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A collection of some classic Lemmy memes for your enjoyment
(Source: TikTok video)
Take it from somebody who flies a lot:
Theorycrafting about the best way to load/unload a plane is pointless.
Bring a bottle of water on your plane. Bring some headphones and make sure they are charged. Make sure if halfway through the flight you even feel a little like you need to pee, do it in flight.
When the plane lands keep your headphones popped in, and chill out until you're off the plane.
The main reason I like a window seat is because it means I don't have anyone freaking out beside me that I haven't stood up as soon as the plane stops rolling. I'm just gonna sit here and read thanks.
It's the only community experience we have. Don't make it about you. Let us queue together and enjoy it.
I just want to point out that you shouldn't forget those behind you. As soon as you can fan out and get out of the way of the people behind you, the faster those people move, and the faster the people behind them reach the door.
A huge part of this problem is that when people get to the bottle neck that's slowing everyone down and making everyone go single file, people take their time getting through it. That's exactly when you need to hurry up and get the fuck out of the way.
It only takes a couple of people to waddle slowly off the plane to set everyone else up to wait several minutes before they can reach the front. And the problem is compounding.
So, what I'm saying here is, stay the fuck out of the way when you're not engaging in the activity of walking off the plane. If you're packing shit up, pulling out your luggage, putting on a sweater or backpack, stand in an isle and let everyone past while you fumble around. When you get off the plane don't stop and stretch and stare at the lights or whatever, move to the side or keep moving at a brisk pace away from the door until you get into a clearing where people can easily move around you.
None of this will make deplaneing fast, but the focus is on not making any slower than it has to be.
Obligatory X... I mean CGP Grey
In totally unrelated matter, I now really despise ppl who put their personal item on the overhead bin and then take like 1 min to take them off even though it could fit under their seat
There's an effect I see in situations like this where the people in a big hurried rush end up being slow asses because apparently they don't care about this working efficiently, they just care about when they can stop waiting.
On a plane these are the people who leap out of their seat and block your row, only to start searching for their bag once it's their turn to get off the plane.
I see the same from drivers at red lights. If there are multiple lanes waiting to go, and one car has to inch forward every 5 seconds even though they are already way past the line, then in my very limited anecdotal experience there's like a 90% chance when the light turns green they just sit there for a few seconds after I start going.
When I’m dictator, impatience will be abolished and punishable by fine or imprisonment.
You have my vote but only if you promise extra special treatment for the people who stand shoulder to shoulder right up against the baggage claim conveyor at the airport. And the ones who rush into full elevators trying to unload.
The amount of overlap in those two groups will probably save your Patience Police a bunch of time and resources.
Swift execution for those mentioned!!
one car has to inch forward every 5 seconds even though they are already way past the line
In my limited experience these cars are driven by people so absorbed by their phones that they don’t realize they aren’t fully engaging the brakes.
I think automatic transmissions have conditioned people to sit too far from the pedals.
I just bought an old classic and haven't driven stick in a decade. After I got everything comfy and adjusted how I wanted I realized something: I couldn't get the clutch all the way down if I tried, I'm too far away. Same for the brakes.
Power brakes have made us feel as though all we need is the braking power of our toes, but what happens when your ABS pump goes out and you have to use actual force to apply the brakes at 65mph? Do you have the leverage to get those brakes as far down as they need to to stop safely?
If we were all still popping clutches at every red light I don't think this would be an issue. I think we'd have less distracted drivers too, needing to shift manually keeps a driver engaged with the car and road.
I Wasn't advocating to ban Automatic Transmissions when this comment started, I am now.
I feel this. Both in terms of driver engagement safety and in how much I loathe traditional automatic transmissions. Still stuck owning one in one of the two vehicles I have at the moment but only because it was all I could afford for the second of two vehicles large enough to fit all my kids.
I have had several manual transmission vehicles and the other current one is a PHEV and one of the rare models that is a series hybrid so it drives like a true EV.
Do you have the leverage to get those brakes as far down as they need to to stop safely?
Hi there friend, would you kindly get the heck out of my nightmares?
Responding to the rest of your comment: I love driving a manual transmission. My first three cars were manuals, and we have two automatics right now, but my next car in a year or so will probably be something fun and agile with a manual. Or EV of course, depending on what's available for the price at the time.
Hi there friend, would you kindly get the heck out of my nightmares?
