breaking it, hero."
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"You are not a good person. You know that, right? Good people don't get up here."
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"Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. We weren't even testing for that."
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"Congratulations on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds."
You really need the full 2-minute audio of the lemons bit to get the gist. J.K. Simmons did an amazing job balancing funny and, "oh shit, am I...sad!?!?...during the silly, funny puzzle game!?"
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"Everything not saved will be lost"
— Nintendo Wii's quit screen
Ironic Fun Fact: It's actually 'Anything not saved will be lost'.
This was a triumph
I'm making a note here, "Huge success"
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction
Aperture Science
We do what we must because we can
For the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead
Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade - make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons. Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I'm going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
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Ah shit here we go again.
"Ahh, Kos, or some say Kosm... Do you hear our prayers? As you once did for the vacuous Rom, Grant us eyes, grant us eyes. Plant eyes on our brains, to cleanse our beastly idiocy."
Micolash in Bloodborne
Username checks out
"The right person in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world" - Half Life 2
The creepy gait of his voice gives me goosebumps every time.
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War... war never changes.
War has changed. It's no longer about nations, ideologies or ethnicity. It's an endless series of proxy battles, fought by mercenaries and machines. War - and its consumption of life - has become a well-oiled machine.
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"He who controls the past, commands the future. He who commands the future, conquers the past." - Kane, Command & Conquer
Kane of course was just paraphrasing 1984.
It's a-me, Mario!
From Assassin's Creed 2. Might be known from some other game too, I dunno.
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"Snake? Snake? Snaaaaaaaaaaaaake!"
License A-4
FAIL
insert Yello - Oh Yeah playing
- Gran Turismo 4
LEROY JENKINS!
Lots of good bioshock quotes, but the standout:
We all make choices, but in the end our choices make us
Since so many other quotes are already claimed, how about some Outer Wilds:
Seriously, I tried everything I could think of [...], and neither idea worked.
I don't know if it's my "favourite" but I remember how hilarious it was the first time I heard that original Resident Evil line about "you, the master of unlocking". Granted, at the time I assumed it was all intentional B-grade horror movie parody.
I’m here to kick ass and chew bubblegum. I know it’s from a carpenter film, but I heard it first in Duke Nukem.
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A great one from Another Crab's Treasure:
"I'm not-...!! I...I am getting angry, aren't I? I think, maybe, I've been angry the whole time. Ever since I left the tide pool. I never wanted to be. Everyone else seems angry all the time. I didn't want to be like that. But I can't help it! Not when people like you always get everything you want, and other people get hurt for it! It's not fair! And I'm really strong now, strong enough to stop you from making things worse!...I think I get what Chitan meant now. If I'm gonna be angry, I might as well use it for something good! So that maybe, one day, other people won't have to fight like me! And what better way to start than to beat up a SELFISH...GREEDY...MUSSEL SHUCKER LIKE YOU!!"
" " - Half-Life 2
"(while looking into the mirror) Despite everything, it's still you.", from Undertale.
Also a bunch of lines from the Happy Happy cult members in Earthbound.
"The skins of those you love will fly as my banner."
Molag Bal is a meanie.
You forget a thousand things every day, make sure this is one of them.
Michael, GTA V
And from Diablo II...
"Guess what! I've named a boil on my ass after you. It, too, bothers me every time I sit down." - Gheed
"What kind of idiot are you?"
"I dunno. The good kind?"
Bulletstorm.
"I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took an arrow in the knee"
Truth is, the game was rigged from the start. -Benny
Alternatively:
Hope this interaction does not lead to any fallout between us. Fallout: New Vegas. -Benny
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