My wife's old dutch grandma once had a sip of beer and said "it's like an angel pissing on my tongue"
Talking about how many children she had "your grandfather would throw his dirty undies at me and I'd get pregnant"
Grandma sounds like she could make a pirate blush :) I wanna be just like her when I grandma
it's like an angel pissing on my tongue
That is an old Dutch saying, I was gonna ask if she had Dutch heritage, but than I re read your post.
"How're we gonna fuck this pig" is my favorite. Means "how are we going to start this unpleasant task".
Fun fact: Saying it at work can net you several funny looks and more!
David Cameron is a redneck?
One I learned in the fleet was “…more fucked than a ten cent whore on a day raining dimes.”
My favourite is the (apparently) Australian saying "I'm so hungry a could eat the ass off a low flying duck"
Aussie slang is weapons grade language. They're not here to fuck spiders
I have always enjoyed "I could eat the north end of a south bound skunk"
One of my favorites:
"It's hotter out here than a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire"
My dad has a lot from growing up in a small farming community in Kansas:
“Shakin like a dog shittin prune seeds.”
“I gotta piss like a race horse.”
“So dumb you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.”
"Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades" is the opening of an alkaline trio song. They're out of Chicago, so I don't think this is local to small town Kansas. Also I'm from Texas and piss like a racehorse was fairly common.
"like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs" in reference to watching your ass.
"Like a blind man at an orgy, I had to feel my way through"
And I thought my language had something unique. Turns out, saying "even from a sack full of pussies he would pull out a dick" to an unlucky person isn't that unique to us.
But, equally as revelatory, perhaps.
I have a pretty mild one that I've used all my life: "Good Lord willing and the creek don't rise." I said it once to the owner of the company I work for and he thought I meant I wouldn't do what he'd asked of me, and he got a little upset. I had to explain it meant the opposite. That I had to explain it to him didn't really ease the angst of the situation...
My wife's granny in West Virginia: "I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers"
this is Lemmy's finest thread to date
I grew up 5 mins from West Virginia. The hillbillies were always saying wild shit like this lmao
"you look like 5 pounds of shit in a whore's lunchbox"
But... They don't carry lunchbo— Oh.
I was bewildered regarding shitshow at work and said, "it's like going around your butthole to get to your elbow" -- the californian and the Canadian had apparently never heard this phrase before. I realized then it was a southernism 😂
I like the Newfie sayings: "She's tighter than a squall of shit through a tin whistle"
Y'all gotta check out this artist "lilbubbychild". He creates these incredible animations of southernisms. As a lifelong southerner, I can attest that most of these have been said by someone in my life.
Here's a link to the normal player and with the site tracking removed: https://youtube.com/watch?v=z9lv4UunN2k
I am not a bot, and this action was performed manually.
"the road was slicker than cum on a gold tooth"
From Southern wrestling legend Jim Cornette
Went back home after like a decade and ran into my dad's old boss from when I was a kid. His southern drawl was pronounced and nasal like a side character in an old western, "Well I ain't seen you in a coon's age!
My favorite is when it's raining "...like a cow pissing on a flat rock."
"The Man on The Moon couldn't see that!" (Still not sure what this means) "Tighter than a fish's pussy" (Self-explanatory) "I was no more good" (I was shocked and surprised/amused) "Hand me that 'little chicken' over there, would you?" (Little Chicken replaces any and all nouns)
My southern friend says "It's hotter than the hammered down hinges of hell", which I just love.
I also very recommend southern Italian for this. It is comical.
I remember a phrase someone taught me in college, it basically translates to telling someone to go fuck a donkey
I had a guy tell me once that his boss was so mad that was, "gonna shit down one leg and kick it off with the other." He was perplexed at my laughter.
I once heard someone say that something was scattered "all over hell and half of Georgia". I use that all the time now.
"Flatter than piss on a plate."
I do like "that could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon" in reference to a bad smell.
I'm from the south and I've only ever heard it as "that could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon at twenty paces" in case you were missing the end of it.
They are descended from Scots-Irish immigrants, many of whom came over as indentured servants. Of course they have poetic souls.
Sex is like Chinese dinner: it ain't over 'til ya both got yer cookies.
Hornier than a three peckered billy goat.
Busier than a one legged man in a kicking contest.
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