I've had brakelines fail, you press the brake, and it just stays down.
You just reminded me of the fact that I drove a car with a leaking brake caliper to the dealer for a warranty repair like 20 years ago. Lots of engine braking and gently using the hand brake in non-emergency slowing down, just in case using my brakes like normal would lose me too much brake fluid.
I can't believe I did that shit. I was careful and took the slow streets and didn't have any close calls but damn.
The pool of vehicles that still have MT is getting smaller and smaller each year, at least in north America.
I want the safety announcement at the start of the flight to say:
"You are in a flying metal coffin. Now imagine this coffin filling with smoke and fire. This plane only passes safety regulations because we simulated unboarding it with everyone behaving perfectly, leaving all of their crap behind. In an emergency, you MUST leave your stuff behind. Your life depends on it. The lives of everyone around you depend on it. If you see someone trying to take stuff with them, you MUST use whatever level of force is necessary to stop them. Even lethal force is justified. You must be prepared to tear someone to pieces if they don't leave their stuff behind. The lives of you and your family depend on the asshole in front of you letting their laptop burn."
That's the kind of boarding announcement I want to hear!
They really need to load back to front, then unload front to back, if it was organized it would go so much better. Like announce when each group can stand and get bags and when each can leave.
But how can they sell priority boarding then? Just think for one minute about the poor airline companies! /s
Airlines: "Wait, but I thought if you unload front to back you get a UTI"
To all the people telling OP they're wrong, you don't fly enough. The issue isn't evenly distributed. It's not like cars in traffic or whatever.
Airlines put the expensive seats in the front. The people who can afford them are usually much older, either traveling retirees or very late career white collar workers who have significant status. They're the first ones holding up everyone because they take forever to find all the assorted shit (personal item, oversized roller bag, neck pillow, laptop, ipad, lost earbud, etc) they've stuck all over the place, which the gate agent/FAs wouldn't admonish them for because of their aforementioned status. But they're first class, so the peasants behind them can wait in the bread line.
After they get off (on watching you glare), depending on airline, it's the fraction of people who are old and not rich, or don't fly often and aren't used to all the ritual. They'll have placed their bag in an overhead that's 12 rows behind them and demand everyone stop and crowd surf it up or else they'll just sit there blocking the line.
After them come the young vacation families, you know, the ones who had the screaming baby for the last 6 hours. They couldn't be bothered to pay for seat selection to save money so one parent is with one kid three rows ahead but needs to coral the kids behind them because the other parent was playing on a Nintendo switch for the whole flight and didn't try to organize all the kids toys, now lost to entropy, and so the marital spat and bawling (louder now) children begin.
Then there's you. You fly a lot so you have nothing more than two pairs of underwear and a toothbrush, all safely hidden from the TSA in your prison wallet and ready to go without so much as a nanosecond of notice, along with your phone and airpods to combat the screaming child in front of you. You got 31B, way in the back, after trying to game united's seat assignment system by checking in only after all but the exit row seats were taken, but someone missed their flight and here you are.
Generally the legacy airlines will have the most old people, but the vast majority of people on them are very used to flying, because they know better than to book a budget airline. It'll be slow yet ordered.
The budget airlines like united and frontier will be the opposite, lots of young spry 20 somethings, but lots of vacation families that couldn't afford Delta... I won't sugar coat it, it's gonna be a shit storm. The FAs have been contractually required to keep everyone at the very edge of their sanity through the enforcement of a variety of draconian company policies (like turning on all the lights half way through a redeye to scream about some credit card offer), so things are primed for chaos. Lots of shoving and yelling. Everyone's reviewing the Wikipedia "list of crimes of passion" to see if this qualifies.
Then there's spirit. Half the people on the flight will be coming down off of something they got on the dark web by the time you arrive at the gate. You've already seen at least a liter of blood spilled from various fist fights. Everyone was already up and crushing each other in the aisle long before the captain even briefed the approach. The FAs have locked themselves in the lavs by now and the captain (an FFDO) has barricaded the flight deck with charts and duct tape and is aiming his questionably modded P320 at he door. Welcome to the new season of Hunger Games - Spam Can. You're on your own, good luck and good hunting.
No, you wouldn't. You're not special. Chill.
I have kids now so some of this applies less but!
