Ask Lemmy

“Everyone else is an NPC” is one of the most childish things to assume. It shows a severe lack of emotional intelligence and maturity. Everyone is doing what is expected from them. But not I. I am living the dream! Playing video games 24/7 and wanking to hentai.

Not that there is anything wrong with playing video games all the time or wanking like a champ. That sounds pretty cool tbh. But the problem arises when you put a barrier between the me and them. A very central thing to learn growing up is the same beauty, pain, ugliness and happiness you find in yourself can be found in other people too. Their daily life is as colourful as yours maybe even more so. I think this trap is something that creeps into many young people who mostly live their life’s online and try to justify their social shortcomings by making up these weird and many times unfair standards.

I hope I don’t sound too harsh. To a degree I have been like that once I think? At least I had a strong tendency to that kind of mindset. So I know how that feels like. But I also know that a lot of that is just childish self deception.

That doesn’t mean I feel like a normal person at all. Fuck no. I hate big gatherings, loud places, loud people (fuck them in particular) and chaos in general. I either shut in or explode in rage. I am absolutely not made for other people or doing normal things like…idk talking about the weather or taxes or some shit.

Today I know that comes from me being balls deep on the spectrum and I appreciate everyone who is willing to drag me to these social events. Because even tho I feel stressed at times, the reality is: That’s the absolute exception. The worst case scenario almost never happens. And I end up being happy with friends and strangers alike.

When it comes to everything else: I have a job because I need to have one to exist, I happily live with my better half, but there are no children planed. Every milestone I set in my life I did so when I felt like that and I ended up doing so relatively late. “Screw social norms anyway.”, he said while knowing that living by these norms is totally ok, too. Gatekeeping happiness is for cunts anyway.

Sorry for rambling too much. What I’m trying to say is: Nobody cares. Do whatever you want. Be normal, or not.

being an "average person" is incredibly uncommon, an average is not really a useful metric. if you have 1 & 100 the average is 50, even though it isn't even one of the numbers in that set

I was way more alienated as a child, than as an adult. For one thing, precocity doesn't last, once you are a grownup there are more people with at least a baseline of intelligence, it's easier to talk to adults.

But also the world has changed, and doesn't require as much conformity. So there is a wider window of "normal". Do I fit inside that window? Maybe not, but since it's bigger I am closer to it.

All my life ive felt wrong, bullied as a child and struggling to fit in as an adult. Felt like my existence was wrong as a result. Fundamentally abnormal or something.

Recently ive been looking around at people cheating on their wives / robbing houses to support a habit / hanging flags off lampposts / shouting at hotels about migrants / starting only fans / scamming family with MLM online / thelistgoesfuckingon.

Nowadays im starting to wonder if I'm actually the only one round my way thats normal.

There's nothing more common than wanting to be different

Edit: that being said I would love to live a "normie" life where i work in exchange for a life that's worth living, but i don't think that's an option for the vast majority of people due to wealth inequality.

Oh, man, my parents were militant hippies and rights activists. To me being a subversive leftist is normal. Arm and train the underprivileged and the proletariat in general. Protest, armed. Punch Nazis.

I've recently come to the conclusion that those who feel that they easily fit in to all societal expectations have lost touch with their authenticity. The Jungian persona might be the best source for an in-depth analysis of this.

Everyone is weird in some way. Some of us try to hide it, some don't. How much you do is a choice (but also heavily influenced by how conformist your communities are).

10k feet up? Normal 5k feet up? Pretty normal 1k feet? I stick out 100 feet? I'm my own crew yo

Let's go one level deeper - people who say "I feel normal" do it because saying it is part of that script of life you're talking about, not because they believe it deep down.

Basically internal life of almost any person other than yourself is impossible to know. And you can't trust what they say, because they might be lying even to themselves or just don't want to reveal deep inner thoughts to anyone.

One of the few ways into private thoughts is to get someone blackout drunk. But even that is not 100% reliable.

Negative, I am a meat popsicle

I've always felt different, an outsider, weird. Clumsy too. My sister had adhd diagnosed decades before it was called that. So I was aware of that but it never fit me.

At an advanced adult age I am finding out to very likely be an Autist. Never thought of that because I really don't fit the cliché. Still, it fit and it's like all my life is suddenly validated.

my sister had commented, “He’s so weird.” Strangely, that was comforting to hear. It’s not that I see being different as a bad thing - it’s more about that unanswerable question of whether I truly am different, or if I’ve just always felt that way.

Seems like other people think my weirdness stands out as well. In particular, things like friends either asking or asserting that I'm autistic, for example.

and I recently asked if they feel normal. They said yes.

I wonder how much the person asking the question affects that answer.

I think it really depends on how narrowly you define normal and if you expect anyone to be 100% normal.

I have some very normal sides of me: I love going out for a beer with my colleagues after a day of work, I have a stable partner and the 2.5 kids you were talking about (actually 1.4, right now), a stable job, bought a house…

I also have some odd sides of me: we meet on Lemmy because fuck Reddit (and I try converting people to Lemmy every second day), I have a bunch of unusual hobbies, I love painting my hair weird colors, I pursue my own happiness caring little about what others say (comments I heard: I should drop my career now that I am married/have a kid, I should present seriously now that I have a serious job… honestly I forgot most of them because I just don’t care), I married my partner “way too quickly”, I moved internationally way too many times - including with my partner and recently with our kid.

I expect most people to be similar: a mic of normal and not so normal, with normal defined most by your immediate surroundings.

It's hard because most of it is a spectrum. There is no quintessential "normal" person, since no two people are the same. Everyone has quirks that differentiate them from everyone else.

So any "normal" person might say they are "different", because they can think of all kinds of things that don't fit with what they imagine a "normal" person is. Or a "different" person might say they're "normal", they might have many traits that aren't "normal", but they also have lots in common with "normal" people that they focus on.

The problem is perception and definition. No one usually defines "normal" objectively nor in the same way. It's all based on experiences, if you had lots of friction all your life you might feel "different", if everything was smooth sailing you might feel "normal".

What should be done but is hard or impossible for our brain is derive statistics for every single behavior/quirk and decide for each thing individually if it is a behavior that is shared by the "majority" (define exact percentage threshold for "normal"). Then aggregate all those together (how exactly?) to decide if "you're normal".

But who does that? What would be the benefit to do that with every single thing?

That's why we have modern medicine though. Psychology basically does exactly this when determining if you have a mental illness. And it only makes sense to do this if it messes with your survival functioning, why would you fuss about differences from the norm if they're not a problem?

What I'm essentially saying is, "normal" and "weird" need to be handled rationally instead of subjectively. Deal with specific differences from the norm if they cause a problem, otherwise ignore them/celebrate them. It is entirely unhelpful to categorize your entire being as "normal" or "different", as none of us is entirely different or entirely normal. Always look at specific things, deal with them as they arise, and don't let these small things extend as classification for your entire being.

Greetings from Dunning & Kruger

what's a normal person look like?

There's no normal, just a bland mean, small modes and increasingly unfortunate medians

Many people mask to be closer to the mean when they fear rejection

I don't think there is anyone like that. Being normal is way too abnormal.