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submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by seahorse@midwest.social to c/theonion@midwest.social
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[-] smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 96 points 11 months ago

I don't have to chop, stew, dismember, or sell a $5 bill. False equivalency argument.

[-] Agent641@lemmy.world 40 points 11 months ago

I know right? Picking up a lost $5 doesnt carry any of those rewarding tasks.

[-] spujb@lemmy.cafe 23 points 11 months ago

i think you ate the onion on c/theonion lol

[-] somtwo@lemmy.world 19 points 11 months ago
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[-] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 13 points 11 months ago

It's fine. He never said it. He has said he thinks its ridiculous that he gets so much money for doing nothing compared to school teachers while paying less taxes.

[-] chuckleslord@lemmy.world 10 points 11 months ago

That's just what they want you to think

[-] catsarebadpeople@sh.itjust.works 63 points 11 months ago

His parents were rich and the reason he's more rich is that he exploits lots and lots of people.

[-] Son_of_dad@lemmy.world 37 points 11 months ago

Every single billionaire got there by exploiting and taking money from the people below him, who did most of the actual work. Nobody can earn a billion dollars, you can only do it by stealing. Buffet and Gates are the worst cause they try so hard to play the good guy billionaire image

[-] LillyPip@lemmy.ca 7 points 11 months ago

I assume your downvotes are from billionaires. If not, that’s just sad. If you’re defending billionaires and aren’t one yourself, I regret to inform you that you’re a mark.

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[-] epyon22@programming.dev 55 points 11 months ago

Average net worth for 35-44 year olds $135 thousand his net worth $119.2 billion. $5 equivalent for him is ~$4,414,814.81

[-] Dagrothus@reddthat.com 55 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

If you skinned and sold squirrels at a rate of 7.56 squirrels per second, you'd reach his wealth in just 100 years! All it takes is a little hard work!

They'd also go extinct after 1 year. Maybe switch to rats.

[-] shiveyarbles@beehaw.org 4 points 11 months ago

You could alternate between rats and squirrels to allow repopulation

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[-] epyon22@programming.dev 20 points 11 months ago

He can buy a super car with less impact on his net worth than you standing there wondering what to get out of the vending machine

[-] Anticorp@lemmy.world 1 points 11 months ago

Where did you find that average net worth for 35-44 year olds? That seems much higher than I expected. What's the median?

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[-] TheGreenGolem@lemmy.dbzer0.com 43 points 11 months ago

Then they dare to go buy some fucking avocado toast and a mokke lattchiato or whatever the hell, on their fucking bikes with THEIR FUCKING HELMET ON!

[-] bdonvr@thelemmy.club 9 points 11 months ago

Don't buy avacado toast, make it.

Shits cheap af

[-] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 months ago

I don't get all the love for avacado. It tastes like mild plant butter to me. I save a lot of money by never buying it haha.

[-] NostraDavid@programming.dev 4 points 11 months ago

You have to throw some salt and pepper on it. Otherwise it's very bland. Kinda like an egg.

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[-] Godric@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

Dude literally just find more dead squirrels for avocado toast money, it's that simple

[-] theneverfox@pawb.social 3 points 11 months ago

No, you don't understand the problem with avocado toast. You see, bread is a great source of carbs, and combined with the rind of the avocado, the scraps are a super food that leaves squirrels full of energy and with a thick coat that makes them neigh immortal

When's the last time you saw a dead squirrel ripe for the picking? It was free money

[-] AeonFelis@lemmy.world 29 points 11 months ago
[-] Peter1986C 4 points 11 months ago

🤣 Thanks for repeating Abraham Lincoln's advice.

[-] jenny_ball@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago

i love how Lincoln has become the de facto one

[-] ikidd@lemmy.world 25 points 11 months ago

As someone that's shot a few squirrels for tying flies with, I'd just buy the damn tails. Squirrels are filthy little beasts and have a pile of parasites that crawl off them when they're dead.

[-] Fudoshin@feddit.uk 8 points 11 months ago

You evil bastard. How could you? They're so cute!

[-] ikidd@lemmy.world 22 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

They can be destructive fuckers. And, little known fact, red squirrels are the largest predator of juvenile rabbits.

Tasty, tasty rabbits.

[-] Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago

"There's only one way to eat a brace of connies."

[-] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago

A squirrel tore up one of our lawn chair cushions to make its nest. Little piece of shit. Then bits of lawn chair stuffing blew all over the neighborhood that winter.

[-] ikidd@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago

I was wondering why I wasn't getting telemetry from my watering bowls and started tracking down the issue. I had leaned a pole with a LoRa antenna up against a tree, and one of the little bastards chewed the line through in about a dozen spots. If they get in the soffet of a house they'll tear all the insulation out, then store thousands of spruce cones in there, making a lovely fire hazard.

Hate them almost as much as mice.

[-] the_post_of_tom_joad@sh.itjust.works 20 points 11 months ago

He looks tough but marbled. Stew meat at Best

[-] Wahots@pawb.social 18 points 11 months ago

Squirrels are pretty high in cholesterol.

[-] magicalman315@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago

Thank you Catherine

[-] ULS@lemmy.ml 5 points 11 months ago

Sell it bro. eBay.

[-] CurlyMoustache@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago

Free cholesterol!

[-] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 points 11 months ago

So you're saying Americans would love it.

[-] RestrictedAccount@lemmy.world 15 points 11 months ago

Now you got a stew goin’

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this post was submitted on 19 Jan 2024
754 points (97.8% liked)

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