I totally agree with you. I don't usually have a checked bag when it's just me, so there's no waiting around the baggage claim to look forward to. I DO NOT stop to pull my overhead bag. I've either got it under my seat, already pulled it from the overhead, or I fuckin eyeball that thing like there's about to be a missile intercept (because there is) and I grab and pull while I walk. Once I leave my seat there is no pause. In the same way, if I'm inside on the window, I'm watching for space and when middle seat moves I follow. None of this "oh shit I forgot the light turned green".
Even now with kids we are only slightly slower than that. I have to let the gremlins (who you probably didn't know were on the plane because they've been hyper entertained out of their fuckin minds) be line leader to walk off the plane and I need enough time to stand up and get the bags off the seat behind me onto my body to urban pack mule that shit out of here.
What I'm NOT doing is texting my boyfriend oblivious to the cues being presented to me, smashing through the line because I'm an inconsiderate fuckwit, or standing up when it's my turn and gazing into the overheads like I'm lost in the Arby's menu. Stage your shit and get the fuck off the plane without stopping, then walk like you got some place to be or move to the side. No big deal.
More importantly than any of that though, I've got this really weird superpower where I can listen to what the fuck the FAs say. If someone needs to get off the plane first, I can stay seated and wait for them to haul ass off the plane. Or at least I would, except it's always like a herd of cattle with no awareness instantly reacting to the sound of the seatbelt light turning off no matter what.
^^ This is my take. Behave like an adult.
99% of the time, I don't have anywhere to be in a hurry, so I let others (who may or may not need to) go first.
I often travel with kids at this time in my life, but we just chill in our row until things get calm. Then we can grab stuff from overhead if needed, even if it's behind us.
On the occasions where I've needed to rush to make a connecting flight, I just say it out loud and get some buy-in from those around me, or it's already obvious and the whole cabin is probably aware. In those cases, getting non-pressured people to give you priority tends to work if you just ask.
I can imagine a class of passenger who is super dependent on timing -- but those people have already failed. PSA: When traveling, assume that you will not depart or arrive at the exact time on your ticket. Give yourself an hour or two to absorb delays and then you can just be chill.
If they managed where luggage was stored in the overhead, they could reduce it 10 fold. The whole wait is because people need to go back x rows past people standing to get their luggage. Even if they made everyone sit and deboard in zones it could be way faster.
The luggage problem has only got worse and worse over the past decade, and by the airlines' own making. Carriers all started trying to make extra cash by charging for checked luggage, which incentivises people to take carry-on only, up to the maximum size and quantity of carry-on they are permitted.
If bags could be checked for free and people took only an under-seat carry-on for the things they need in flight it wouldn't be a problem, but we know that's never going to happen.
If bags could be checked for free
I'm skeptical. I fly quite often and it is normal for gate agents to openly beg people to gate check their bags (for free) and be faced by a crowd of dead eyed travelers unwilling to part with their max size carry on roller luggage.
I wouldn't discount passengers irrationally hanging onto their luggage for some sense of control.
Agreed it’s a combo of higher seat density and way more checked bags.
I swear in the 90s getting off a plane felt way quicker.
The problem is underallocated overhead space. You give us maximum dimensions, and you know the number of seats. Fucking have sufficient overhead space.
The amount of space is the amount of space. You can't create more, because it's literally constrained by the roof of the plane. It's already maxed out.
The only thing they could do to make sure there was "enough space" is to have less tightly packrd seats and carry less people, which again they aren't going to do for the obvious reason - profit.
Or - reduce the max carry on baggage dimensions, which I'm sure people would equally complain about. And would make them look worse against other airlines which "allow" bigger bags, despite there not being enough space to put them!
It's this. Stay the fuck down until your row is clearing.
Most off that time is standing still, while the L1 door is still closed, and the jetway has not even begun to move to connect to the aircraft.
People don't realise that once the plane is parked, engines are shut down and belt signs go off, there's still shit to do before deplaning can begin.
No joke. I hate waiting for people who are inefficient and slow getting off a plane. If everyone just waited a few seconds to stand up, me and my one piece of carry-on could walk straight to the door without delay. I hate this aspect of flying more than almost any other. A late landing making me miss a connecting flight is still the worst, however.
And me. I'd just wait the 30 seconds for all of yous to deboard and then take my sweet time.
When I travel solo, it's with one shoulder bag I usually just shove under my seat, don't even need the overhead. I'm instantly ready, but everyone is in my waaaay.